First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

Yes I think they should have said thank you. Was there something about the mechanics of it that prevented that from happening? Did you leave first for example?

Yeah I'd be speaking to your son.

Did he invite both sets of parents out?

Also, I would absolutely say thank you if you paid for my meal but I would be really really confused as to why you did it & didn't say so if you wasn't* the one who invited me out.

But also, maybe I'm too poor for this situation because I'd never go out for dinner without an idea of if I'm paying / splitting or being treated. Because I'd never be able to afford being left with a bill of 6 without notice.

Maybe the knew the bill was covered but didn't know who by so ended up saying nothing?

Personally I'd let it slide this time and just not pay next time. No need to let it affect the relationship when they've only just got married. You clearly have more money than they do so just let everyone pay their own way going forward rather than creating pressure to take turns or cover huge bills.

Not a chance, if she can get something for free she will. They’ve both got literally no shame, they will just sit there in uncomfortable silence until someone else offers to pay.

Me too. So much so I can't bring myself to thank them regardless.

Bit like when someone gives me a gift I don't actually want. I just stare it out.

But I wouldn't notice if someone didn't, as long as everything else at the dinner was pleasant and normal.

Yes, I’m serious. Why the entitlement?

It’s like me, an adult, wanting a pony and demanding someone else pay for it. That’s really weird to me.

Cut your cloth and all that.

No, we all left together. And I was agog that no one else said “we need to get the bill”

isn’t it possible that they did contribute? Maybe they bought the dress. Or the flowers, or paid for their daughter’s first car on the understanding she had a choice between car or wedding fund. Or maybe they’re not in the financial position to contribute. Or maybe it’s a second marriage and they don’t want to pay this time?

OP likely doesn’t know the full wedding budget and who paid for what.

No more dinners out with the outlaws. They are rude. Some people on this thread need to get a grip. If someone is kind enough buy you dinner then bloody well thank them . Who cares if it’s a ‘power play’ or a ‘sneaky pay’. It’s a gift. Say ‘thank you so much. We have had a lovely time’.

Is it possible that they are intending to ask you back - say to host dinner at their house? it does seem odd that nothing was mentioned. Are they socially a bit inept, or if there is a wealth displarity between you, maybed they were embarrassed. All the same odd not to acknowledge or thank.

Lots of people don't get parental help towards their weddings.

@jobseeker2026 Perhaps it's because I'm older, but I'm happy to accept a free meal, I'm not bothered about being patronized! Life is hard and we pay for bloomin' everything, a freebie is great!

If the service was that appalling do you think they thought that you told the restaurant that you were not going to pay at all?

So your husband was gesturing for service and had his card out.

They knew you were paying.

Didn't say thank you.

Oh I like this twist!

Have you talked to your son since the meal?
Has he thanked you?

There isn't a single person on this thread who hasn't said that a thank you was warranted.

Some of us also discussed the way the OP went about paying.

Your comprehension is pretty awful if you can't process those two ideas simultaneously.

Creased at this hahaha, brilliant response OP

I very much dislike being paid for. I’m not a child. It would have been better to wait for the bill and offer to pay so that people had a choice. There’s no point reading this POV and saying ‘what the fuck’ and ‘they walk among us’ - you’ve been made aware other people feel differently, you can now adjust your behaviour or not in the future as you see fit,

It’s a separate issue from the lack of thank you. Although presumably someone who pays in secret doesn’t want public acknowledgement?

You seem to be really glossing over your son’s lack of thanks!

Wealth disparity makes no difference, it’s manners to thank someone when they pay.. weird.

Sorry no! I bought the dress . I bought the flowers. I paid for half the venue.

I think it is very very rude not to thank you for paying the bill and more so that there was no mention of the bill before you all left.

I can only assume that they knew your husband went to pay - it may be possible that they felt embarrassed?

You sound nice 🙄

And a lot of strings attached