Asked to MC retiring boss's party after being passed over for her role

[Idealist3]

My boss is retiring and I've been asked to MC her retirement event. The problem is that I recently went for her job and didn't get it.
I've worked in this community-sector organisation for nearly 20 years. I was always the one who stayed late, came in early, took on extra projects, wrote blogs, covered events, etc. A lot of people, both inside and outside the organisation, assumed I'd eventually succeed her. I didn't. I only got one interview and wasn't shortlisted further. My boss later said she would have given me a second interview, but the board decided otherwise.
Since then, my confidence has taken a huge knock. There's also uncertainty about a secondment opportunity I was hoping for, and I can't help feeling I've become less valued since not getting the role.
I'm 51, spent years working part-time while raising my children, and now find myself questioning my whole career. I feel embarrassed and exposed having to stand up and celebrate my boss's retirement when I'm still disappointed about what happened.
Part of me thinks I should just do it professionally and not let anyone down. Another part of me feels worn out and would rather attend as a guest or not go at all.
AIBU for not wanting to MC the event?

Can you do the introduction, and speak a bit about your boss and what she has contributed to the organisation, and then hand over to her replacement to do the rest of the evening - sell it as a good way for her to increase her visibility/for all staff to see her at the start of her tenure?

I absolutely would not MC the event, and as others have suggested, I’d be taking a huge step back from all the extras and start looking for a new role asap.

I’ve been in your position, and in my case I actually got down to the last 4 candidates for my bosses job out of an external field of over 50, then didn’t get it because “I was too operational and needed to be more strategic” (that was the feedback).

They then brought in Mr Strategy (it’s always a man!), who spectacularly failed at the job and almost brought the organisation down because he’d never worked in the sector and didn’t understand detail and risk management i.e. all the operational stuff that I knew! He was asked to leave after 18 months, however I’d left for a better role 3 months before that (and very glad I did after the mess he made of things).

It sounds like the Board are very happy keeping you in your dogsbody position, as is your boss. Your boss could have advocated hard for you, articulating your strengths, suggesting they could mentor you for a few months and help smooth the transition. If the Board didn’t appoint you following that then fair enough.

I’d 100% take your mum up on her offer, and honour your boss personally in a different way; perhaps take her for lunch.

I also think you have to separate the two things.

Not getting an internal promotion stings. Process that and while you are doing that, take stock of the things you do at work that are important to and add to the role you have.

Thst may mean "acting your wsge" (excellent phrase) while you do that. Droo the fluff and add back in the aspects that are useful and you enjoy.

Don't sulk, it never helps anyone.

Also l99k around for something else. There is always a slight danger when you lose out and stay in role that the incomes might offload the parts of the job they cba with- couched as you are obvs fab etc.

Or they may not to work with someone they perceive as wanting their job, and manage them out.

The MC gig? I'd say "thanks but no thanks" to everyone and privately to the one who is leaving that you don't feel you can do her justice.

Then go on leave. Private lunch with ex-boss at some point to say thanks and bye.

ohhhhh
I thought you’d been asked to MC ie to play some banging tunes at the leaving do. 😂
I came up with some suggestions:
9 to 5 by Dolly Parton
Take this job and shove it
We’re not gonna take it
Killing in the name

I had fun with that one.

But no. I wouldn’t be doing anything for her leaving apart from a heartfelt letter to your boss to tell her you’ve valued working alongside her and contributing to the gift.

"Part of me thinks I should just do it professionally and not let anyone down.".

Do that, with a good grace; be the bigger person. It's not your boss's fault.

Who knows what might happen? The new bod may not fit and leave a few weeks later, after which you might receive a grovelling entreaty.
Or another job may come up which is even better and you get that.

Good luck.

Enjoy the do!

I would only do it for a personal reason if you like your boss enough and don’t want to see her let down.

She likely has nothing to do with the decisions on hiring but equally she hasn’t done effective succession planning or positioned you for the role with the Board.

Personally I would be on that flight with my mum!

Enjoy being MC and do your usual great job.

To decline would be to prove to them all that you were never going to cope with the promotion.
Your boss doesn't deserve your defeatist attitude. She has earned her retirement party. Think of her and relish the MC responsibility.

After the dust has settled, confess to the interview panel that you were disappointed in not getting further interviews. Ask them what you need to do better, as you want to be a serious contender for the next promotion.

Be aspirational, not a sore loser.

