To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

Well done, OP. No point on wasting any more of your life on this ridiculous man.

I would be sorely tempted to have a quiet word with social services as this is far from an ideal situation and the guy himself seemed more bothered about you questioning him than about the welfare of his child?! 😓😡

YANBU and I think this needs further investigation tbh. I’d keep seeing him for a few weeks to gauge how much his child is getting to eat really. One pizza in the fridge is neglect.

where is her mother? Any other family you could mention it to? If you observe for another week or so and it’s more of the same, I think you need to contact her school or social services to be honest.
horrible situation for you.. xxx

Walk away, he hasn't grown up yet. .and his poor child.

Cared for or cared about? One feels infantilising and one sounds normal.

how old is this dickhead @AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay

He made YOU pay towards at takeaway at HIS house? That alone would have me running. I often run low in the fridge before a delivery but this sounds ott. I’m struggling to see the attraction.

Dump him

This may sound odd. But how do you know he has actually got a daughter and that you were actually visiting his house?

You do not mention meeting her before, or if you had previously visited this house.

I don't think the pizza on the fridge was for his daughter. But to eaten the next day by him.

I share communal recycling bins where l live and it looks as though most of my neighbours exclusively live off take aways. So although not healthy seems to be commonplace these days

You know the ones always crying poverty about the cost of living.

Walk away from this man.somethig is radically wrong with him
🚩🚩🚩

You CAN report to social services but they will probably send it back to the school, as schools are the main source of support now for non-urgent cases. If you report to school, they will log it and if there are further concerns, they will have a better case for social services. Either way, please report it to someone. That poor girl needs help.

Terrifying to think children live like this really but also if they’re both overweight, it’s crass to say but he obviously ain’t starving her! I guess he might do what I know some parents do and get her food from the shop on the way to school I.e chocolate/crisps/cereal bar at a push… Maybe she has a school lunch and then for tea they get a takeout most nights. Sounds expensive to me.

Not unreasonable at all.. he is only pissed off because he knows you're right ..
Surely a dad of a child has cereal or a loaf and butter bit of fruit ... eggs ?? That would bother me .

I'd get social services in for his DD! This doesn't sound right at all. He is really struggling for money and trying to hide it?

Omg. I didn't realise people lived like that! How can they afford it for a start? Nothing nicer than fresh, home cooked food....and a weekly takeaway.

I was one that said I used to have empty cupboards and shop on a daily basis.

‘Home cooked food’ is a fairly wide category. I’m ND so my eating is restricted and I find most people’s idea of good food isn’t something I would eat.

no because he can afford takeaways

I was just specifically replying to "dontletmedownbruce" as she mentioned her SIL literally orders takeaways (even coffee!) via an app 😳

For every single meal 😱

Meh - if someone can afford it, why not?

You'd have to be uber rich wouldn't you? We are a family of 4 and already spend approx £800 per month just on food 😱 so I'd be spending a couple of grand on food! 😱😱
That equates to a luxury holiday every year for a family of 4. If you're a single person it might be different but for a family it's crazy. Also takeaway food is usually loaded with inflammatory oils, sugar etc.
When you cook for yourself you know exactly what's going in to your food. Also me and DD are gluten free and I make our own healthy blend (as lots of gluten free flours are not wholegrain or particular healthy,). Plus I prefer to buy organic milk and organic mince and free range chicken. I don't think I'd even be able to source that if I opted for take out. So I'm effectively feeding my family healthier food at lower prices compared to buying all my meals in takeaway form.

Plus I can be particular about what combinations I want in my meal which I just can't get from a takeaway. Sometimes I might just want scrambled egg on my gf toast topped with cheese and a side salad...and I want it in 10 mins. I don't think I'd be able to order that specifically anywhere would I?......plus it would take longer than 10 mins to get to me....and I might want it at 11pm when takeaways are closed. Alternatively I might want chips made in my air fryer, but how do I know that my chips are gluten free from the takeaway? I might want to top the chips with some (organic) chilli that I made. But the takeaway chilli won't be organic.....and it probably won't have as much veg in it to my liking.....or it might be too spicy. Furthermore my DD and DH might want something entirely different. I couldn't be bothered going online and ordering all that.....even if I could source exactly what I want. So for me personally it's quicker, easier and healthier and "bespoke" to just have exactly what I want in the fridge and freezer and have what you I want quickly and no waiting for delivery or having to explain exactly what I want.
Hopefully I've answered your question lol

I agree with this. He needs to be held accountable.

I mean we often have nothing in the fridge the day before a shop is due. However there’s always cupboards full of tinned & dried food, always! It may not be much (tinned spaghetti anyone?! Ramen?!) but there has never, ever been zero food in the house since the day we moved in 7 years ago! I’d have a serious panic attack if I didn’t have at least a week’s worth of everything my child needs at any given time.

The OP isnt saying much in response to posts.
Im slightly cynical of her 'dump and report update.' Initially she only questioned her own actions and didnt consider ending things at all.

She paid for half of the unwanted takeaway, stayed overnight (and likely shagged him) and went on a day trip with him the following day.
Most people would have gone home that night or at least left in the morning.
I personally would have spoken my mind when it became clear I was expected to pay for my own food (after happiiy hosting myself.)
I really hope you've ended things OP. You dont sound like you have much self esteem. Noone deserves to be treated as an afterthought. It will only get worse as hes on his best behaviour atm.
I dread to think what it would be like to be with someone like him after the initial honeymoon period has ended.
Theres no happy ever after with this man. You would still be a solo parent even if you married him. He clearly hasnt a clue how to parent and has little to no basic life skills.
I doubt hes even good in bed given his lazy approach to everything else.
Please try and work on your self esteem and raise your standards OP. You deserve so much more.

Poor daughter. As for you, I guess you've already run for the hills... What an absolute loser. Hopefully the school will do something to support the daughter. My heart goes out to her.