Asked to MC retiring boss's party after being passed over for her role

[Idealist3]

My boss is retiring and I've been asked to MC her retirement event. The problem is that I recently went for her job and didn't get it.
I've worked in this community-sector organisation for nearly 20 years. I was always the one who stayed late, came in early, took on extra projects, wrote blogs, covered events, etc. A lot of people, both inside and outside the organisation, assumed I'd eventually succeed her. I didn't. I only got one interview and wasn't shortlisted further. My boss later said she would have given me a second interview, but the board decided otherwise.
Since then, my confidence has taken a huge knock. There's also uncertainty about a secondment opportunity I was hoping for, and I can't help feeling I've become less valued since not getting the role.
I'm 51, spent years working part-time while raising my children, and now find myself questioning my whole career. I feel embarrassed and exposed having to stand up and celebrate my boss's retirement when I'm still disappointed about what happened.
Part of me thinks I should just do it professionally and not let anyone down. Another part of me feels worn out and would rather attend as a guest or not go at all.
AIBU for not wanting to MC the event?

But that's not supportive. The boss wants @Idealist3 to perform nicely at her function when she has to know how bad she feels about not getting the job. It's more like a fuck you and how you feel about being passed over, perform for me.

Take mom up on her offer, that's the support OP needs right now. A few days of R & R, mom support, and time to think about the future.

We can't know what is going on inside the boss's head, so I guess OP can only do whatever feels better to her (probably giving it a miss.)

Yes, there's nothing 'supportive' about requiring someone to plaster on a smile and run an event for the retirement of someone whose job she wanted and didn't get, especially with everyone there saying 'Oh. there's X trying to look like she doesn't mind.'

Say no -by all means attend but it’s fair to say you don’t have the capacity to prepare adequately and besides that’s the Chair’s job at that level of seniority. Your boss was the CEO. She has more power in appointing her successor than she’s letting on. If she really wanted you to have that post you’d have at least got a second interview. You know now you have gone as far as you’re going to go in that organisation and it’s time to step into a CEO role in your sector, so start looking.

No need for this. It’s sounds bitter and unprofessional. Saying no is fine but don’t have to be childish about it

I would tell your boss you are too upset about what has happened to be able to do it. Start looking for a new role and ask her to be a referee.

Just say no- I will be there enjoying the event but it is not something I would feel comfortable doing. Those higher up can do it, let them work it out amongst themselves. No need for excuses.

Also, why the fuck does a leaving do need an MC, and why the hell do those organising it think it should be up to you anyway? Let them sort it.

I would 100% say no to this. It might not be your bosses fault that you didn’t get the job but they are not entitled to you bloody being the MC for their leaving do 🙄 I was asked to do something similar at a previous organisation and almost laughed when they asked me…it was a polite but firm no.

You’re busy that day aren’t you?

Right!!!?!?!?!!

This is a very underrated statement. I’ve never thought about this before but the last events I’ve been to, many have been emceed by women while the key note and main speakers have been men.

This!
100%

Fully agree with everything said here.

Definitely start saying no. I bet they will expect you to support the new hire as rhey know how awesome you are. You sound bloody awesome btw. but you're giving too much of yourself for free! Which is why they were probably loathe to promote you as you are doing about 3 people's work.

“Sorry you didn’t get the job but please work all night at my party”.
So you don’t even get to relax and enjoy a night out.

Is the new CEO likely to move on after a couple of years? If so, you may get a chance again. If you like the charity, and would like to stay, sounds like you need to build up your finance skills- so do that. I am not remotely surprised the interview was about finances. Get the development. Qualifications (funded by charity) and experience there - can you pivot to finance in your current role span? Sounds like you don’t have much experience in winning funding and grants, that is bread and butter I would think, so do it. And be ready either for the post when it comes up again or equip you to move elsewhere.

I agree with PP above, finance and funding is the cornerstone. IMO ‘vision’ is the fun stuff and blue sky spitballing a lot of people have skills in. What you need is delivery, and if it’s of a changed system, and for less money, then that’s showing CEO level leadership. And no, I don’t think MC is appropriate for you in light of their decision, but you should ask to say a few words in a speech yourself. That’s Csuite behaviour! Good luck.

When you say you do a lot of extras, staying late etc, it reminded me of a thread last year. A woman went for a promotion and unexpectedly didn’t get it. Then she overheard someone asking the boss why she didn’t get it and the boss said something like ‘she does two peoples jobs now, if we promote her who is going to do everything she does?’ So her helpfulness worked against her. I can’t remember what she did about it though 🤔.

Yes I often witnessed really good people not being promoted and it seems to me that those people are SOooo good at their job that replacing them would be more difficult so let’s get in an outsider or another more replaceable person.
Sad really 🤔

I remember that thread too . Never go above and beyond for an employer . Just do what you have to do. Most people get on in a company because they are liked , not because they went the extra mile.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the job OP.
As I see it you have 3 choices - do it, say no to doing it, or book time away from work so you can’t.
I’m in the say No camp on the basis that it should be MC’d by whoever your boss reports to. If this is the Board then they can pick a name out of the hat.
I suspect that if you do say yes, you’ll be left to organise and run the whole thing, which in the circumstances wouldn’t be my choice - better to let someone else have the worry.
Surfer Roma’s suggestion that you offer to pay a short personal tribute during the evening is a good one.

This, this and this. All day long.