Partner on holiday with a female friend!

[Daisymay1000]

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

Sigh.

You’re under reacting

Well he lies, & then lies again, whether or not she is a threat to you. So not much point really

I disagree if she's a member of this friendship group. Men and women can be friends, would you honestly not be able to go on holiday in a mixed group? The dishonesty is an issue but perhaps he was concerned about this reaction? If it was the two of them together then that would be one thing but I don't really see an issue with a female friend joining a group of male friends, on the face of it.

I'm not good at the female friend thing, this is literally the only topic that came close to splitting me and my husband up over the years.

Unfortunately my ex used to meet up with his female friends and hide it from me. I'd find out from receipts or from them telling me not realising i wasn't supposed to know. Not cool. Left me massively insecure about that kind of thing.

I would not be ok with a female friend joining them on a lads holiday but it's not like it's just the 2 of them so I think I'd be able to look past that. The main issue is the fact that he didn't tell you she'd be there, sent photos where she was clearly deliberately not in them and then lied saying she might come when she was clearly there all along! Sounds like he knew you wouldn't be ok with it so hid it from you.

Well done for dumping him. You don't want him treating you like that again!

Agree with this. I thought it was just the two of them but a woman taking part in a group holiday is totally different and I wouldn't have an issue with that. I am guessing the reason he lied was because he knew what your reaction would be, and he was right, rather than him thinking he was doing anything wrong. Perhaps you are just not compatible and then it's good that you broke up with him.

It’s a mixed friendship group so it’s not just your partner and her. So I don’t personally see a problem but it’s obviously a problem for you. I’m guessing he wasn’t straight with you as he knew this would be your reaction, it wasn’t right of him to lie but I can understand why he did.
Do you think she’ll be having sex with all of the friends or just your partner? Do you generally have trust issues or just with him? Does he have a history of cheating on you or has that happened in a previous relationship?

Meanwhile, in the real world, for women with standards, your boyfriend going on holiday with a female friend then lying about it is unacceptable.

Are you sure there are any of the guys there?

It's actually not, and this pass agg 'women with standards' is such a nasty dig. Women and men are allowed to mix, not everyone feels anyone with a vagina is a danger and that's ok.

Spot on, imo. No way I’d be ok with this - if he lied about it, he knows it’s not ok.

Group of mixed friends going on holiday together - not even a tiny issue, you're being ridiculous to object to this.

Partner lying about woman going on holidays with the lads - that's a problem.

WTF!? So women and men in relationships who have friends who they like to spend time with of the opposite sex have no standards?

Dumping him was the right thing to do.

It's the lying that would bother me more than the female friend going on the holiday as such. If he felt the need to lie, does that mean there's more to the friendship than he admits?

The fact he lied is the main issue.

Going on a group holiday with a friend that's a woman: fine. Lying about it not fine, IMO. But then again if you're someone who kicks off if he spends time with his friend who happens to be a woman maybe that's why he lied? Although it seems like he also doesn't think men and women can be friends, so.... this isn't really a way of seeing the world I understand lol

Well exactly this.

Would the op have coped if he told the truth or be just as controlling?

Yanbu he lied. Why lie if it's all honest and above board?

He lies when it's easier for him. Dump him.

I think you're being unreasonable to even use the word 'allow'. Neither of you are children.

Gosh, so many variables: the nature and background of your overall relationship, the nature and background of his friendship with the woman, the overall vibe of the other men going…

I mean, when I met dh there was a woman in their friendship group. To me, she posed no threat. She was always ‘one of the boys’ (and not remotely in a pick-me way, she is just very straightforward, quite ‘manly’ herself and has always got on with other men). She’s also a thoroughly decent woman with high moral standards and wouldn’t have dreamed of flirting with another woman’s boyfriend. So I would have zero problems with that. Dh and his friends are also among those rare species of decent men and in the decades I’ve known them, not one AFAIK has cheated with his partner.

Another woman, another man, and a different set of friends and rules… I’m not sure I’d be happy. The lying is unforgivable.

Why did he lie? That would be the issue to me, not necessarily the woman.

This. It’s the lying that is the problem, and the reason why you did the right thing in dumping him.