Asked to MC retiring boss's party after being passed over for her role

[Idealist3]

My boss is retiring and I've been asked to MC her retirement event. The problem is that I recently went for her job and didn't get it.
I've worked in this community-sector organisation for nearly 20 years. I was always the one who stayed late, came in early, took on extra projects, wrote blogs, covered events, etc. A lot of people, both inside and outside the organisation, assumed I'd eventually succeed her. I didn't. I only got one interview and wasn't shortlisted further. My boss later said she would have given me a second interview, but the board decided otherwise.
Since then, my confidence has taken a huge knock. There's also uncertainty about a secondment opportunity I was hoping for, and I can't help feeling I've become less valued since not getting the role.
I'm 51, spent years working part-time while raising my children, and now find myself questioning my whole career. I feel embarrassed and exposed having to stand up and celebrate my boss's retirement when I'm still disappointed about what happened.
Part of me thinks I should just do it professionally and not let anyone down. Another part of me feels worn out and would rather attend as a guest or not go at all.
AIBU for not wanting to MC the event?

I can't help feeling I've become less valued since not getting the role.

Op, this is the wrong way around. You didn't get the job because they didn't value you enough. I was reading something recently about how this goes in organisations that are no longer a good fit for you. You work extra and go above and beyond without anyone noticing because the environment itself is wrong - not you. Your demotivation reflects where you're probably at on your burnout ladder - one step away. It will only get worse. When you feel like this, it's time to move on. I know because I've been there - only I reached burnout before I realised.

Personally, I'd be saying that you feel it would be more appropriate for someone else to lead the event. No excuses, just that. The boss's boss usually does this sort of thing, you wish your boss well and would like to attend (if you do) but you don't believe it's appropriate that you're MC.

And then get busy finding a job somewhere else, an environment that suits and nourishes you, and people who value the skills and experience you bring.

Good luck.

Their loss not choosing you. MC for your friend and shine, hold your head up, talk about the organisation and how important it is for all to grab their opportunities, enjoy what next and smile. You know your worth, never undersell yourself or be used. Let's see if the board made the right choice. I got offered a role, a year secondment, in a museum, then they decided to employ a friend, when it was my research and expertise that had led to the role being created. They told me this around the meeting table, introduced the new chap and said could I send everything to him, eh nope, no contract signed yet and work done in my own time, so I went back to my existing role. I walked out of the room and then ignored the multiple calls for the research, being told it was no longer any good to me, but I told them not there to facilitate jobs for the boys or sell my expertise for no return! Shine, smile and don't be used or abused by the incumbent.

Do you like your soon to be ex-boss? It's for her not the company.

Respectfully, that’s the kind of ‘Ah, play nice’ thinking that gets women overlooked in the workplace. Of course the OP likes her boss. She can take her for lunch and explain exactly why she won’t be mcing the retirement do, for perfectly good reasons. The former boss is leaving. The OP is staying on. It’s considerably more important she not establish herself as someone who can be passed over for promotion and still asked to plaster on a smile and do organisational gruntwork. The ex-boss, if she has average workplace instincts, will get it.

I’d only MC for this event if I thought it would ensure my retiring boss would definitely write an amazing reference for a new job with a new employer. If it’s not going to make a difference dont do it - CF’s! Your only way now is out (and make sure it’s a much better role). I faced something similar at your age and it was onwards and upwards from then on! Don’t get mad get out!

The MC role is just a personality job not a leadership one. Don’t put yourself through celebrating the send off of someone you wanted to replace, all while the new person is sat there. It’s not going to change anything or get you seen in a new light. CEOs don’t host, they give speeches and presentations.

When you put it like that, I think say no. It’s a bit insensitive and you’re obviously feeling down and uncomfortable about it….

Just say no,they should get the person who got the job to do it.

Highly unlikely they are doing this to help her interview for the job they already gave to someone else.

That person is an external hire, so won't know the retiring person at all. Which is obviously no reason why the OP should do it, and I think she shouldn't, but it's not her problem to decide who does.

