Refusing to drive on a motorway/long distance in a Fiat 500?

[CheeseSandwich1]

What the title says really!

DC’s Dad and I aren’t together. He moved 30 minutes away and now lives in the countryside.
He expects me to drive to his new home but it’s very hilly and is in the arse end of nowhere, I really don’t feel comfortable driving there in my small car. For reference his own Mum also won’t drive there in her small car.

I also really don’t like motorway driving in my car as I feel nervous as it’s so small and I have to put my youngest in the front seat rear facing. This means anywhere the children need to go that includes motorway driving DC’s Dad has to take them.

I can’t afford to upgrade my car at the moment.

DC’s Dad thinks I’m being unreasonable about driving but he has a huge car (I would feel safe if I had his car as the children are all in proper car seats in the middle of back of the car).

AIBU?

Why did he get the family car in the split? Could you sell the Defender as part of the financial settlement and put your share of the money towards a bigger car?

I unfortunately can’t get a loan or finance due to my current situation. Ex left me completely ruined.

I'm sure there will be an alternative non-Mway route, if you take the children, I hope their father drives them back home.

I love my Fiat 500 and I wouldn’t hesitate to drive it on the motorway and have done so many times. I once drove all the way to Italy in it!

DD has a Fiat 500 I hate her driving on the motorway with it.

Your problem isn't the car, is it, it's the car seats you have? You can get two seats into the back of a Fiat 500.

I think you can worry endlessly about how safe or unsafe a car is, but realistically, a child who's in a modern car seat in a modern car, rear facing, is pretty safe.

I do sympathise because I think it's easy to let nerves get the better of you, and I wonder in this situation if it's perhaps partly the general stress of having to deal with your ex and the journey that is coming out as stress about safety?

But I do think you would be perfectly safe, honestly.

Ok so OP what is your solution if he ‘can’t get them where they need to be’ and you don’t want to drive?

We had an Audi through his business as our family car. When we split up he gave back the Audi to the finance company and then purchased his new Defender personally.

As I said he screwed me to the floor financially and I’ve ended up in not a great way.

(And FWIW, I've driven a wide range of small cars in my life, and my Fiat isn't close to being the scariest to drive on a motorway. Modern Fiat 500s have enough power to accelerate. When I was 20 I had a really underpowered ancient Fiesta that took about a year to do 0-60, and that was scary.)

Pretty sure there were stories of Fiat 500s toppling over on large hills. Saw one almost tip into a ditch at a crossing point on a country lane. You wouldn’t find me driving one somewhere hilly or on a motorway, but I’m perfectly happy doing those drives in my 4x4.

He moved, it's his responsibility to pick up and return the kids.

That said, why are you driving a car you're afraid of driving?

Because right now it’s all I can afford.

We’ve had 2 children and I have my 20’s to him and now he’s fucked off and left me high and dry.

Sorry. I’m just so angry.

Your car is not unsafe or not road worthy (unless you’re driving around on a failed MOT), dc1 has a fiat 500 and drives herself across the country on motorways.
Are you refusing to drive them absolutely anywhere based on the fact that his car is safer than yours?
In what world is 30 minutes a long car journey?!
Honestly op this is just silly.
Although I do think he should be at least sharing the driving since he’s the one who moved.

You should get some more driving lessons. You’re clearly not a very good driver if you can’t drive on motorways. It doesn’t matter what size your car is. Women like you give the rest of us a bad name.

Then tell him to get tae fuck.

Your problem is 2 fold OP:

1. if he moved away, he should do the driving to pick up/drop off. 30 mins is not ‘long distance’ by any stretch of the imagination
2. your hang up about your car is nonsense. You need to get a grip on your anxiety around driving. Not wanting to drive on the motorway in a perfectly safe car for a short amount is time is going to hinder your children in the long run. People drive thier kids around in small cars all the time, the norm is very much NOT to drive around in some big Chelsea tractor type tank substitute.

I’ve driven on motorways for the past 10 years.

I feel nervous in a tiny car. If I had a normal sized 5 door car I’d drive to Australia and back!

Oh nonsense! How on earth would it 'tip into a ditch'?!

OP, what is the engine size of your car, and what year is it? Even if it's a 1 litre, if it's a modern car it should still have enough power to get you up the hills.

Hand on heart - the left front and back wheels went slightly into a ditch and it rocked left and right as if it were about to tip over. I would barely have felt the difference in ground level in my larger car.

1.2 and 2015. It’s done less than 50k miles though as it’s been in a garage for 6 years 🤣

I’ve just become used to driving a larger car where I was high up. I now feel sooooo vulnerable.

Are you sure you weren't just seeing a wobble you would have seen if you'd been outside your own 4 by 4?

It is really hard to tip a car over. You're not going to do it by going slightly into a ditch, honestly.

You'll be fine on the hills then. I had a 1.2 citroen c3 and it got me up and down the hills in Wales with no bother. It had a lot more miles than your car, too.

After my divorce I had to get a little noddy car for financial reasons. I did two years of a 60 mile round commute on motorways in a 2012 Peugeot 1 litre 107 😂 It was fine. It’s still a car, not a push bike.

Edited to add: visibility is fine “lower down”. I even managed to exceed the speed limit regularly. In high winds the cars are obviously very light but you just drive carefully/slow down accordingly.