AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

[Trombolice]

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

Cocklodger & daughter alert !

But you’re also entitled to not want anyone moving in

It's Freed from Desire by Gala (?) from the 90s.

If I was OP I'd be measuring for a new patio!

Relationships don't have to lead to living together. I'm never living with a man again. I'd rather go into a nunnery. Happy to be committed and have a LAT relationship, though, (Living Apart Together.)

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 One made with quicklime cement!

Why? A lot of comments on here suggest the same but we don’t actually know what he’s bringing to the table. He might have more money than OP, he may of had every intention in paying his way. Just because he’s renting and has a daughter that doesn’t automatically make him a ‘cocklodger’ as some have described him.

I got that autocorrect too! 😂

Generally people in relationships talk about things and discuss them; if it's a reasonably balanced one.

Whilst you're BF may have been assuming too much, not necessarily outrageously so, the reasonable response would be "Whoah cowboy!" (or similar depending on the words you use) and take the discussion from there.

Thinking along the lines of 'My House is Bigger then Your House' says more about you and is a little bit vulgar.

Hopefully your relationship is about more than the size of your house.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I couldn't care less if a man has more money than me. If he starts making decisions about my life and my property and strops and calls me selfish when I say no. He can fuck off

He told her she was selfish and unfair having too many bedrooms and he got mad when she said she had no intention of having anyone move in with her.

That pretty much has cocklodger wanting to move ve into her place and she be the bangmaidnanny written in big safety coloured letters.

It's him who was pointing out her house was bigger than his and that she would be selfish not to be sharing that space with him and his daughter. But that makes op vulgar?

No he’s definitely a cocklodging freeloader. He’s already told his daughter they’re moving without even asking. It doesn’t matter how much he earns, he comes with child and no house of his own and he’s calling her selfish for not wanting to share - he’s entitled prick.

I wouldnt marry him or give him any rights to my house but i wouldnt want to be with someone a year and a half knowing it was never going to progress.

Which is fair, if he raised the question about how she sees the relationship progressing and if she sees a point that she may want to consider living together and what that would look like. I don't think anyone would consider him unreasonable for asking that

My thoughts exactly!

I’ve told him I have no intentions of living with them both. My kids have grown up and are independent, I don’t want to start again with a new teenager (she’s 12).

He’s not happy, has said again that I’m selfish etc etc until he asked “what about when she leaves home?” 🙄

cocklodger

Yeah that’s fair, agreed that his reaction was also out of order. Perhaps he felt a bit taken aback that this wasn’t in OP’s mind at all when he thought it would happen someday.

Have you replied?

So he’s not apologising for overstepping the mark, but is still calling op selfish?! Angry that his long term plans have been foiled, no doubt.

I think the daughter would hate to live in the middle of nowhere and be dependent on lifts.
if I had a big house I’d love a partner to move in with me but he’d have to pay market rate rent for the 1.5 bedrooms and wear an tear and take care of his daughter properly.
do you have kids op?

@Trombolice i am gobsmacked that he has the audacity to call you selfish. The entitlement of this wannabe cocklodger is astounding. No apology for misreading the situation and being presumptuous - no he goes on the attack and calls you selfish. No thought for your adult dc, perhaps they might return or need to. My gob is well and truly smacked.
Please tell us you told him him to jog on? And keep going…..

My god, the presumptuousness of the guy.