AIBU to feel shocked by a friend saying she did not want another child as she doesn’t want another boy?

[Omgshesaidthat]

Was chatting with my mum friends the other day & talking about who wanted more babies.

One of my friends said she wasn’t going to have anymore because whilst she loved her son to bits, she didn’t want another boy! She said felt that 2 boys would completely change the dynamics of the household, 2 boys would egg each other on and it would just be too much of a boisterous household.

I was just totally shocked that she would say that out loud tbh and it’s really clouded my view of her.

I’ve got 2 girls and I just can’t imagine not wanting to have gone for the 2nd in case the house was too girly !

Aibu to think this was an awful thing to say and back off from her?

I have two boys. I find it extremely offensive when people spout this crap - boys are not awful. My kids are brilliant, normal, flawed humans. They are funny and loving. They are boisterous, but they are not inherently harder or more difficult than anyone else’s female children. I wish people would think before they spoke.

Yes, it’s fine to have a preference. Yes you can have as many or few children as you want/can cope with. All of that’s fine. But to say it’s because boys (or girls) are shit is NOT. I feel sorry for her son because clearly he was the booby prize.

It's her decision and i don't see what the problem is. You chose to have two children she only wants one, its really kone of your business abd not remotely hurty getting upset about, she wasn't heing offensive towards your children by saying she doeswant another boy. Is it really with losing a friend over.

I’ve got two boys.

She’s right.

100%

This. I also have a son and daughter. 2 lots of DS would be absolute carnage. He has the engine of a jumbo jet, he’s just noisier and more physical in everything he does.

Unless you’ve raised boys it’s not really something you can understand.

It’s bloody exhausting!!!!

Yes, it's stupid nonsense, obviously, but it's better than having another boy she didn't want as part of some dimwit hope he'd turn out to be the 'right' sex. At least no child has actually been born in all his male wrongness.

Nobody is saying boys are shit! I adore my boy, I would walk over hot coals for him. The love and joy he brings to my life is immeasurable (same goes for his sister). But he is EXHAUSTING.

Take a chair for example. DD sees a chair, to sit on (or not). DS sees a climbing frame, a platform to jump off, a structure to climb under…. It’s bloody relentless. And while of course some boys love baking and my little pony, most don’t.

She never said boys are shit or that her son is a booby prize. Why are you putting words into someone's mouth?

I love my son to absolute pieces, but he is a whirl wind of chaos and two of him would probably drive me crazy 😂 It didn't stop me having a second though (which turned out to be a girl fwiw)

My girl has been climbing, running and hurting herself since the day she could walk! I know you said not all girls, but we know a few others like this too. She's amazing and I wouldn't change her, but chilled she is not 😂

I think it is better that she doesn't go ahead instead of possibly giving birth to another boy and being disappointed. I wonder though if it isn't just because they are a boy and there might be additional needs to make them seem harder to cope with?

YABU because you have the easiest combination.

According to studies the order of difficulty is (with two girls being the easiest):

1. Two girls
2. One boy and one girl
3. Two boys
4. Three girls
5. Three boys
6. Four boys
7. Two girls and one boy
8. Two boys and one girl
9. Three boys and one girl

10. Three girls and one boy

11. Two boys and two girls

12. Four girls

That’s what she means though. She didn’t say she couldn’t cope with two children, she was very specific that she didn’t want two boys.

I’ve had complete strangers say stuff like, “oh god, I’d hate to have your life. Two boys, urgh.” It all means the same. It is offensive to say it out loud. Think it, fine.

It’s no wonder society has such problems when we have such weirdly fixed ideas about gender.

My girl was like this. I used to have to take her on walks every day. I got her into football which she is good at. She has starter calming down at nearly nine if it gives you hope?

I didn’t say she said it.

Tbf i said similar when asked if I would try for a girl only that I didn’t want a girl as it would upset the dynamics of our house. Fair play to her for knowing what she can handle!

I think... if that's the kind of thing that makes you want to back off from her then yes you should.
Because she deserves better than a judgemental 'friend' like you

Is this the easiest when they’re little? 2 teenage girls is not easy at all lol

I have two boys and whilst they do fight, it's not often boisterous (more dramatic declarations of you're not my brother anymore because you didn't share that toy). My best friend has two girls who have to be physically separated on a daily basis because they fight like pro wrestlers....in my experience it's far more down to personality than gender.

A woman in my area has 7 boys and she loves it never a dull moment in her house.
My cousin has 5 girls and its hell.
Noting wrong with being honest.

I dont have kids never wanted them my resons are im selfish my money is mine,they cost much slurping and slushing when they eat, cleaning pee, poo and sick, i like my home spotless i like to get up and go when i want and i love sleep, and many many more reasons, but id rather be honest about it.

I prefer her approach to some of the horrible threads I have seen on here where posters admit they don’t really want the sin they have discovered they are carrying.

In my view if your feelings about the sex of your baby are that strong, you shouldn’t be getting pregnant.

I have sensory issues connected to my ADHD and I don’t think I could handle two boys, either. On average, little boys are louder, more rambunctious, and more likely to play roughly than little girls. That’s not to say that they’re “bad kids,” but being the mother of two little boys requires a skill set that I don’t have.

Plus, a second child of either sex can really change the dynamic of the household. I have two daughters, and the first one is introverted like my husband and me. We’re all perfectly happy to do things like sit and read for a couple of hours. My second daughter, on the other hand, is much more extroverted - the kind of kid who, if you do something by yourself for half an hour, wants to know why you’re “ignoring her.” 😂 I wouldn’t change her for anything, but it’s a wild ride.

Not the best thing to say but what hope is there for friendship if that’s enough to ditch someone as a rotten human being…

Accidently voted YANBU. I think you're being unreasonable. I would respect a friend who said that.

I thought it was really common for women to want at least one girl. You hear of families having multiple boys until a girl then they stop.

She's not saying anything that outrageous. It wouldn't mean if she had another a boy she'd neglect them or try and put them up for adoption! But she's allowed to say her feelings about it without hopefully being judged.

If you only had boys how do you know you wouldn't think the same?

@bims2019 same here for my girl, all this "boys will be climbing and rough housing" - these people have not met DD. Last year I set her a challenge to have zero accident induced A&E admissions 🤣