AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

[Trombolice]

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

have you dumped him yet OP?

Kick him to the kerb he saw you as an answer to his housing issues.

By not recoiling in horror
moving in together is natural progression of any relationship

all it needed was it’s something we need to discuss but I wouldn’t move to yours or you into mine we’d get somewhere new together

considering OP owns hers already buying together isn’t straight forward plus early days to commit to buying a house together

and if they rent together what would OP do with her original house she’d still have to pay for
there wasn’t any indication he wasn’t prepared to pay his way

If a man had unilaterally decided he and his child was moving in with me and making me a step mother and had the audacity to call me selfish. I would also recoil in horror. Even if I would have been open to the idea in a sensible discussion. His entitlement to my property and assuming I'll be taking on his child with no discussion would make me dump him. His entitlement would only grow once he'd moved in. The strop would've completely sealed it for me. He's talked to his daughter before op. He is a massive red flag

don’t let them move in. Read the other thread about dealing with that shitty child and be wise about taking anyone else child in your home

Massive red flags here OP! Not because he assumed you'd moved in together as much as the entitlement, the fact he told his daughter before he discussed it with you and most of all the bratty strop when you didn't just go along with it

He fancies being Lord of your manor and judging by his behaviour, if you let him move in, you'll never get him out.

You are very polite 🤣

I’m guilty of needing a positive update too

What age is the daughter? I wouldn't consider him moving in until she she has finished secondary school and is over 18. That would be fair I think. No stepmum or nanny with a fanny role either for you that way.

If the girl is 5, that's a long wait, but you would be worth it! And he wouldn't have to change her school in the meantime. Win, win.

Cue, DD is so disappointed, how could you let her down?

Cue, we have already given notice to the school.

Cue, we have already given notice on our place and will be homeless if you don’t take us in.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were so selfish.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were unkind.

Cue, you’ve lied to me all this time about our future.

Cue, nobody else will want you, you [insert misogynistic slurs].

That was a massive hint wasn't it?! 🙈 Obviously, he is planning on cocklodging 😱

He will probably be threatening to dump op
Surprised he hasn't been measuring up the rooms. Bet he knows what it's worth

I made the mistake of googling *MY LOVER'S GOT NO MONEY, HE'S GOT HIS @Trombolice to find out the name of the song ...

and it returned a spate of porn sites!!!!! 😬

🤣🤣🤣

Both.

Save op the job if he did

I reckon he was aiming for moving in over the school holidays and moving the child's school for the new academic year. Then it would be selfish if op didn't use her annual leave to provide some free childcare over the summer

I know right! Whatever the fuck happened to men wanting to be the provider?

And then he will drop having to even be nice to her mask.

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

This man is very entitled. Jesus.

I think it's always best to set out at the start of a relationship what you want - and, crucially, what you're NOT up for. What your lines in the sand are.

For example, when I started seeing my current beau, I made it clear that I am never living with a man again. I also said I am never marrying again. And I reiterate that occasionally. It was my twentieth wedding anniversary yesterday (not divorced yet) and I reminded him that I'd rather be strung up by my thumbs than every marry again.

After my mum died, my dad eventually started seeing someone else. At the start, he said that he wasn't up for marrying or combining households at his age, but a committed relationship sounded good and his ideal was to be a LAT. (Living Apart Together). Worked well since they only lived ten mins' drive apart.

If you know for sure that you don't want to progress through any of the traditional markers of commitment, it does save a LOT of trouble if you're clear at the start. And reiterate occasionally. That way, they have no way of pretending they didn't know.

Otherwise, you waste a lot of time together before this incompatibility comes out.

Hobosexual cf

Cheeky bastard !

Get rid.

Well done on standing firm and not coming on here complaining “my DP has moved in with his daughter and I hate it but I can’t say anything” 🤣

You’ve been together 18 months.

Him thinking at some point you’ll move in together is hardly beyond the realms of normality.

Clearly his delivery and communication and discussion skills need improvement!

But at least you now know he sees a future for you both!