I'd second this. You can simultaneously be kind to your departing boss and express thanks for her service without it needing to be a MC role.
There could be 1000s of reasons you dont want to do that role. Personally I'd not give any and just say "sorry no"

I'd do it. I'd see it as an opportunity to demonstrate they made a mistake.

I agree with this.
Don’t bother to make up an excuse.
No is a complete sentence.

What she said may well be the truth though. She may have advocated well for you but the board didn’t want to listen. Have they hired someone younger and new to the business by any chance? It isn’t uncommon to do this, they want a fresh pair of eyes running the place over someone who will effectively continue the current boss’s work.

Say no and book a holiday to coincide with the event...

You now know that you will never progress from your current role as the board does not see you as leadership material.

So if you want to progress in your career then you will need a new job with a different organisation.

In the meantime, stop doing any extra duties and ''going the extra mile'' in your current job.

The new hire gives them the best of both worlds OP.

Your vision and commitment- plus the new person's financial expertise. It's a win-win for them. Plus they don't have the inconvenience of replacing you.

Sorry you are experiencing this, it's crap.

Unfortunately if you share your big vision, you will not benefit in the least. All they will do is take your good ideas and credit someone else. There is no poetic justice in business and that is why you should always be honest and trustworthy in your role but not loyal in a personal way because as we all find out at some point in our career, we are all of us replaceable. Whether or not the business makes a major mistake (which I suspect they did here) is beside the point. Boards fuck up every day.

I wonder if your boss asked you to do it because she doesn’t trust the rest of them. Regardless it’s a big ask in the circumstances and I would discuss privately with her why you won’t be doing it.

Oh and doing a good job of managing an event is not going to demonstrate that OP is boss material. If anything it shows she is good at organisation and administration- virtues normally completely overlooked by senior men because it’s something women do invisibly.

I worked in a senior role for a charity for a year, it was the most toxic environment I ever encountered, far worse than financial services.

Not a chance in hell. Stop being a doormat if you want to get promoted.

I do think part if my wants to do it to show all what they are missing??

Don’t
&
They won’t.

I would go with, I don’t think I am qualified to do that role. Why not the Xxx (the one taking her role) or a member of the board who have a better understanding of what to say.

If you are a CEO who isn't on top of finance, then your FD is the real CEO; it's so important. I would go and do some training and take this on the chin. I was chair of governors at a school where the deputy presumed she'd take over; she was so far behind the appointed candidate on lots of bits we couldn't possibly appoint her. A couple of years later, she is head of a school, which is a great fit for her. There are a couple of emerging CEO courses at Bayes and ACEVO, and Bayes even does an MSc in Charity Management with one path on charity finance, and you really don't need to be a finance specialist at the start, but it's very good. I'd do it, leadership can be about sucking it up at times, and it's not impossible the new CEO doesn't pass probation, and they come back to you, and if your attitude was seen to be wrong, they won't. Similarly, they may only be using it as a step and be gone in a couple of years. But do build up your understanding of charity finance if leadership is the path you want. Cipfa also offer some courses and qualifications on charity finance.

This and go on holiday with your Mum too. You do not have to do all the extras you used to do. Stop working late, stop offering to do the extra bits. So done else will be paid to do that so make the new person earn their money. Don't do their job for them. Look around and see if you can find something else.

I hope you are looking for a job elsewhere!?

I'm petty so it would be a complete absolutely fucking not from me, I once was in the same position as you but they asked me to train the guy who got the job, this guy purely got the job because of who he knew and openly admitted it, I pretty much told them all exactly what I thought of them and then went sick until I found a new job..honestly fuck em! But as I said I am petty.

I was going to say no until i read this , part of me says yes show em what they're missing !! other part says fuck em and go on holiday .
Either way i think i would start looking around , sounds like they have messed up, i certainly wouldn't be going over and above for them any more .
Good luck.
I don't think you sound bitter at all, i would feel the same.

I would MC the event . Afterwards I would just do no more or less than I was paid for . If the new hire asked you how to do stuff then you say I’m not sure and I don’t want to show you how to do something and for you to get into trouble if it’s not right . Don’t train this new hire . Time to slowly take your foot off the gas .

I'd do this event to give your Boss the best retirement send off ,
Then reign it in and do F*All after this .

They think they can call on your organisational skills in future
No,except in your contracted duties .

Also when new CEO starts don’t help train them for their new role. If you aren’t good enough to do the role you’re obviously not good enough to show them how to do it.