AIBU to feel shocked by a friend saying she did not want another child as she doesn’t want another boy?

[Omgshesaidthat]

Was chatting with my mum friends the other day & talking about who wanted more babies.

One of my friends said she wasn’t going to have anymore because whilst she loved her son to bits, she didn’t want another boy! She said felt that 2 boys would completely change the dynamics of the household, 2 boys would egg each other on and it would just be too much of a boisterous household.

I was just totally shocked that she would say that out loud tbh and it’s really clouded my view of her.

I’ve got 2 girls and I just can’t imagine not wanting to have gone for the 2nd in case the house was too girly !

Aibu to think this was an awful thing to say and back off from her?

Good for her for being honest.

My mother knew someone in your situation - boisterous little boy who started walking early. His mother ended up returning to work several months earlier than she’d planned because she needed a break from chasing him around! 😁

YABU. We don’t want a second for many reasons but one reasons is i don’t want a boy (not a main reason, mostly financial and because of previous miscarriage). I don’t have any shame saying that. Better than the many posters on here pregnant and having massive gender disappointment that then projects into their child. Good on her for being honest.

Christ people will throw away friendships for any minor reason these days.

Why on earth you think this is any of your business has to questioned yet alone why you think you should judge her for a personal decision.

Get off your high horse.

I think that says more about your inner feelings about boys than other peoples though. I don't find it offensive when people say boys are boisterous, loud, messy, chaotic ect because in my experience they are? I adore my son, but him and all his friends are as I've just described. It doesn't mean their terrible, - I can be quite messy and loud somtimes, doesn't mean I'm a horrible person 😅

One of the reasons I didn't go for a 3rd was in case I had a girl 🤷‍♀️

@Omgshesaidthat

Of course YABU! Why are you so mortally offended at someone else's feelings and choices? I have known a few women who had one boy and didn't go for another child as they didn't want 2 boys I also know a few women (aged late 20s to mid 30s) who have no children, but want them, and they say if the first one is a boy there won't be a second child, because they don't want multiple boys. (Multiple being more than 1!)

You don't sound like a very good friend to her if you would start giving her a wide berth purely because she doesn't want multiple boys. I don't know if you're coming back to the thread, but I have to ask ... why has this triggered you so much? It's just her opinion.

Why don't you want a boy? Genuine question, no judgement.

I think she is in some ways being quite mature and level headed - she knows what she doesn’t want, she knows she has no control over the sex or personality of the second child so has decided to stick with one.

Exactly this. Far better to do what she's doing than take the chance and possibly end up resenting a second son. She's being responsible really. I can understand how some people may make a different calculation, but to 'back away' from somebody for thinking like this is a bit strange.

Don’t see the issue. She didn’t say she doesn’t love the boy she has, she just doesn’t want another one.

For all the chat on MN about sensitive and quiet boys, every time we go to a soft play or a party or a day out or DD1 tells me about antics in her classroom, it’s boys together that seem to bring out the very boisterous side in each other, it’s a very different dynamic, so I can well understand why someone didn’t want to have that possibility, especially if they already have one quite boisterous boy.

We all have our reasons, leave her alone! Up to her for whatever reason not to have a second.
My brothers, I have 3, were absolutely gits to each other. They still now, even in their 50's and 60's have to 'out do' each other. Very dull.

One thing I don't like is seeing boys proper play fighting that is likely to get someone hurt and the parents don't stop it. I would do so.

I agree but it’s normalised I think now. Whenever we go to a soft play party for example it inevitably ends up with a bunch of boys wrestling and shoving each other in the equipment and one or more emerging in tears at various points throughout the party, while the girls tend to stay away and play elsewhere.

I was at a party the other day with two little boys who were tearing around, annoying and shoving the girls who were playing relatively nicely, and parents indulgently chuckling and doing zero telling off, presumably as ’boys will be boys’.

I wouldn’t let either of my girls get away with that behaviour but a lot of boys seem to get a free pass.

I don’t see the issue.

Wow! You’re being so judgemental!
she’s allowed to be honest and say she doesn’t want two boys. There’s nothing wrong with that and she’s supposed to be a friend and now you want to back off from her? That is really weird.

Not good in what way? Does it affect the children?

I know people who have kept trying for a different gender and happy with their third or fourth child being the boy/girl they wanted in addition to their existing family.

All the siblings are loved and seem happy.

Who says a girl would be quiet and easy?
One thing I've noticed in RL is that parents of only girls are no less exhausted or stressed than parents of only boys!

Well bully for them, but clearly we cannot divine some universal truth from your experience alone because the PP has seen different. Are you saying that it's always going to be OK to have more kids irrespective of anything until you get the 'right' one?

I don't think sh said anything bad. She was being honest. Maybe her DS is a bit of a handful and she knows she couldn't cope with another ds who might make DS worse.

After I had my DD then 2 years later DS I waited until DS was at school before having another DC because I knew DS was hard to bring up with ADHD. I have 7 years between second and third Ds's.

Better not to have a second DC if you couldn't love it for any reason.

@Omgshesaidthat I think that's a wise decision- your friend knows that she won't like a boisterous home life. Having said that I was as loud and full of energy as my brothers, probably more so one shouldn't generalise. But two children are def more hard work than one.

I really don’t get why this is an awful thing to say? I genuinely feel like I need you to explain what’s so bad about it. Why would you back off from her because of this?

I have a baby boy and he’s brilliant, I love him to bits. He’s so far been a very easy baby, I don’t think I want another, I’m scared I’d have a second who was a bit trickier/didn’t sleep as well. I think I’m happy just with my one child. Am I a terrible person too? Should ask my friends ditch me?

As a mum of both I kind of get it. I agree it’s not great but also… I get it.

If she’s not willing to have two boys then it’s good she doesnt want another.

That’s so judgey op I’m not sure I’d admit you think as you do; the woman is allowed to not have more kids for whatever reason she wishes not wanting two boys isn’t some form of moral crime, and you’re not superior as you will have kids whatever.

reallh not ok,

I dont really get what was so offensive about what she said.

She doesn't want a boisterous household. Hypothetically a second kid being a quiet neat girl might be alright but two loud scrappy boys would drive her mad.

One and done suits. Nowt wrong with that!