Asked to MC retiring boss's party after being passed over for her role

[Idealist3]

My boss is retiring and I've been asked to MC her retirement event. The problem is that I recently went for her job and didn't get it.
I've worked in this community-sector organisation for nearly 20 years. I was always the one who stayed late, came in early, took on extra projects, wrote blogs, covered events, etc. A lot of people, both inside and outside the organisation, assumed I'd eventually succeed her. I didn't. I only got one interview and wasn't shortlisted further. My boss later said she would have given me a second interview, but the board decided otherwise.
Since then, my confidence has taken a huge knock. There's also uncertainty about a secondment opportunity I was hoping for, and I can't help feeling I've become less valued since not getting the role.
I'm 51, spent years working part-time while raising my children, and now find myself questioning my whole career. I feel embarrassed and exposed having to stand up and celebrate my boss's retirement when I'm still disappointed about what happened.
Part of me thinks I should just do it professionally and not let anyone down. Another part of me feels worn out and would rather attend as a guest or not go at all.
AIBU for not wanting to MC the event?

I guarantee this is a charity. I’ve worked in a charity for the last 4 years and I’ve seen so many lazy gits who suck up to the Trustees being over promoted and others who work their butts off being passed over for promotion. It’s not fair and leads to huge staff turnover.

This is really tricky as the first thought is to say Don't do it and tell them why! as it sticks in the craw, after what you've been through, and they are stupid if they don't realise that. They are not stupid, they just can't be bothered.

but it could make you come across as a resentful person and you could get labelled, or gossiped about and make things trickier with the new boss.

So I'd be a bit more canny.
Unfortunately, your DM booked you a holiday on those dates so you can't so sorry.

But before you go, take old boss out for a private lunch with one or two key friends of hers and make that a great evening etc,

After that, work to your job description whilst looking for a new role.

Don't do it. Doesn't matter about your boss who's retiring, she will be gone and you'll never see her again. Start as you mean to go on and quietly quit, but cleverly and slowly.

Of course wish your retiring boss well, buy her a pressie etc. and then go and feck off on hols with your mother, let them have their sycophantic party. You'll get no thanks for being a martyr.

I would decline and suggest it is a great opportunity for the new hire to be seen by the organisation. I'd probably even suggest it's more appropriate that the new hire be the lead for the farewell as a sort of handing over of the reins.

Then I'd be looking for a new role because you are not valued where you are. You jave extensive organisation experience and knowledge and sound to be well respected and recognised externally, yet you didn'tget a role that it sounds like you were groomed for. It's time to look for new opportunities. That's a very common outcome for this situation.

I like your mum’s idea of booking a holiday.

To MC an event like that I'd have to be feeling confident, unruffled in the event of unforseen circumstances etc, not self-conscious and already wondering what people were thinking/saying about me before the night even started.

So I think unless you really feel you can style it out and smash it in front of the board- in which case yes go for it- I would decline and I would do what pps have said in terms of privately making a gift to your old boss or taking her out for lunch.

It really is tone deaf of them to ask you.

Definitely do it and show them what they are misting plus you are your bosses first choice (who didn’t make the decision) and it would be kind.

And you never know, the external
hire may fail their probation. Play the long game. Don't sulk. Be professional.

Nothing stopping you looking externally as well. As you say you are well regarded in your sector.

good luck OP.

Do not MC this. They will not recognise 'your vision' from your performance. They'll just see it as.......... being a good MC, a good sport, a fitting person to give the MD the send-off they 'deserve'. It won't make them change their minds, it wont change your trajectory, it wont do you any good in the eyes of the business, it wont transform your prospectives within the charity.

What it will do is make you feel a deep regret once you've done it.
Take your mum up on her offer and stay the eff away from that send-off.

Take your boss out to lunch separately.
Start working out what you want to do in a different charity/business and then make moves to leave. You've clearly gone above and beyond for the charity..........and ...........they've just accepted it without acknowledging it. So. There's only one option for you imo and that's step back, think strategically and go for the job you hoped this one would be. Take your time. Plan it well and go for it.

It's told you one thing - that you are the 'vision' person (when the board wanted a glorified accountant).......take confidence in that. Use that power of the knowledge to really go out there and find that visionary position. Good luck.

I doubt it was her decision, so you’re punishing her for something she’s,likely not responsible for. She may well have advocated hard for you to no avail.

and budgets are important, critical in fact.

Let me guess, you’re female and the board aren’t?
Screw that! Stop doing the wife work. They can make an effort for their employee.
This is advice I also need to take 😁

Do not MC this. They will not recognise 'your vision' from your performance. They'll just see it as.......... being a good MC, a good sport, a fitting person to give the MD the send-off they 'deserve'. It won't make them change their minds, it wont change your trajectory, it wont do you any good in the eyes of the business, it wont transform your prospectives within the charity.