Do it OP. This is not your boss's fault and by asking for your support she's showing the others how much she values you and giving you a chance to shine.

Nah I wouldn't do it, the organisation gets no favours or going above and beyond any more. You can wish her well privately.

I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't even make an excuse and would also stop being as dedicated and start to look for another job. I was in a similar situation (also in my 50s at the time) and it was the push I needed. I ended up with a much better and more enjoyable job. I also have stronger boundries and don't routinely and constantly go above and beyond.

The ex-boss won't have been the one asking. No one asks someone who got passed over for her job to take on the extra work of MCing her retirement do, and also no one organises their own retirement party!

But I think OP said she had asked for her

Absolutely agree with this. Too many of us have had this sort of shit pulled on us or
we know someone who has had this happen to them. You are absolutely entitled to be pissed off. Absolutely don’t do it. Go on holidays and enjoy yourself. Don’t be made to feel that you need to be “nice” about it or need to “be the bigger person “. Fuck that

@Idealist3 if your boss had any part in you not getting the role, I’d say I don’t blame you. But her leaving do is about her and not this other stuff? So if you’ve valued her as a boss etc, I’d want to do it to celebrate her, if you can. It also gives you the moral high ground.

I completely understand you might not feel able to though!

I think that your organisation have poor form expecting you to do this after they turned you down for her role
Let your boses boss organise and do MC for the leaving do. I am sure that other staff know that you did not get this role. I am sure that people will tell you about your bosses leaving do and who said what and when at this.

I would go away on holidays with your mother around then say for 2 or 3 day's. I would then meet up with some agencies and see what's available with your current experience during your few days off. Get your details up on linked in or any other relevant site for jobs in your field.

I would chat to your current boss and tell them that your mother has booked a holiday for you both and that unfortunately you won't be at her leaving do. However you like to meet up for a meal when you come back to celebrate her retirement.

Once you come back from holidays it no more doing extra hours, sorting out problems or training up your new boss either.
Just do the job your paid for, be pleasant to your new boss and keep quite about the fact that your looking for another role. Be ready to do an extra course or training as soon possible if it helps you get a new job also. If your doing this you have time to do all the extra hours ect that you did in the past.

Maybe there is a better job with more money out there for you. Your next boss could look good on paper. They could talk the talk but not be able to walk the walk. I would not be training them up in there new role either. Let there boss step up and do this or organise this.

Then she's so lacking in tact it's laughable.

I haven’t read every post but my husband had a similar experience about 5 years ago . Was acting up for a manager who had left for two years applied for the job was offered it in the proviso that the CEO have a chat with him first. She actually said she didn’t agree with him being appointed and literally threatened him with if you know what’s good for you you’ll withdraw your application.
the reason I’m saying this is that it has almost destroyed him because he’s an older man in a senior role in a niche occupation. He kept this to himself was excluded from many things and eventually had a breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric ward for treatment.
im not saying this is what will happen to you but now hes talking about it he’s expressing many of the same feelings as you. Humiliation embarrassment anger etc.
buty all those feelings is detrimental to you. Try and be calm and truthful say you are feeling disappointed and that under the circumstances someone else would be better to do this.
look after yourself please .

I learned a long time ago you are never valued for extra work, going above and beyond, you get a head if your face fits, that’s it.

Cab you get another job? But say no to the MC thing, say you’re clearly not the person to be doing it given your junior level, and start working the hours you’re contracted for

Bloody hell that’s awful. Is he okay now?

Maybe, but she seems really sorry that OP has been passed over and this may be all she can think of to support her.

YANBU if you say no. From your first post it sounds as if the organisation has massively taken you for granted over the years. This request sounds like just another example of that.

It sounds like you're far too efficient and reliable in your role to be promoted. I'd express heartfelt apologies to the boss you like and be on leave on the day for ... anything you can think of. Or possibly go sick on the day and drop the fuckers in it.