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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel shocked by a friend saying she did not want another child as she doesn’t want another boy?

260 replies

Omgshesaidthat · 01/06/2026 14:53

Was chatting with my mum friends the other day & talking about who wanted more babies.

One of my friends said she wasn’t going to have anymore because whilst she loved her son to bits, she didn’t want another boy! She said felt that 2 boys would completely change the dynamics of the household, 2 boys would egg each other on and it would just be too much of a boisterous household.

I was just totally shocked that she would say that out loud tbh and it’s really clouded my view of her.

I’ve got 2 girls and I just can’t imagine not wanting to have gone for the 2nd in case the house was too girly !

Aibu to think this was an awful thing to say and back off from her?

OP posts:
TheIceBear · Yesterday 21:59

pushontheswings · Yesterday 21:48

No, you misunderstand me.

I had a second child obviously knowing it could be a boy (just as I did my first, and he was a boy!)

Logic (surely!) dictates that if I didn’t have one of them it would have to be the second, who is the girl. Which feels awful even typing actually so I am not some sort of witch.

But I wish in many ways I had been as pragmatic as the OPs friend. To be able to say - this is what I want my family to look like, and this is what I don’t want my family to look like.

Yes, my ideal family included a girl. There are all sorts of reasons for that, none of which mean a boy wouldn’t be loved and cherished, just as ds is. But over and above that, I would never actively make the choice to have two children again, knowing what I now do.

I couldn’t really care less what you think about that.

Show quote history

That doesn’t even make sense what you have just said .

ainsleysanob · Yesterday 22:01

I have one son. I didn’t particularly want a girl and I was happy with my boy. So, it’s me, my husband and our boy.

Is it not better to be honest in that way than for her to be moaning on here like they do about being pregnant after she finds out it’s another boy when they reckon they’re ’grieving’ what could have been?

TheIceBear · Yesterday 22:02

pushontheswings · Yesterday 21:58

Indeed they do

but in cases where there is a choice, whether that’s adoption or sex selection through IVF (which of course is not legal here but is elsewhere) girls are favoured. Whether that’s because of women being the driving force there who knows.

Either way it doesn’t matter in this context. It is interesting that you say a ‘slight preference’ is acceptable but anything else is not, and I wonder what that actually looks like in reality. Once your child is here it is difficult to imagine them being anyone else: I’ve certainly never looked at ds and wished he was a girl! In the majority of ‘gender disappointment’ cases it only exists in the abstract. Once the child is there you wouldn’t change them,‘just as I wouldn’t change my own ds.

Show quote history

Yes but you have said you don’t know how you would cope if you had a second boy that’s the thing . Not coping is different from a slight preference for having one of each.

pushontheswings · Yesterday 22:05

It probably doesn’t, but then you have been very hostile from the start and not really wanting or trying to make it make sense.

As far as I can gather, we have established the following

  1. A family with multiple children is extremely hard work
  2. It is OK to choose to avoid this
  3. It is OK to have a ‘slight preference’ for one gender over the other.

However, I need therapy because

  1. I find having two children extremely hard working and
  2. I am not totally sure I’d have chosen this if I could live life again and
  3. I really wanted a girl, although my son is loved and cherished as a second son would have been.

I am not entirely sure my post is the only thing not making sense.

TheIceBear · Yesterday 22:19

pushontheswings · Yesterday 22:05

It probably doesn’t, but then you have been very hostile from the start and not really wanting or trying to make it make sense.

As far as I can gather, we have established the following

  1. A family with multiple children is extremely hard work
  2. It is OK to choose to avoid this
  3. It is OK to have a ‘slight preference’ for one gender over the other.

However, I need therapy because

  1. I find having two children extremely hard working and
  2. I am not totally sure I’d have chosen this if I could live life again and
  3. I really wanted a girl, although my son is loved and cherished as a second son would have been.

I am not entirely sure my post is the only thing not making sense.

I’m not going to engage any further with you. I can see I’m getting nowhere here.

Sobersally · Yesterday 22:24

I have 2 boys and it is chaos 😂 my sister has 2 girls and although we raise them in a similar way, the boys just seem to have it in them that they want to play fight and run and jump and be loud 24/7 whereas my nieces do some of that they also love to sit and do crafts, drawing and role play together with their toys. I love my boys but having the second one definitely made me feel outnumbered in the craziness than it did just having the one!

edited to add that I understand you may have different views to your friend but do I think it would be a bit OTT to distance yourself from her. Surely it’s better than her planning a second child and only wanting to have a girl..

Wincher · Yesterday 23:38

It’s often said on here that if you don’t want a boy (or girl I guess) then don’t have another child - and that’s what she is doing! Perfectly rational decision. I have two boys and love it. I never really wanted a third but if I could be guaranteed a girl I might have gone for it - but I don’t think I could cope with three boys, so I chose not to!

pushontheswings · Yesterday 23:52

TheIceBear · Yesterday 22:19

I’m not going to engage any further with you. I can see I’m getting nowhere here.

Show quote history

Likewise.

Buffs · Today 04:24

LimbOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheHoleTheHoleInTheGround · 01/06/2026 15:00

That's absolutely fine.

She was speaking to a friend about her personal feelings about her own family.

I do think you should back off from her though, for her sake.

Perfectly put.

Katemax82 · Today 04:56

I used to think if my 3rd child was my first he would have been my last, however I had an unplanned pregnancy after him so he wasn't (he's still the most difficult)

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