To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

Blimey. No proper food, paying half for the takeaway, weird vibes about the daughter's care and a grotty house. Yet (presumably) you still shagged him?

A lot of people do eat like that. Some people don't ever eat junk/take outs. Most people are somewhere in the middle, but it seems you're quite incompatible with this man OP, nothing wrong with that, but in your position I'd be talking to him about whether he's willing to change, and if not, saying I'd have to end the relationship.
About his daughter, while I'd never do that, there are a lot of parents who only give them junk-some divorced parents say their kid refuses to have anything at their house. because mum/dad lets them just eat like that

You're well rid, got cocklodger written all over him.

This 👏👏👏

It seems odd. Like he could've styled it out and said his supermarket delivery was due later or he was literally going to do the weekly shop that day.

I'm hoping the daughter doesn't live there full time? He sounds like he's living like a single student.

Even if he's addicted to deliveries they all do groceries now. Not having things like bread, milk, coffee or cereal is quite bizarre. Could he not supply even a bottle of wine or a couple of beers?

Unless he's totally broke. Which he can't be if he buys takeaways all the time. So he must just be absurdly lazy and incapable.

OP has ended the relationship. There's nothing normal at all about living like that. Absolutely no food in the house at all. Nada. When a child lives there. It's neglect.

Please tell us you’ve already dumped him. The whole scenario is outrageous. Inviting you for dinner and not having any 🚩 One lonely pizza in fridge allegedly belonging to daughter 🚩🚩Ordering take out that you then pay for 🚩🚩🚩 No coffee in the house when he knows that’s what you drink 🚩🚩🚩🚩 No breakfast!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Are you sure he lives there? Of course he is not looking after his daughter properly 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 What are you doing? Dump him, he is useless.

This ! 😂

That poor girl. Both parents sound incapable of providing for her. I’m pretty surprised you ended up staying over after all that 😬

i'm so glad you put this, the only thing that struck me from you post was the child. Theres evidence of neglect here and at the very least someone needs to be made aware of it so that they can get the support they need. He obviously took offence to you asking as he's aware its an issue.

Urgh the obviously bad parenting would be it for me, definitely, but even if he didn’t have a child I think a grown arse adult who regularly eats crisps for breakfast would give me the major ick!

Both of them? You do know the 12 year old isnt the OPs kid right?
OP was asked round for dinner after being at work all day and he said he would cook but your suggestion is that they both go out and do a grocery shop. Bet you think she should pay for it too. Shes been at work all day and travelled to see him to discover he had LIED to her and you think she should go back out and traipse round a supermarket because this lazy bastard has lied to her. Raise your bar FFS!

Good answer.

I have gritted my teeth through this part as I often eat crisps for breakfast, of sorts.

I don't really 'do' breakfast and I don't like any traditional breakfast foods. I tend to grab a bag of crisps mid-morning after the gym and then make brunch/lunch shortly following (usually a salad of some sort). Healthier crisps (snack a jacks, squares etc) and I eat very healthily otherwise. I most definitely would not inflict this on a child however, and my house is full of food. I could quite easily make dinner for an unexpected guest 99% of the time and I certainly wouldn't invite someone over offering to cook dinner and then not have anything in to feed them with. That would give me the ick.

First thing. I rarely have food in as I decide what I'm having on the day
Secondly. Yoh declined a takeaway as it's unhealthy but we're happy with a pizza ? Just get a healthier take away !

I rarely eat breakfast and if going out for the day would have got something en route or when we arrived.

Perhaps his daughter eats breakfast at breakfast club ?.

Missing your point entirely, how on earth is supermarket pizza any healthier than 😱TAKEAWAY?!😱

That was my question too - at least the takeaway would taste good, unlike the crappy pizza 😆

I really hate to say this, but only two guys with no food in their places were blowing most of their money elsewhere. One was a problem gambler £41k in debt, other abused any substances he could lay his hands on. One was a friend's shag buddy and other was my insane mother's codependent for awhile.
Luckily in no casees was any kids involved.
By BF's ex from 11 years back is a nice enough girl. Her and her brother had to raise themselves due to drunk and bipolar mother. The lived on toast and Dairylea. She practically wept when she saw my BFs full cupboards, freezer and fridge. He also cooked her a steak with trimmings - it was first steak she had ever had in her life!
Both her and her bro loved his fried egg sandwiches and bung-it-in stir-frys.
I really wonder do people not understand to feed kids properly these days?

I did have issues with my strange christan foster parents odd way of feeding us, but food was always there, as was tea, coffee and soft drink mixers etc. My last foster family were afro-Caribbean with food everywhere and four fruit bowls. This guy's is at least very weird.

A thin, normal supermarket pizza, provided it isn't overloaded with cheese and peppeaami and other fatty meat products etc is FAR healthier than many takeaways. It's essentially bread, cheese and tomato sauce (again assuming the other toppings are healthy).

Half of that, maybe 500 calories and a bit of fat?

Curry with all the trimmings can easily exceed 1000 calories and all the ghee etc. Fish and chips or anything fried, same. And pizza ingredients are pretty basic, unlike a takeaway where you've no idea what's in it. As a fellow healthy eater I would much rather a supermarket pizza if I had to, not that I'd favour either. And I would certainly not favour either when someone had invited me over for dinner at their house, promising to cook! Especially given OP has reportedly provided this man with all meals at her own place beforehand!

It isn’t, it’s just a lot, lot cheaper!

I didnt eat breakfast didnt want it and was no point forcing me, i wouldnt have eaten it. We were left money to go to the shop for dinner on the weekend. My dad obviously worked full time, he had 2 children to look after. He left before we went to school and was home around 6. My gran picked us up from school so fed us, also not my paternal grandparents, they disowned us but thats another story. We had everything we needed. My dad needed support and im not sure what the issue is with that, theres plenty of women who have/need the support of their family.

Well i wont comment further on your specific situation but to go back to the topic of OPs guy I highly doubt that's the case or he would have simply said eg. “kids go to breakfast club and eat at their grans every night as I work late so I don’t have much in”

And whether he or his child eats breakfast or not the fact is - he had a guest coming around. She didn’t just rock up to his house. He invited OP round.

Note that he didn’t say his kid didn’t eat breakfast either, he was at a loss for words by the sounds of it and then finally said she just eats crisps.

He was happy enough to eat dinners and breakfasts at her house. Of course none of us know the ins and outs, that’s the way MN works. But based on what we’ve heard yes I think OP was right to call the school.

I have a lot of teacher friends and there are an increasing amount of kids complaining about not having eaten properly that day when they get to school and they’re starving. As they’ve either just had crisps or chocolate or nothing at all.

Ditch him

No fresh fruit vegetables healthy snacks ?
crisps for breakfast - sounds like she is not taken care off very well at all - some one who does not cook and lives on takeaways ?

a big no from me

Run. He's a man-child.