AIBU to suggest Wisley as a halfway meeting point with DD?

[Buzyizzy217]

I’m not that familiar with all the abbreviations on here, so apologies.
DD and family live 4 hrs from me. We have a volatile relationship, but during good times, which are usually short lived, I have made the journey twice, staying at hotels overnight.
DS is getting married next year, lives just over an hour from me, 3 from DD, and has told both of us to sort ourselves out as he obviously wants his family there, and on friendly terms. No probs. I have since made the effort to go down to see her and we had a lovely lunch and afternoon out shopping.
However,
I have reached the point in my life where I do struggle to drive longer than 1.5 hrs after a busy day, not an issue if I’m fully rested, but I’ve noticed my concentration levels drop if I’m tired.
We are trying to arrange a meet up as I haven’t actually met my grandchildren, aged almost 4 and 15 mths, yet. I suggested Wisley as it’s about 1.5 hrs for me, altho a bit further for them, and it’s a great family day out. Her replies told me she hadn’t read the website and hadn’t a clue about it. Apparently I’m saying no to all her suggestions, there has been 1, and I said no as it’s over 2 hrs from me. I’ve suggested she maybe reads the website and info on Wisley before texting me, as I had checked it out before suggesting it, but she won’t.
I’m genuinely concerned that nothing is going to be sorted out. We tried therapy and as soon as our therapist asked her pertinent questions, she burst into tears, and was completely unable to handle that she needs help.
When we had our day out down at hers a couple of months back she apologised for her behaviour and I thought maybe she meant it, but….
So, AIBU to suggest we meet there and if she won’t, I back away as she’s really upsetting me and frankly we all have enough on our plates to not have family adding to our woes?

Oh wow aren’t you the lovely lucky one. Some people’s families have nothing to do with them and it’s mutual. This OP is. Obviously trying to.

I actually think Wisley looks good for kids from the website (never been). Nice playground, lots of open space, my similar aged DC like looking at trees and flowers etc. If we were ever nearby I'd happily take my kids if it wasn't chucking it down.

I would guess the issue is not Wisley but rather the 2.5 hour drive with two very young kids.

Why are you refusing to use the ‘quote’ function, so that we know who you are responding to?

Meeting midway for lunch isn’t really that practical if it means a 2 hr + drive, you’re just too far apart. Both get train to somewhere more central - London?

Driving any distance with 2 small dc is hard work. You don’t want to drive far. Can you travel to her (by whatever means), stay over locally (Travellodge etc) and travel back the next day?

I hope you are able to rebuild your relationship, but please be sympathetic to your DD’s and DGC’s needs as well as your own.

Why do you need to go at all?

It doesn't sound like you want to go and it doesn't sound like she wants to meet up, so why can't you have a long distance relationship?

If you can get to Wisley you can get to Legoland. Much better for the children.

@Buzyizzy217

Can we introduce you to the "quote" button. No one has a sodding clue what you're responding to!

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Use it!

OP’s complete refusal to do something as basic as click ‘quote’ when responding to people (despite it being explained to her multiple times) is leading me to believe she’s not a particularly reasonable person, or someone who is willing to take things on board.

I wondered this.

And if they can't be civil he'll have to choose who to invite.

@Buzyizzy217 I appreciate its outing but where is your DD suggesting that you meet? Can you get a train there? If driving is too fatiguing for you then you have to find another means.

Tell your DD that you can't drive and need to take the train and can she please come up with a location that is suitable for her and your grandchildren (DGC) that you can get a train to

@Buzyizzy217 Hi Op, can you answer some of the questions you are being asked so we can make some constructive comments as so far you seem pretty entrenched in your viewpoint and why ask for opinions if you are not willing to answer questions that we help inform our answers.

We hear you have a limited income, and are unwell. You have OA but you are a cleaner so you can't be too physically unfit as the two don't mix. What I would like to know is how old you are and why you haven't met your grandchildren given their age. This is about more than time and money, both sides seems entrenched in their stance and we need to know why. I suspect your daughter needs to see effort on your behalf and is worried that if she travels with two young kids and it goes belly-up, she will struggle on the journey home with two tired kids

What the compromise is, is difficult to ascertain without more information.

How if you saw her a couple of months ago have you never met your grandchildren?

Your poor daughter! If how you've behaved on this thread is any reflection on what's been happening with your daughter then I can see the problem. ITS YOU!!

Do your daughter a favour and let her get on with life with her kids and tell your son unfortunately you seem to be such a stubborn,annoying person that you won't change, so the relationship with your daughter won't improve and bow out of the wedding. The siblings can bond more over their problematic mother

You should be disgusted with yourself for not making the effort to meet your grand child for FOUR YEARS!!! 4 years you couldn’t be bothered and now you want a relationship with them. Disgusting.

Any public transport that can take you half way to somewhere suitable? Or if you’re set on Wisley, this is available to Wisley itself: Public bus: No. 462 and 463 bus services (hourly) from Woking and Guildford, seven days a week, public bus: No. 714 bus service (hourly) from Kingston, Monday to Saturday

Assume you mean RHS Wisley. It's beautiful there.

But you need to be more accommodating. If she says no to Wisley, find somewhere else.

Wisley is a great place to go for all ages. I regularly go with my parents and kids. However 2+ hours with young kids (over 4 hours in one day) is too much to ask. I think you need a better location.

Ignore the OP-kickers, OP. They're on every thread.

I'm sorry that you have health issues that make you tired. I think you're right not to do long drives, in that case.

National Express coaches can be very cheap, cheaper than the train. Is it an option for you to get a coach to a suitable meeting point?

I've read all her replies and there's nothing wrong with them. She repeatedly says that she has a health issue that makes her tired and that she can't afford a hotel trip to her daughter's area.

You have no idea why. But I'd have thought the strained relationship, health issues, and lack of funds might be clues. You could equally say that the daughter is "disgusting" because she hasn't brought her kids to their grandmother, given that she is the young, fit, healthy one.

I agree with all those saying just drop the idea of a half way point and pay instead for a hotel.

Young children are unpredictable in new environments, mum will be busy caring for them stopping them running off etc - surely it's far preferable to sit for a couple of hours in the local park to your daughter or visit her?

Would your son help you ? ie. driving / picking you up

It sounds like a lot of stubbornness on all sides - if I was in your shoes I would stop trying to be 'right' and just say tell me what to do/ where to be I will be there.

I’ll be honest, the fact that you haven’t met your 4 year old grandchild says more about this whole situation than anything else you’ve posted on here. Doesn’t sound much like she wants you in her life for whatever reason.

You have no idea why. But I'd have thought the strained relationship, health issues, and lack of funds might be clues. You could equally say that the daughter is "disgusting" because she hasn't brought her kids to their grandmother, given that she is the young, fit, healthy one.

Maybe the daughter can't afford to stay somewhere either?

Is it really so bad that the wedding will be a problem?

I mean trying to get things sorted by a particular date rather than naturally is never going to work is it?

A 15 month old is supposed to only be in a car seat for an hour or so. So a 2 hour journey is 3 hours with 2 stops. Yabvu and frankly can see why she burst out crying. You seem to only think about your needs. I'm surprised she wants to meet at all if this is what you're like. Some grandparents would literally spends 2 days travelling to see their grandchildren and you can't be bothered to get in a car. I mean, honestly, get a coach or taxi or flight if you need to. At this rate you might never meet your grandchildren and most people would move heaven and earth to or find it a sad prospect. I think you don't realise how much there is at stake here.