To have expected him to have said something?

[poorlytoe]

We had a date night planned as we both thought we needed to spend some quality time together so we bought some wine, agreed on a nice meal to have just us once the little ones had gone to bed which is 7:00.

Anyway about 6:50 just as I was upstairs getting the children ready for bed and looking forward to the evening we had planned, step son turned up baring in mind he is in his 20s and lives a 10 minute walk away, I assumed he wouldn’t stay long as Dh would probably say we had already made plans this evening but Dh said nothing while our plans went down the pan and stepson sat there until 10:15 before going home and all Dh could say was it wasn’t his fault as he didn’t know he was going to turn up.
AIBU to have thought he would have said something as we had plans?
I hadn’t bought enough ingredients for a date night for 3 so I didn’t end up cooking the salmon but Dh did open the wine and pour it 3 ways.

If they had plans/a certain meal they were cooking that evening then I’d feel indifferent, and that in future I should probably ask or let them know before turning up…

Parents don’t just put their lives on hold forever in case an adult child turns up demanding their attention.

Yeah you can be irritated that your plan didn't materialise but it would be very awkward to ask the son to leave. It's not like he is a friend or neighbour, family is different. Does your stepson often come over without notifying? Again, there's no right or wrong here, just depends on your family dynamics and schedules. Maybe in future you can establish some communication rules, in case you are busy. Don't dampen the mood. Maybe you can do date night tonight instead?

I’m shocked you’d expect DH to ask his son to leave, because you wanted to have some salmon & a glass of wine. Ok, it’s a pity you didn’t get your chat but god, telling your son to leave is crazy.

Where does it say the SS "demanded attention"? Sounds like he popped round to see his Dad. Nothing wrong with that. I mean, putting the kids to bed then having dinner is something pretty routine...

Did you have dinner at all?

Was a football game on the tv?

I’m glad the son didn’t get turfed out. Family values are a wonderful thing, and feeling that parents hold a welcome haven is priceless.

Was your husband aware that this was meant to be a date night? It just sounds like a very normal night - kids go to bed and you eat dinner and sit around.

It was a normal night, there was a bit of salmon in the fridge!

Honestly if I turned up at my mums and her partners place unannounced they would be delighted for me to join in for the evening even if they had friends round. Of course if they were going out that’s another matter but they’d still love to see me for 5 minutes. If they asked me to leave as they had a meal and wine planned for the 2 of them I would be extremely surprised, and probably a little hurt and feel unwelcome in the future. It’s great that your step son feels like he can just pop round announced and have a nice evening with the two of you. Sign of a healthy family relationship. Don’t ruin it for gods sake!!!!!!!!!!

I would think i should have phoned first...

I hope when they are older my kids never think they have to phone first.

What do you think?

just cook the salmon tonight? I don’t see the problem.

If it had been her kid, I can-imagine the ingidents might have magically then shared 3 ways!

Blended families don't work, they have never worked, and they will never work.

Wow.

Facts are facts.

Absolutely, great idea!

Totally agree.
Where is this formal definition that ‘date night’ has to be out somewhere? A load of rubbish - it’s about spending time together.
But the beauty of this is, it can be easily rearranged.

Blended families have got a lot in common with landlords

What a dull date night. My partner and I using that definition have a date night every night!! Perhaps your H wasn’t as excited as you were about eating salmon and drinking wine so chose not to kick his own son out.

are you guys on crack, how is everyone justifying what the son did??? OP is 10000% in the right and DP should have told SS that they had a pre-organised date night and he should come back another time!!! also the fact that he split the wine 3 ways would have my blood boiling