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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner on holiday with a female friend!

531 replies

Daisymay1000 · 02/06/2026 11:43

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

OP posts:
HardyCrow · 04/06/2026 11:37

aquitodavia · 02/06/2026 11:50

I disagree if she's a member of this friendship group. Men and women can be friends, would you honestly not be able to go on holiday in a mixed group? The dishonesty is an issue but perhaps he was concerned about this reaction? If it was the two of them together then that would be one thing but I don't really see an issue with a female friend joining a group of male friends, on the face of it.

The issue is that he was not upfront about her being their and effectively lied about it.

JuliaRobHurts · 04/06/2026 11:40

OP's now ex shouldn't have lied but I can understand the reasoning as OP is irrationally jealous of female friends. They were obviously incompatible and OP ending the relationship is the best outcome for everyone.

OP ex is free to find someone who accepts his platonic female friendships. Meanwhile OP is free to find a DP who won't socialise with females unless they have had OP's approval.

PrettyPickle · 04/06/2026 12:30

Which ever way you look at this, it was right to end the relationship because there is no trust on either side.

My husband had female friends when I met him, which I was happy for them to continue because I do feel men and women can be platonic friends, but I will admit there has been one who came along post marriage who I was very wary of as I felt she had ulterior motives and he was too naïve to see it - this was my intuition and I follow my intuition. Looks like you may have similar concerns.

From the most innocent perspectives your fella clearly thought you would kick off about a female accompanying them from the start and that is why he omitted the fact she was going too. Was he warranted? Only you know but he clearly didn't trust your reaction. Or maybe it wasn't innocent and that's why he didn't tell you!

Then he introduces the fact she maybe arriving mid holiday, he doesn't know yet, when she was already there, why change the lie, part way through the holiday? Did he know it would come out anyway (as it did through social media), were they egging him on, either way it wasn't really a good move was it. And his female friend was clearly egging the pudding with her comments so he clearly misjudged this situation before he went on holiday by keeping her presence quiet because she is not the discreet kind is she?

He should have faced this before he went and risked you being jealous....but why didn't he, do either of you have a track record, him for cheating or you for being controlling? Or was he judging you on his past experiences with other women and he chose not to risk spoiling his mates holiday.

You on the other hand were suspicious enough of his comments about a female friend potentially joining them to check it out on social media and discovered she was already there. Why, were alarm bells ringing?

These are not questions we can answer from the info available but it comes back to the fact that he chose to lie about the situation before he departed and didn't give you a chance to be controlling, understanding or accepting. So we will never know what your reaction would have been, but we do know he chose to lie. So no, I don't think you are overreacting.

And after writing all of this, I have just spotted that you have just had a miscarriage and he still went away? Yep, dump, dump, dump, he has no consideration for your feelings, only is own.

GreenSummerLeaf · 04/06/2026 13:16

Before husband and I married, we lived together, he had made arrangements to meet a female friend, I think he did go once, and then the next time, I said I would come too, as I’d love to meet her.
As far as I know he hasn’t seen her again, of course he could still be in touch as he’s very secretive.
But she was clearly more than just a friend.

Catpuss66 · 04/06/2026 13:25

BoldRobin · 04/06/2026 07:59

She hasnt dumped him. Shes thrown a tantrum because hes in the company of an attractive woman and shes insecure. Shes pretending its because he lied, but id lie too if I was with someone has unhinged and wildly hysterically insecure as her. Id have to lie to function. Its called being controlling, coercive and manipulative. She wont admit that. Its because this womans really fit and she doesnt trust her fella. Vagina rubbing on his back? Uh oh, very very weird comment.

You have got to be a man. He is a liar you are saying that he has done this because she is crazy. Some of us can see through your gaslighting. So he has not only lost his home, girlfriend I am sure his friends will never trust him again, to go quad biking with another girl. He will go through life doing the same behaviour then usually end up abandoned by their children on their own smelling of wee.

MyMilchick · 04/06/2026 14:14

GreenSummerLeaf · 04/06/2026 13:16

Before husband and I married, we lived together, he had made arrangements to meet a female friend, I think he did go once, and then the next time, I said I would come too, as I’d love to meet her.
As far as I know he hasn’t seen her again, of course he could still be in touch as he’s very secretive.
But she was clearly more than just a friend.

Why did you go through with marrying him if you don't trust him very much?

proseccoprincess612 · 04/06/2026 14:23

Catpuss66 · 04/06/2026 13:25

You have got to be a man. He is a liar you are saying that he has done this because she is crazy. Some of us can see through your gaslighting. So he has not only lost his home, girlfriend I am sure his friends will never trust him again, to go quad biking with another girl. He will go through life doing the same behaviour then usually end up abandoned by their children on their own smelling of wee.

I’m glad someone else thinks this posters comments are not ok, at least I know there are a few of us that are straight thinking on here! X

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2026 14:37

GreenSummerLeaf · 04/06/2026 13:16

Before husband and I married, we lived together, he had made arrangements to meet a female friend, I think he did go once, and then the next time, I said I would come too, as I’d love to meet her.
As far as I know he hasn’t seen her again, of course he could still be in touch as he’s very secretive.
But she was clearly more than just a friend.

so whilst living together you believe he was sleepi5with another woman and you're not actually sure if he still is as he's very secretive but because it wasn't shoved in your face, you married him anyway?

user1493379562 · 04/06/2026 15:20

She sounds like some sort of groupie to me. Many years ago my ex who was police officer went to a stag do and all the lads ended back at our house drunk as skunks with their female colleague in tow. She was not particularly feminine, regarded herself as 'one of the lads' and I still have all the photos of her draped over all the men! Some women are just like that! Not the sort my ex would have found attractive but when the opportunity presents itself not all men can show restraint. Good riddance to bad rubbish OP you deserve better from a real man!

