First meal out with son’s wife’s parents and they let us pick up the whole bill.

[50sandFabulous]

What would you make of this? Son got married recently. Obviously, we have met his parents. However, we have never been out with them before.

The other day we met for lunch, there were six of us there in total. I had said to my husband that we should pay for the whole thing just as a nice gesture.

We went up to the bar at some point and paid for the whole tab. No one knew that we had done this.

When it was time to leave, everybody just left the restaurant and absolutely nobody queried about the bill. Is this not a bit mad?

So basically, we have paid for everybody (which we were always going to do), but there has been no acknowledgement from anybody about the fact that the bill has been paid and absolutely no thank you. I just find this really really weird!

I was expecting somebody to say, oh we need to get the bill, and then I would have said don’t worry it’s covered, but that did not happen!

No. Son chose it.

The only person I would mention this would be to my son. I would just say you were disappointed no one even uttered thank you for being taken out for lunch. Because they are all as bad as each other. Your son should have thanked you too.

But is soooo cheeky

But that’s not what she said, is it?

Wow this is such a bitter, nasty attitude.

Yes it was hideously rude and ungracious op.

Unless of course they paid too and thinking you are being rude not to say anything ... and the restaurant are smiling!😂

Well that would be the last time I went out with them-and I would be also having a word with son about his lack of manners too!

That’s so humiliating for you. You have ‘entitled parents’. As if the world owes them.

Surely your son and dil should have thanked you before leaving! I can't believe her parents wouldn't have at least queried the bill, very odd behaviour!

Agree with @Livelaughlurgyand @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice

@50sandFabulous I think you've unwittingly created an assumption that you'll always pay when you go out for a meal, regardless of who joins you. Your DIL has probably told her parents this, plus they're ill-mannered as they didn't thank you. You need to pull your son up on this too.

My advice would be to change everyone's expectations going forward. Don't pay for everyone anymore, just wait for the bill and split it.

My DH also got caught like this several years ago. He treated his parents and siblings a couple of times and then they started to assume that he always would. He just stopped doing it!

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice I used to think similarly, but then I realized that life is tough and if a relative or friend offers me something nice, such as treating me to a meal, I'm going to accept with gratitude.

Yes this was actually my first thought. What if they paid too and wonder why you never mentioned anything 😆

Really rude . If someone treats you the least you can do is thank them

Not really, but a thank you would've been the polite thing to do.

So who invited who? If son invited then they assumed he was paying? I wouldn’t pay on the fly though.

Incredibly rude people to be honest - my FIL often takes us out and pays and he’s in a far better position that we are but we always offer and do occasionally insist on paying for him too

I find it kind of strange that you noticed they hadn't thanked you. When out for dinner there's normally a lot going on, different conversations, etc. Unless they were actively rude I would chalk it up to a misunderstanding.

Is there a wealth disparity?

They should have said thank you, including son and DIL. Was the restaurant somewhere they wouldn’t normally go. Would your son have told them you would be paying?

I would absolutely hate it if someone went and payed behind my back. And would tell you not to do that again.

Dear Lord - the replies on here are crazy.
What kind of people don't offer to pay or at least thank someone that did pay?
Also I cannot believe your DIL's parents contributed nothing to their child's wedding and let you pay half. Did they thank you for that?
What kind of a family did your son marry into? Has he said they are CF/stingy in the past? What is your DIL like?

My dss are adults and offer to pay sometimes. They earn more than me so I let them. We might pay for drinks in a bar afterwards.

I find it amazing this couple didn't even offer or thank you.

Oh one thing Op before you say anything to your DS: on a few occasions like this, I have known a written thank you to come in the post. Not thinking this is likely, but I'd give it a day or two in case. I have had people for a dinner party and felt they were a bit casual on departing then received flowers and a card a day or two later.

I had only mentioned to DH, but still felt like I'd fired my gun too soon!

When I was on maternity leave my parents came to stay and announced they wanted to go out to lunch to a specific place, it was only when we were all sat down I realised it was because you had to go to the bar to order and pay at the same time, and my mum kept pressuring me to go and order ‘because I’m so good at it’ -she actually let me pay and never offered to pay me back even though they’re quite well off and I was on statutory mat pay.

It is weird that they didn’t say “what about the bill” before leaving.

I do agree though that it is annoying for someone to secretly pick up the tab. Better to let the waiter bring the bill and then openly offer to pay it, if you are feeling generous, rather than doing it subtly and giving nobody a choice. Maybe they would have preferred to pay half and you paying makes them feel beholden or condescended to? Or maybe they would have preferred to pay the whole lot but you got in first?

I know in your eyes paying is simply a nice gesture but it is a bit more complicated - especially, as you say, with people your own age.

I don’t think they not contributing to the wedding is relevant. My DH and I paid for our own wedding…it’s the responsibility of the people who decided to get married, not an obligation of their parents.

Whilst I would have thanked you for the meal in their shoes, I can also see that if you secretly paid they may have assumed you wanted it similarly kept hush hush.

Why didn’t you just wait for the bill to be presented at the table?

No way did they pay anything. They came into the restaurant and sat straight down. They did not leave the table at any point for anything. And then they left. At no point did they speak to anybody like Bar staff, so that definitely did not happen.

Maybe they also paid the whole bill in secret and now the restaurant owners are quids in. Or confused.