Partner on holiday with a female friend!

[Daisymay1000]

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

If he hadn’t lied about it then you’d be unreasonable if there was no evidence to suggest that you should be suspicious.

However the fact that he lied about her not being there from the beginning would be grounds to be angry with him.

0 issues with him going away as part of a friend group and there being 1 woman.

The issue is the lying.

If you haven't got trust in a relationship, you've got nothing.

You're better off without him, OP.

Unless there's a backstory with the girl, then I can't see any issue with her staying in the same apartment.

The issue is the lying.

Did he think you would fly off the handle if you knew?

And where did I say I disagree? He’s been dumped. But the reason still remains the same of why I don’t like or feel comfortable her being there 😂

Again, the phrase 'passive aggression' appears as a way of criticising a poster.
On Mumsnet It appears all the time to negate or criticise a point of view, without justification imo.
What phrase should the poster have used to avoid the 'pass agg'?

How long have you been with bf?

Then it would never work for you as a couple anyway as you would never trust him around his female friend.

This

I would be ok with my husband going away as a group and there being a female but not ok with the lies!

I couldn’t be with anybody who lied!

Since you asked, if you remove "in the real world" and "for women with standards" the point remains exactly the same but loses the passive aggressive tone.

You forgot the bit about the lies - "she's been there all along".

That's a pretty serious lie. So yes, women with standards don't like being lied to. Men and women are of course are allowed to mix - so if you have to lie, why is that? If it is just mixing why lie?

And yes - why should @Daisymay1000 accept being lied to?

I would have no issues with my BF going on holiday with a group of friends which included a girl.

Now he has lied about it, I think breaking up with him was probably the right thing to do.

You're not overreacting enough. I'm a guy, and even I think he's been a cheeky, disrespectful cunt to you. Don't take him back and block him on everything.

You can't see any issue in describing women having male friends "women without standards"? Really? 😂

Thank you for this, I see your point.

Good on your you, OP. The ease with which he straight up lied to your face is the worrying bit.

I had every right to have the truth and make my decision of what I want to accept for myself based on that. Not be lied to and made a fool of by finding out the truth from another woman’s page. It’s not “might be mixing” it’s staying in the same apartment together and going on holiday together.

Glad I made you laugh

He lied to you because he knew you wouldn't like it.
Very common situation when one partner is a little jealous.
I have done it myself in the past. When there has been nothing going on, just friends. I would say my partner was jealous/controlling, so I kept quiet about another man being there.

If there's a woman going on "the boys" trip it isn't a boys trip and I would have expected an invite. Anyway as everyone else has said, it's the lying part that would bother me most, can't stand liars, you're will rid OP

How do you all know the op would have 'reacted' if he told he before hand?
The major problems are

1. he removed the chance to discuss it before hand,
2. straight out lied with the 'she may fly out' when she was already there, and
3. Then tried gaslighting her saying she was the issue and controlling!?

How some of you think its ok for a partner to behave like this astounds me. At what point was OP unreasonable? HIS behaviour of blatantly lying has caused this!

Personally I wouldnt want my husband going away on his own with a woman but if he came and said it was a group holiday which included a woman, no issue!

It's the lie thats the issue not the "vagina"

I don't think someone potentially reacting badly is a get out of jail free card for lying to them. If you know your partner won't be happy you can choose not to do whatever, or discuss it with your partner and find an agreement, or tell your partner you're doing it and accept the consequences. But you don't get to fuck with someone's emotions and mental wellbeing by lying.

You aren’t compatible.
He has rules for you regarding mixing with the opposite sex but doesn’t follow those same rules.
He’s a liar and a dumb liar at that considering she’s been posting on her socials this whole time.

Block him everywhere.