LilacReader · 04/06/2026 15:44

Daisymay1000 · 02/06/2026 12:45

For me though it isn’t ok to do something you know will cause an issue and then lie about it. That’s going to create an even bigger issue. If something is going to cause an issue then don’t do it or have a discussion prior. To find out off another woman’s stories she’s on holiday with my partner by seeing them on a beach is absolutely vile.

So do you honestly believe that if your partner is going to have an issue with something then it shouldn't be done?

Error404FucksNotFound · 04/06/2026 15:53

I'd have dumped him too. I hate being lied to.

You should probably stop viewing her social media. Its just going to anger you.

Pinkbasketcase · 04/06/2026 15:54

I think you are completely rational for this!!

I knew your boundaries, lied and now he is caught.
I just hope you stand by not getting back with him.

I believe people have their standards and boundaries. This is yours and he crossed it. You are well within your rights to make that clear to him. And he continues not to give fucks.. this would set me off completely...

Trishyb10 · 04/06/2026 16:04

Speak to HER …. ❤️

Catpuss66 · 04/06/2026 16:09

LilacReader · 04/06/2026 15:44

So do you honestly believe that if your partner is going to have an issue with something then it shouldn't be done?

If you love your partner why would you want to cause them distress? Why would you want to hurt them? Be like saying I want to rob a bank but you know your partner wouldn’t want you too but do it anyway. You robber ends up in prison the partner on her own all because you ( the robber)wanted to rob a bank = lose lose situation.

LilacReader · 04/06/2026 16:10

Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 00:19

I’m crazy and unhinged… says the woman rubbing her vagina on her son 🙃

No, I'm sorry, myself and others although maybe didn't agree with you, we understood. But you've just shown your true colours there. I'm thinking he got off lightly and now they are two singletons on holidays I would leave them to be free to do whatever they choose.

Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 17:21

LilacReader · 04/06/2026 16:10

No, I'm sorry, myself and others although maybe didn't agree with you, we understood. But you've just shown your true colours there. I'm thinking he got off lightly and now they are two singletons on holidays I would leave them to be free to do whatever they choose.

im sure il survive :)

OP posts:
Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 17:22

LilacReader · 04/06/2026 15:44

So do you honestly believe that if your partner is going to have an issue with something then it shouldn't be done?

I don’t believe if your partner would have an issue with something you should do it anyway and lie that’s for sure. You tell them what you want to do, you have every right to do it but the partner also has every right to walk away if they feel it doesn’t align with what they want for themselves

OP posts:
Darklight1 · 04/06/2026 18:28

proseccoprincess612 · 04/06/2026 08:24

You sound like a very nasty individual from all of your previous replies to this OP, I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to seriously engage your brain before you type. I very much doubt you would speak to anybody like this if you were face-to-face and not behind a screen. You sound like you’ve got a screw loose!

Her comments actually read as though she’s this other woman on holiday!!

proseccoprincess612 · 04/06/2026 18:30

Darklight1 · 04/06/2026 18:28

Her comments actually read as though she’s this other woman on holiday!!

This is what I have been thinking, someone else suggested it is probably a man behind those comments - just far too nasty and calculated towards a total stranger who is just on here looking for advice, bizarre x

Darklight1 · 04/06/2026 18:31

proseccoprincess612 · 04/06/2026 18:30

This is what I have been thinking, someone else suggested it is probably a man behind those comments - just far too nasty and calculated towards a total stranger who is just on here looking for advice, bizarre x

Exactly! But randomly saying this other woman is attractive makes me think its her 🫣

Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 18:55

proseccoprincess612 · 04/06/2026 18:30

This is what I have been thinking, someone else suggested it is probably a man behind those comments - just far too nasty and calculated towards a total stranger who is just on here looking for advice, bizarre x

They were the weirdest comments!! Thankyou very much for your responses towards them I appreciate it. Soon changed their tune when they didn’t get the reaction they hoped for haha x

OP posts:
Texasish · 04/06/2026 19:04

You are welcome! XOXO. Yes, when the tables are turned, the other parties involved freak out & make you feel so crappy. Sad thing was, I trusted all the women involved as well. I was so naive and insecure.

Take care of your heart. I realize that you still love him, and I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. Children are sacred. Find a partner who is truthful, and one who will be a lifetime protector of you and your kids.

You're gonna be okay. Sending you light and love from across the ocean. XOXO

proseccoprincess612 · 04/06/2026 19:04

Daisymay1000 · 04/06/2026 18:55

They were the weirdest comments!! Thankyou very much for your responses towards them I appreciate it. Soon changed their tune when they didn’t get the reaction they hoped for haha x

I will always stand up and call out a bully, even if I’m the only one to do so! xx

proseccoprincess612 · 04/06/2026 19:05

And as Texasish says, please look after yourself - He’s no man to do that to you! I’m so glad you know your worth, in time he will regret his behaviour xx

ByRealOtter · 04/06/2026 21:22

Yh my ex hub said nothing goi g on with his “friend”. They are now married with a daughter! Luckily I found my new hubster.

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