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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say my dogs were always part of the package deal of dating me?

1000 replies

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:14

I've had my dogs for around 6/7 years. I got them with a previous partner. When that relationship failed, I took on both. They are large breed dogs, and as puppies were a lot of work, but they spend most of their time asleep these days. When dating, it became clear that many men had an issue with the dogs, both from a "you care about something other than me" perspective and a "this is an unwelcome psychological connection with your past relationship" perspective. I was disturbed by how many men expected me to just throw them out.

I'm in a new relationship of nearly two years and it's been going very well. He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure. I've done everything I can: I pay for all food, vet visits, insurance and kennels. They have a large dog-gated area in the house so they don't come into our lounge or bedroom. I do most of the walks, all feeding and all toilet breaks. I work from home so I keep them active in the day. We pay for a weekly cleaner. I pay for expensive regular shaves and baths. I have a dog sitter on standby.

The latest thing is that we're planning to try for a baby and he's become obsessed with rehoming the dogs in case we can't cope with a newborn and dogs. He wants to rehome them now even though I'm not even pregnant. In any case, I have no intention of rehoming them. It seems like we're at a stalemate and I'm exhausted by it.

AIBU to say I love my pets, I'm responsible for them and he knew when we met that I would never get rid of them? I'm especially not going to entertain this conversation when it's entirely theoretical. We don't know if we can have kids and we don't know what the dynamic will be if we do. I feel it's just because he doesn't like dogs, which he says is unfair and untrue. I think it is true.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2026 09:57

He’s wrong and unreasonable. He chose to date a dog owner, he chose to move in with a dog owner and two dogs. Changing the deal now isn’t okay.

What are you going to do if he won’t ttc without rehoming them? Will you break up with him?

ShillyShallySally · 31/05/2026 09:57

IMakeCrapCakes · 31/05/2026 09:56

Hell would freeze over before I got rid of my dog for a man (or anyone)!

Don't have a baby with a man who moves in and tries to control you OP. He is not a good decent partner. Dogs or no dogs.

Also he doesn't understand responsibility and commitment and does not respect you. Huge red flag, again, dog or no dog.

Well ok but the reality of that is that OP might then not have a baby at all. With anyone.

That’s a hell of a sacrifice. It’s not that simple.

Megifer · 31/05/2026 09:57

Ricequark · 31/05/2026 09:16

How many dogs we talking here?

And what breeds?

From the op - "I took on both. They are large breed dogs"

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:57

IslandsAround · 31/05/2026 09:53

If someone said you have a choice:

You are childless but get two to six extra years with your dogs.
You have children but lose two to sex years with your dogs.

Your choice has consequences. Lifelong consequences.

Or we do both and at least give it a try?

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 31/05/2026 09:57

Anyone who acted this way with me and my dogs would be shown the door PDQ. Surely he knows how much it would hurt you to rehome your dogs yet he still thinks that's okay.
I would be rehoming him.
No way I'd have kids with him.

RumPidgeon · 31/05/2026 09:58

Those dogs are older now and won’t easily be rejoined - especially not together. I’d rather leave the partner than my pets.

I‘m quite concerned you’re trying for a baby when you’re not married - you have absolutely zero financial protection. Is it your house or his house? Having a baby would make you vulnerable financially - what happens if you can’t pay for the dogs? Will be have them rehomed or pts?

SunnyRedSnail · 31/05/2026 09:58

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:34

Normally I'd agree, but I'm at the age where we don't have time to wait.

So it looks like you're going to have to choose between a baby with this man or the dogs...

Hellohelga · 31/05/2026 09:58

It’s not going to work so don’t have a baby with this man. You love your dogs dearly. Your DP doesn’t. He thought he was ok with it but it turns out he’s not. There are so many men that adore dogs. Find one of them.

coolastheproverbialcucumber · 31/05/2026 09:59

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:28

We've both been married previously and aren't 100% on doing it again.

A baby is permanent, even if a marriage isn’t.

Happyjoe · 31/05/2026 09:59

I could never get rid of my pets and he really is worrying to pressure you so much. If he truly loves you, he'd just smile and say you and your dogs eh and accept them. To keep them in cages elsewhere in the house is pretty naff and unkind by the way, they are pack animals, they love company and they should be part of the family, esp as this is what they've been used to.

There is no reason you cannot have dogs with a baby if use common sense, nothing you say about the dogs being aggressive. But I'd think long and hard before having a baby with this man, he's controlling and putting pressure on you over something you care deeply for and love, he showing you no respect at all.

Surely a baby comes later down the relationship, why the rush? You've been together coming up 2 years. Have fun first.

