Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

You seem to be ignoring the question as to why you have to ferry the kids over to him when he is the one who moved away?

Respectfully you need to get over yourself and do the drive as and when necessary.

This here is the problem. You think he should get you a bigger car?

As a driver of a fiat 500 for 10 years - and also had a rear facing toddler in it - and I live in highland Scotland - your car is perfectly capable. Not all car seats work as well, but there are double isofix points in the back and if you’ve nobody in the front passenger you can have that seat pulled right forward leaving more space to the back seat.

I drive 40 minutes, twice a day up windy, bendy hills in all weathers! Not everyone needs a big car. They’re gas guzzling and more expensive to run. As a single parent I love having an affordable vehicle I can always get parked in. I also didn’t get a great end of it in my divorce, but ive long realised you don’t need any man to do/buy/fix anything for you. You’re more capable than you realise.

This thread has made me remember driving to Italy several years in a Mini in the late 80s and early 90s

900 miles in 2 days, that was was seriously uncomfortable, even though it was just two of us and our luggage😄. The old style minis were seriously small. I don't rhink it was particularly unsafe though. No more than in any other car

That is not to say that DCs dad shouldn't pick up the children himself, he should or at least do half the driving anyway

And that anger is now driving you.

It is what it is. We all make choices and they don't always work out for the best. Believe me, I know.
It's 30 mins away. That is not exactly 'moving away' so no reason driving can't be shared. You do one way, he does the other. Or meet halfway.
You both need to find a solution that is best for the children and, really, I can't see how not being able to drive them anywhere is it 🤷‍♀️

30 mins isn’t long distance. It takes me longer than that to drive my DC’s to school.

He does some drop offs/pick ups.

Youngest is starting school in September and we’ve had to use his address as the schools where I live are shite (I also had to move as couldn’t afford where we used to live) so I’m going to have to get confident in the school run at least.

I Make my ex do all the driving as he moved far away and I do the bulk of stuff for our child on most days of the week so I feel it’s his turn to do an (easy) boring job

I think instead of spending 90k on his car.

He could have spent 80k and gave me 10k for something half decent and safe, yes absolutely!!

I drive my Fiat 500 all over the place, up hill, down dale, motorway, with no issues.
I misread the OP and thought he'd moved a huge distance away, now realised it's only 30 minutes away which changes my view somewhat.

So the issue is your choice of school, not your choice not your ex’s location.

Its very obvious this is what OP waa hoping everyone would say.... That the mean nasty ex should buy her a nice big Safe car. Because she's jealous of his big new defender.

Its a load of nonsense - if Fiat 50's weren't safe to drive on motorways they would not be insurable.

I get the anger.

It is natural to feel that way, and it's really easy to transform the anger at the split into 'why doesn't he care enough about his kids' safety to fund a better car' (which I think is what you are thinking, subconsciously or not). But you have to put this behind you. Just don't let yourself think like this - it'll fuel your nerves and it will also fuel more impotent anger at him.

@ShowOfHandshow did you get 4 kids in a Fiat 500? My brother used to take up the entire back seat. 😆 Ours was red and called Nelly.

I think you got lucky.

A Fiat 500 is a perfectly roadworthy car! It’s not the most powerful but certainly powerful enough to drive on a motorway.

Are you hiding behind the ‘small car’ because you don’t like motorway driving?

This is the problem though!

Women naturally end up ‘behind’ in their careers due to pregnancy and maternity leave etc. Then when a relationship ends people act shocked that a woman expects the children’s father to support his children?

My ex’s financial situation is much better than it was when he met me as having children hasn’t impacted his ability to earn - however it affected my ability to earn and now I’m fucked because of him.

Fiat 500 fine on the motorway there’s loads of them driving up and down the M1. I take your point about hilly though - the Fiat 500 is underpowered going up hills and it can feel pretty scary.

You don’t want him to support his children though, you want him to buy you a big car.

Happy to help search for a rear facing car seat which will fit in the back of your car, if it would help. Although arguably if they are rear facing and the airbag is disabled, this Swedish blogger (and ERF expert) thinks that they might actually be safer (or at the very least just as safe) in the front:

www.carseat.se/2026/05/21/are-children-safe-in-the-front-passenger-seat/

Agree with you. I have a Fiat 500 too, I won't drive on motorways or anywhere hilly/back arse of beyond.

I want him to buy me a 5 door car that I am able to fit the children and buggy in easily (buggy has to go next to my DS in the back as doesn’t fit in the boot). This is for safety reasons.

I do not expect a 90k Defender, however.

Yes, it's absolutely shit.

It just is.

FWIW I'm in the same boat; my ex is a woman (we're both women), but if I let myself think about it, I could get very, very bitter. She came into the relationship with huge debts, unable to fund anything, and left with a lovely stable career and all the debts cleared. She took the car, too - during the split she agreed that since I'd paid for it and paid to maintain it, she'd transfer the paperwork into my name, but then of course she thought better of it.

I think the only thing you can do now is remember: ok, he won out financially, but you have lovely children and you are better off without him. The best satisfaction will be to let him think you are living a good life. You don't need him; you never did.

I would even be giving the slight impression you're rather enjoying yourself now he's buggered off.

This will also be better for your children in the long term, because they will see that their mum is capable and unflappable, and happy on her own terms.

You can get buggies that go in the boot of a Fiat 500. Cossato actually rates theirs in those exact terms - 'fits in the boot of a Fiat 500'.