To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

The whole thing sounds rank to be honest. A grown man who can't take care of himself let alone his daughter is a massive turn off, and then for him to get annoyed at YOU for pointing this out?!
Glad you binned him, what a loser.

I like to feel cared for by the person I'm seeing, well married now but historically I always did, tbh im sure you do to, pretty crap not to get something in when inviting over etc,
and as for his daughter, sounds ridiculous and totally irresponsible 😔 I wouldn’t go back or date again 💛

Sounds like he lives as a student just buying food from takeaways when he gets hungry. Never changed even now he’s a dad. Maybe that’s why he’s not married but has a child, his ex got fed up with him. Anyway it’s a safeguarding issue as his daughter will grow up obese but undernourished thinking it’s normal to have a fast food high fat diet, not having the skills to boil an egg. Bet he can’t even boil an egg I bet you!

Did he reply?

He sounds like the sort of bloke who expects “the woman” to take care of boring shit like shopping, meal planning and cooking

he also sounds tight and mean with money

he had better be seriously amazing in bed or else why even stay over 😅

You did the right thing I would have asked him as well. Maybe this will make him realise he needs to step up. That poor girl. I'm sure you only get a day to eat Asdas pizzas as well.

There's literally no excuse for him not to have food in. Especially as he can afford takeaways so it's not a money thing.

They are usually tight with that as well

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

100%

And then I'd dump him

Thank you for emailing the school ... hopefully they can also alert social services if the daughter confirms that there is rarely food in the house. Poor girl.

He sounds really irresponsible which is a red flag. I would’ve asked the same question even if I felt a bit nosey & I think maybe she was worried about her pizza as she knew he wouldn’t buy anything else. This is how students live, not grown men with a child. At the least there should be a box of cereal for breakfast,

Bet forty years from now he will be expecting his daughter to care for him in his old age

Dont see him again. He sounds like a loser

You should seriously consider NOT dating this guy, if he can't take care of feeding his kid how will he take care of you? I mean his daughter is so defensive over a pizza and you have to wonder why. Just tell him straight, he is not looking after his daughter, there should be food in the house all the time, basics like, bread, butter, milk, fruit, cereal and tea/coffee. There should never be a time where there is literally nothing. A child should not be eating crisps for breakfast unless she is in a rush or really fancies crisps, it should not be the only thing available.

Shes ended it

Dump him,he sounds horrific, who on earth has no food in the house especially if someone is coming to stay! No suprise the daughter is fat.
Especially if youre health conscious (nothing wrong in that) he'll just grate on you.
Hope you didn't shag the fat lard arse!, the whole situation would be a complete turn off

I suspect the pizza was his to eat once you were asleep.

Gosh that does sound really concerning. Good thing you spoke to the school. Awful that there was no food in but his DD’s earmarked pizza. And that they would have crisps for breakfast!

The only thing I thought you were a bit U was to keep pressing to have the pizza once he’d said it was his DD’s. But I think I would just have left by that point!

Definitely wouldn’t have stayed for a shag or to go on the trip.

And yes he was dishonest to say he’d cook and then on the day suggest a takeaway you’d have to pay half for. He’d be setting a standard that his turn to cook means takeaway (whether you paid half or not) and that’s not a good start to a relationship.

That's wierd. Why not have anything in the cupboards at all? Is it a money thing or a disorganised kind of thing? Either way, I don't think it's normal or healthy.

He sounds very immature - living like a let-loose teenager living on takeaway/ready meals. Let alone the question of his daughter's diet. I wouldn't waste anymore time on this idiot.

You are entitled to your judgy opinion. If anything you have to be more organised when you are buying food day to day.

I didn’t know what I wanted to eat from one day to the next. It’s not difficult to understand.

Wrong thread

Personally I wouldn't bother with the last question but would be straight on the phone to the children's department of the local Social Services! 😮
I was furious just reading about the situation and don't know how you managed to keep your cool or stop your mouth from asking even more pertinent questions regarding his overall 'care' of his daughter?! 🙄😡