Megifer · 31/05/2026 09:59

Op this man is giving you big red warning signs with multiple little red flags flying off them. Take notice of them. This isnt about the dogs.

RumPidgeon · 31/05/2026 10:00

It takes 28 days to obtain a marriage licence - it’s just a piece of paper (but an important one). You can then have the party with close friends in the summer. You are vulnerable if you get pregnant before sorting this out.

happenedtoBeAparrot · 31/05/2026 10:00

My DH had to rehome all his pets when we moved in together. We had been together for 3 years and I tried my best to get used to them in that time but I couldn’t even stay at his he always had to stay at mine. He had 2 dogs, a cat, 2 rats and some lizardy things I don’t remember what type. It was a hard compromise for him but in the end pets don’t live as long as people and human relationships sometimes have to come first of one person has an issue with something. Every other part of our relationship was perfect he was sad for a while but there was no alternative I did say to him I understood if he needed to end things but he said he wouldn’t pick animals over his child (I had got pregnant and it was unplanned)

Sequins23 · 31/05/2026 10:01

The only thing unreasonable is his attitude. Absolutely fine if he doesn’t want dogs, but unfortunately you guys aren’t compatible and probably shouldn’t be together. I think hes jealous, and changing the parameters of the relationship and to be honest, you should rehome him instead!!
how lucky we are to have dogs!

PinkyFlamingo · 31/05/2026 10:01

You've said the dogs aren't going anywhere and he's not listening. This will not be "sorted" so I have no idea why you are putting up with this. I'm not even a dog fan but even I can see you don't just give animals away because a new man is demanding it! I'm guessing it's him that says they aren't allowed in your lounge to.

Happyjoe · 31/05/2026 10:01

happenedtoBeAparrot · 31/05/2026 10:00

My DH had to rehome all his pets when we moved in together. We had been together for 3 years and I tried my best to get used to them in that time but I couldn’t even stay at his he always had to stay at mine. He had 2 dogs, a cat, 2 rats and some lizardy things I don’t remember what type. It was a hard compromise for him but in the end pets don’t live as long as people and human relationships sometimes have to come first of one person has an issue with something. Every other part of our relationship was perfect he was sad for a while but there was no alternative I did say to him I understood if he needed to end things but he said he wouldn’t pick animals over his child (I had got pregnant and it was unplanned)

Throwaway culture.

Anonymouseposter · 31/05/2026 10:01

I would just tell him that you said from the outset that under no circumstances would you rehome the dogs and that’s still the case. If that’s a deal breaker for him then so be it. He isn’t considering your feelings at all and he’s clearly not an animal lover.

noctilucentcloud · 31/05/2026 10:01

He's not being fair. He knew you had the dogs and that you weren't going to rehome them, he made a choice to be continue the relationship. But he's been badgering you since he moved in to rehome them and has ramped that up more now. You sound like you've made lots of compromises eg keeping them out of the lounge and bedroom, and not expecting him to contribute at all with either time or money to their upkeep. Him keeping going on about rehoming them and not accepting no would really anger me.

Pearlstillsinging · 31/05/2026 10:02

I'd get rid of the BF.

Conchiglie · 31/05/2026 10:02

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:57

Or we do both and at least give it a try?

But you say in your OP that you have no intention of rehoming them. So it wouldn't really be "giving it a try" would it?

TheHateUGive · 31/05/2026 10:02

Have your dogs had a lot of contact with children?

How do you think they will cope with your attention being so split?

The reality is that not all dogs do cope well with a baby in the house. Have you considered that seriously?

SpaceRaccoon · 31/05/2026 10:03

I don't understand why you'd let the relationship get to the point of talking about conceiving, with a man that's already clearly got you harrassed half to death about your dogs.
(Also for the love of god, when you do find a suitable candidate, get married first then get pregnant).

Anarchy99 · 31/05/2026 10:03

Get rid of hIm. I wouldn’t trust someone with that attitude around the dogs.

I know someone who keeps exotic lizards, spiders etc (all legit; she is trained in their care etc). Her husband is actually scared of some of them but he has moved heaven and earth to help her have the right set up (which is expensive on an ongoing basis) because he’s a good man.

Another couple I know, the husband wasn’t a cat person but the wife was and before they were even married he bought her a pedigree kitten of the breed she had always wanted.

Throw this arsehole back!

TragicMuse · 31/05/2026 10:03

I wonder if there are other tiny, almost inconsequential, things he’s tried to get you to change before now.

The smallest things that you know he doesn’t like so you don’t do them anymore…

Is there anything like that OP?

Sunnydaysarehereagain2026 · 31/05/2026 10:05

Your relationship isn't at all solid when he clearly resents the things most important to you.

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