Asked to MC retiring boss's party after being passed over for her role

[Idealist3]

My boss is retiring and I've been asked to MC her retirement event. The problem is that I recently went for her job and didn't get it.
I've worked in this community-sector organisation for nearly 20 years. I was always the one who stayed late, came in early, took on extra projects, wrote blogs, covered events, etc. A lot of people, both inside and outside the organisation, assumed I'd eventually succeed her. I didn't. I only got one interview and wasn't shortlisted further. My boss later said she would have given me a second interview, but the board decided otherwise.
Since then, my confidence has taken a huge knock. There's also uncertainty about a secondment opportunity I was hoping for, and I can't help feeling I've become less valued since not getting the role.
I'm 51, spent years working part-time while raising my children, and now find myself questioning my whole career. I feel embarrassed and exposed having to stand up and celebrate my boss's retirement when I'm still disappointed about what happened.
Part of me thinks I should just do it professionally and not let anyone down. Another part of me feels worn out and would rather attend as a guest or not go at all.
AIBU for not wanting to MC the event?

What is MC?

Whatever it turns out to be, any effort required of you after what you've gone through seems arrantly duff.

Naaa you have a life thing to attend and will be late to the appointment

Absolutely not. I’d make an excuse and suggest it’s actually better if your bosses boss does it.

Do you like your boss, do you feel they did enough to suppprt you? Do you understand or agree with the reasons they went with someone else? This would make a difference to my decision to MC.

Totally agree.

What a shame you have other commitments that day. You'll come at some point to honour your former boss of course but you won't be able to take on hosting.

I voted YANBU but I would also suggest that if you’re MC-ing, it’s about your boss, not the job you didn’t get. I don’t think you’d enjoy it as just a guest and you might even feel more self conscious that way. If you like your boss and she’s always been fair to you, then I’d do it.

YANBU.

I wouldn't 'make an excuse'. I'd be clear that I wasn't doing it as I'd realised I wasn't valued by the employer as much as I thought I had been. I would suggest (as above) this should be a role for your )retiring) boss's boss.

Do you mean make her goodbye speech> if so, I think it’s more appropriate if chair of the board does it.

Agree with PPs, you absolutely should make any excuse you need to & not do this; it’s utterly unfair to ask you, completely lacking sensitivity.

'master of ceremonies' ! basically running the event. the board who interviewed me will be there. my boss asked for me specifically, prob because I don't say no....but I like her a person. My mother things she could have advocated for me more and wanted to book us flights on hols!!

i wanted to say 'get someone external' like the job! I feel i am surrounded by people i have given my power away too

Absolutely not!
They have used and abused you for years and still it continues, ‘no’ is a complete sentence as they say.
I’d go with your mum on a nice holiday and f..k the lot of them.

I honestly think she was very emotional about it and thought i would get a second interview. all the questions were about budget and not vision/strategy which i am good at (the vision) I do think part if my wants to do it to show all what they are missing?? I will do an AMAZING job of articultaing the vision for the organisation. and i doubt the new CEO (who i am nor crazy about) even has the skills to do this.. She can do funding applications but that's about it. I was respected in the sector, had a vision and i prob sound bitter but she will not be able to drive the organisation in my view

I’d be inclined to tell your boss you think it would show the value the organisation holds/held her in if they do it.

As you have been ‘passed over’ despite working your socks off, maybe it’s time to start saying ‘No’ more often.

Just say no @Idealist3 and start saying no to all the unpaid extras you do too ie no staying late or coming in early if its not in your contract don't do it. You will get push back about being a team player but stay firm. Tbh all the extra you do will probably be the reason that they didn't promote you because then they would have had to find someone willing to do your role plus all the unpaid extra

Oh gosh I can see it now you've spelled it out.

I always thought it was emcee.

😳

Apologies

Ha! You are right lol ellyoctober!!

It is annoyingly spelt out as emcee. Hate it.

Hell no OP. Hell would freeze over before I would do that in your position. I’d go along though.

Nope, they clearly don’t think you were good enough so sod them.

OP, keep your powder dry. MC the event for your boss's sake and to show everyone you can do a great job. You might very well be right about the new CEO not being able to do it and the job may be yours sooner than you think. I would cast around for other jobs at the same time.

Sometimes I think internal candidates like yourself are in a difficult position because the organisation gets to retain them whilst also getting someone new. This happened at my workplace and the person who was passed over moved on in the end, not because she didn't work well with the new boss but without the top job trapping her in the role, she wouldn't have taken the opportunity she did. Hopefully this, while horrible at the time, might work out one way or another in the not too distant future. You don't owe them the loyalty you did though so if something else interesting takes your fancy you can leave without a backward glance. I think you should take your boss's view of your abilities and commitment over the board's decision, and remember that she would have chosen you if she could.

Say no and then Start quiet quitting and only do the basics while you look for another job where you will be valued x

Nope. It’s basically a load of extra work for no extra pay, that’s the responsibility of the new hire now, not you.

Act your wage moving forward.

Your mum sounds great OP!!

I think the suggestion to focus on your boss and giving her a good send off is fair. But you're also totally within your rights to say no, someone else should do it....and don't go writing anything for them either!

Nah…

I think they are too seperate issues. Your boss asked for you to do it, most likely because you are one of the people who knows her best, has worked closest with her and is likely to be one of the more sincere people to do, rather than anyone on the board.

To know do it may come across as a minor protest. You may not care if you intent on leaving and also your boss doesn't appear to have been a decision maker in the interview purpose.

The budget is more important than the vision. You can't realise a vision without the funding to support it.