First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

Also maybe they are not well off? Maybe your DiL has told them you are loaded and would likely foot the bill?

Are they poor? Tight?

No one said thank you? Lesson learnt. Don’t repeat.

I was joking. Sorry, I thought that was obvious.

Of course you say thank you if you are given something - even if you would rather not be given it. I was trying to show how absurd the attitude was.

Are you Pam and Mick Shipman?

Wildly rude - and actually beyond just rude tbh. Have you mentioned to your son as I think I would.

I know a friend has dashed off without paying accidentally when we've met for coffee.

Maybe they were having such a great time with conversation in full flow they completely forgot about the bill and were too embarrassed to mention it later, thinking you all left without paying?!

Seems unlikely though.

They are just totally rude. Has your son and daughter in law acknowledged that you paid? If not please stop paying for them now.

OP, you aren’t coming across as a particularly nice person on this thread. You sound very sneery, condescending and you are effing and blinding all over the place - maybe they couldn’t wait to be away from you!

Exec Summary: you’re very generous (wedding expenses too) and then seem annoyed when you don’t get the recognition etc you deserve.

So, two options: bring it up or stop doing it.

As a PP pointed out: you’ve posed IABU and heard both sides but want to argue with those saying YABU, so I don’t know what you want from this thread?

Zero excuse not to say thanks.

If you feel humiliated by having someone wealthier pay for your meal, either don't let them pay or don't go.

My inlaws cracked then Dp and I for the bill the first time I met them!!

we joined them for drinks before they went to their own dinner reservation. They were already several drinks in and left before we did. We had another drink and then I got the bill - realising that they’d just left without either paying it, paying theirs etc.

I have no idea how they just walked out without even considering there would be a bill.

It was the first of many underhand things they have done.
By comparison my mum, Dp and I all tried to slide to the bar to pay when they first met! He still has to fight her for lunch!

It's hardly "recognition" to say thank you, is it? It's just manners.

To say thanks is to recognise it

How very odd 😬.
Next time you'll need to announce payment and see how they respond.

My dad would have been like Mrs Doyle and Mrs Dineen in Father Ted at the cafe. Or he’d have phoned ahead and put down a payment in advance. Hell would freeze over before he’d let anyone else pay for him for anything. My FIL on the other hand wouldn’t even think to put his hand in his pocket and probably just assume someone else was picking up.

🤣🤣🤣

Yeah that is wrong. You say "Oh here is the awkward moment haha! How are we sorting the bill?" Then whoever has squared it says "Oh dont worry, its already paid" so you follow up with "Oh wow, thank you! Are you sure you dont want a contribution?" blah blah.

Not great and like hell would I be paying again!

Sounds like crossed wires somewhere.

OP you are vile and I’d be utterly ashamed if I was related to you.

But Carry on. Your posts are increasingly hilarious.

Maybe they’re seasoned Dine & Dashers, and as they didn’t see you pay, are thrilled to see their child has married into another Scoff ‘n’ Scarper family.

No they were just rude. Some one pays. You say oh no, let's split it, if they insist you say thank you very much.
Hardly Beckham behaviour. Just basic manners.

Our son’s gf’s parents are like this. Always let us pick up the bill, we did it once as a nice gesture and it’s now they assume it’s a given. We get the whole trailing slowly behind us up to the counter and then maybe a slight fumble in their pocket as if they’re slowly looking for cash. Or not even that. It’s infuriating and so damn rude. I think they think we have tonnes of money but they’re better off than us. Anyway means we don’t do it all now and have to be very clear at the start about separate bills etc otherwise it taints the evening for us.

They’re super tight in general we’ve realised and have never bought us so much as drink!

Very weird that no one queried the bill or said thank you if they knew it was already paid for by your husband.

Also a bit weird to kind of sneak off to the bar to pay without saying anything though?

Do you think that because you always pay for your son and your DIL that now he thinks this is just what happens and told his in laws that you would be paying. That’s what he is used to and he thinks nothing of it.

I can’t think of any other explanation.

I once bought theatre tickets for a group of friends, I decided in my head that I would cover the cost of them as a gift to them as it was such a nice night out, but I was a bit surprised when not one of them asked me how much they cost or said thank you. It's been years since then and I've always been baffled. I know I could have asked for the money but because I was feeling so positive at the time I just thought, when one of them asks I'll say it's on me but no one ever did!!
I don't get people like your son's in laws OP, everyone knows a meal costs money and should ask at the end!! And then say thank you!!