AIBU to feel shocked by a friend saying she did not want another child as she doesn’t want another boy?

[Omgshesaidthat]

Was chatting with my mum friends the other day & talking about who wanted more babies.

One of my friends said she wasn’t going to have anymore because whilst she loved her son to bits, she didn’t want another boy! She said felt that 2 boys would completely change the dynamics of the household, 2 boys would egg each other on and it would just be too much of a boisterous household.

I was just totally shocked that she would say that out loud tbh and it’s really clouded my view of her.

I’ve got 2 girls and I just can’t imagine not wanting to have gone for the 2nd in case the house was too girly !

Aibu to think this was an awful thing to say and back off from her?

That doesn’t even make sense what you have just said .

I have one son. I didn’t particularly want a girl and I was happy with my boy. So, it’s me, my husband and our boy.

Is it not better to be honest in that way than for her to be moaning on here like they do about being pregnant after she finds out it’s another boy when they reckon they’re ’grieving’ what could have been?

Yes but you have said you don’t know how you would cope if you had a second boy that’s the thing . Not coping is different from a slight preference for having one of each.

It probably doesn’t, but then you have been very hostile from the start and not really wanting or trying to make it make sense.

As far as I can gather, we have established the following

1. A family with multiple children is extremely hard work
2. It is OK to choose to avoid this
3. It is OK to have a ‘slight preference’ for one gender over the other.

However, I need therapy because

1. I find having two children extremely hard working and
2. I am not totally sure I’d have chosen this if I could live life again and
3. I really wanted a girl, although my son is loved and cherished as a second son would have been.

I am not entirely sure my post is the only thing not making sense.

I’m not going to engage any further with you. I can see I’m getting nowhere here.

I have 2 boys and it is chaos 😂 my sister has 2 girls and although we raise them in a similar way, the boys just seem to have it in them that they want to play fight and run and jump and be loud 24/7 whereas my nieces do some of that they also love to sit and do crafts, drawing and role play together with their toys. I love my boys but having the second one definitely made me feel outnumbered in the craziness than it did just having the one!

edited to add that I understand you may have different views to your friend but do I think it would be a bit OTT to distance yourself from her. Surely it’s better than her planning a second child and only wanting to have a girl..

It’s often said on here that if you don’t want a boy (or girl I guess) then don’t have another child - and that’s what she is doing! Perfectly rational decision. I have two boys and love it. I never really wanted a third but if I could be guaranteed a girl I might have gone for it - but I don’t think I could cope with three boys, so I chose not to!

Likewise.

Perfectly put.

I used to think if my 3rd child was my first he would have been my last, however I had an unplanned pregnancy after him so he wasn't (he's still the most difficult)

I’m aware they’re people.

I don’t know why you’ve taken offence to it when I’m talking about myself and my own experiences.

Ultimately, I think this is a bit like when you break up with your boyfriend because he has an annoying sneeze - you're just not fussed about him, and that's legitimate. If the friend really wanted another child she'd be ok with having another boy. If she's sticking at one for this reason it means she's just not fussed about having another, and that's fine!

I think that's a fairly common feeling isn't it?

its up to her and good on her to voice it. A lot of boys are boisterous and unless you have one you haven’t experienced that, try not to judge others. Some people find parenting harder than others do. You are lucky if you don’t.

Back off from her because of her opinion? That's madness!

This is a common thought I’ve heard loads over the years, that the second child is harder. My aunty always said if her second was born first, she wouldn’t have had more. While I adore my second and we are really close, she was one of the reasons (the main was financial) that we didn’t have more as she was a much harder child than my son.

We decided not to have any more after I had DD, because DH already had a DD from his first marriage and as we couldn't guarantee a boy, it seemed silly to try and risk having a 3rd girl.

Simple as that - why increase the population, put more strain on our finances and make our life harder if we couldn't guarantee a boy?

Harsh as it may be, we were just being practical. And I won't apologise for that.

You are a girl mum, so why would you understand?
Boys are very different to girls during the early years.
i am also a girl mum and found her so easy behaviour wise! My brother has one of each, the boy is totally different from all the girls in our family, he’s not naughty, but play is definitely ‘rougher’… while the girls are trying to duplicate swan lake or playing dolls, he’s running around pretending to shoot everyone, or crashing cars together, or hurtling himself off of something pretending to be a superhero! 🤣 I can see why your friend would think another boy would equal double the chaos 🤣🤣

Exactly! Boys are so much more physical. It is relentless and exhausting.

When my 4th DC was around 7 people asked if I was going to have another and I always said "God no, he has ADHD and I'm exhausted". There are many reasons why someone might not want another DC.

Absolutely nothing wrong with her rationale. Better than having another child and her resenting it!

I dont want another because its hard work do I deserve judgment?

Her opinion and choice, don't be so judgemental, not your life.