This ^

The only reason to do it is because it is a leaving do for a friend and good colleague / boss who you have worked with for a number of years, and she asked if you would. If you want to do it for her, then do so, but DO NOT try and make it into a performance for the board. that really is a terrible idea.

As I said earlier, I would say no, but if you feel you want to do it to give her a lovely send off, then do it for that reason. It is not her fault the board want to go in a different direction from the one where you feel your skills lie.

Master of Ceremonies.

The person who will address the gathering, introduce guests or speakers, make the event run on time and maybe say a few words about the retiree etc

Politely decline, and perhaps have a private word with your retiring boss. You could probably say you'd get a bit emotional and would not want to mess up and spoil such as important event.

This 100%

Punishing? Is the moving-on boss gonna be crying in her leaving-do Chardonnay because the OP doesn't want to be MC? These are grown women.

She (the boss) is moving on; the OP is stuck, and resentful. The OP doesn't owe the boss this big ask and shouldn't be expected to suck it up because her boss may - just may - have advocated for her. Ex-boss lady will understand.

Yeah that would be a hard no from me!

They know what they’re missing. And they’ve decided they’re not fussed.

And make sure that you do not find yourself onboarding or training the new recruit.

I'm surprised at all the people saying not to do it.

I'd do it and be fabulous - partly as your outgoing boss asked you to and it's a great leaving gift and partly to prove your professionalism.

Moving forwards though I would work to role specification and practice saying no. I'm a people pleaser but have really learnt to say "hmm, that sounds interesting what would you like me to to stop doing so I can pick it up".

I definitely wouldn't pick up pieces and mask for incoming person if they have problems. I've seen this play out in the charity/ NGO sector a few times as I have a lot of friends who work there. On two of the occasions the in-hire didn't work out and one of the extant team members got the role second time round.

The situation I know best was when an incoming director hilariously refused to work at all outside his core hours which made it really difficult for his wide and international team to arrange meetings with him. The fact the role involved managing people in different time zones wasn't hidden and in general the organisation allowed workday shifting to accommodate such meetings (which weren't that frequent).

The crunch though was when a highly competitive/ strategic grant application didn't get completed despite prompting from the team (two of whom had applied and been passed over) about the impending deadline/ work needed to complete it/ importance of it.

One of them had even approached him in the middle of the previous week asking if they could re-arrange/prioritise other work due to the grant application and had it in writing from him that this wasn't possible/ the grant application wasn't a priority.

This was just as US Aid cut budgets and the lost grant was a big chunk of planned income. Only then did his managers wake up to the fact that a 9-4 director wasn't going to work out. It was interesting that the external hire was a youngish bloke, and the two internal candidates were older women.

Ah op that's really difficult and it's understandable you're gutted and confidence has taken a hit. I work in the same sector and tbh finance driven leadership at that level is what most boards are looking for now above all else because the funding climate is utterly grim and unlikely to improve any time soon. I actually know quite few people over the last 3/4 years who have had the exact same experience of years of experience and great leadership going for the CEO role and being passed over because funding/ financial experience was the driver behind the interviews. I hate to say it and I don't want to come across as harsh at all, but there has maybe been a small gap in your interview prep/research if you didn't plan hard for that as this has been the case in this sector for a few years now and is such a hot topic. But on the up side, you now know this so you can use that to your advantage should something similar come up in a different organisation or if the new ceo is not the right fit.

So while it's really difficult not to, I actually wouldn't take it personally because that's not unique to the organisation you are working for and genuinely probably is no reflection on your dedication or ability to lead and direct. Your boss probably genuinely did want you to get the job but interview panels have to operate on a very transparent basis especially at that level so there was probably nothing she could do. It's most likely been a scoring system with evidence against each score.

If you like your boss I would do the MC. I understand why you'd feel quite exposed doing it but op you have nothing to feel badly about. You put yourself out there (as you rightly should have) and I imagine others are in your corner more than you'd think. Everyone in that room at some point will have had the experience of being turned down or passed over for a job. Noone is going to be thinking less of you/judging you for it.

I think if you don't do it, people will actually be more inclined to pay attention to that and it could risk coming across petty even though I'm not saying it is petty - people like to look for drama.

The alternative is suggesting you share mc duties with others in your team? So you can still contribute but the whole thing isn't on you?

This is not how interview panels work though.

My mother things she could have advocated for me more and wanted to book us flights on hols!!

I like the cut of your mother’s jib.

Don't be her MC. That's rubbing salt into your wounds and your boss knows it. She's got some nerve, I'll give her that.

My mother things she could have advocated for me more and wanted to book us flights on hols!!

Your mom is dead on on both points. Go on a holiday with your mom and make some good memories. And don't give your all to your job. They don't care.

@WelshRabBite Act your wage moving forward.

I have never heard this expression before, I LOVE it!

You might be better than the new CEO, but you might also have made it too obvious you thought you were much better than her, and that lost you a lot in the interview. Being over-confident can be a problem.

Often people who have been for too long in a place are too comfortable and have lost sight of the big picture