AIBU to say my dogs were always part of the package deal of dating me?

[Forest28]

I've had my dogs for around 6/7 years. I got them with a previous partner. When that relationship failed, I took on both. They are large breed dogs, and as puppies were a lot of work, but they spend most of their time asleep these days. When dating, it became clear that many men had an issue with the dogs, both from a "you care about something other than me" perspective and a "this is an unwelcome psychological connection with your past relationship" perspective. I was disturbed by how many men expected me to just throw them out.

I'm in a new relationship of nearly two years and it's been going very well. He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure. I've done everything I can: I pay for all food, vet visits, insurance and kennels. They have a large dog-gated area in the house so they don't come into our lounge or bedroom. I do most of the walks, all feeding and all toilet breaks. I work from home so I keep them active in the day. We pay for a weekly cleaner. I pay for expensive regular shaves and baths. I have a dog sitter on standby.

The latest thing is that we're planning to try for a baby and he's become obsessed with rehoming the dogs in case we can't cope with a newborn and dogs. He wants to rehome them now even though I'm not even pregnant. In any case, I have no intention of rehoming them. It seems like we're at a stalemate and I'm exhausted by it.

AIBU to say I love my pets, I'm responsible for them and he knew when we met that I would never get rid of them? I'm especially not going to entertain this conversation when it's entirely theoretical. We don't know if we can have kids and we don't know what the dynamic will be if we do. I feel it's just because he doesn't like dogs, which he says is unfair and untrue. I think it is true.

In that case, finish with him today. Get on a dating site, profile pic of a happy you with your two gorgeous dogs. You'll find the right man.

What you don't like is irrelevant here. @Forest28 love me love my dog. If you did remove the dogs that would only be the first thing you would be asked to give up. Ditch him - if he can't show warmth here, he won't going forwards. Thank goodness you're not a flaky dog owner. I've seen plenty who have dogs and rehome them because they are lazy bastards. The owners, not the dogs.

Think about it op. He accepted it at first. He knew your stance on the dogs.

Then as soon as you move in together he starts grinding you down.

This really isnt a good man. Hes manipulative and manipulative men dont change, they just move on to the next aspect they want to control and "put their foot down" on.

If you did rehome the dogs, it will be something else.

He wouldnt be a good dad.

You are describing a situation where the woman did not maintain her financial independence. I was clear the woman should maintain her financial independence.

What I see on here, and more importantly in real life as I am of an age where I have we seen many divorces, is women who think marriage protected them only to find out it does not. Men who hide assets so they never get factored into divorce, men whose assets ( unbeknown to wife) were in his families name leaving the wife with no claim ( and in one case, this was what she was relying on for her pension) men who transfer their companies to their new girlfriend’s name or someone else, men who quit their jobs until the divorce is over, men who transfer large chunks of income to pensions to reduce maintenance, men who go for 50/50 custody to avoid maintenance even though their job means they can’t have their kids 50/50 so his family end up looking after the kids. The wheezes are endless. I know a woman who left the marriage with literally nothing. In many RL cases I know of, the house was the only asset to be split and you’d get that without being married if it was in both names. The only difference being married made was the solicitors fees. And with fewer people buying or buying later so there is less equity in the house, even that asset will benefit fewer.

Maintainjng financial independence is always the surest way to secure your financial future.

But that’s not really the point of the thread so I’ll leave this now.

How exactly do they sound awful?

It would be him ending it though wouldn't it? You are more than happy to have him and the dogs, it's him who isn't happy about it.
If he leaves you over a couple of dogs, dogs you've explained you love then he's not the man for you.

He doesn't sound like he has a very caring personality to be a parent if this is his attitude to the dogs. He has already made you shut the dogs away. Dogs like being part of the family and snuggle up on the sofa. Yours aren't even allowed in the lounge because of him. The dogs would be more likely resentful if a baby came along if all attention went on the baby and they are always shut away rather than gently introduced like a normal family.

Very true.

Sadly.

Absolutely not. Dogs become your family members. I wouldn’t have dated anyone who didn’t like dogs. I had a dog from a previous relationship and my current partner completely fell in love with her after he’d been around her a couple of months and was heartbroken when she died. It would have been a massive turn off for me if he hadn’t.

They exist. Never trusted somebody who doesn't like dogs, never will.

Yes, this

Love me love my dogs.
My dh did.

Two big dogs when we met, one was about 35kg, married had a baby then got approved to adopt - only one big dog by then.

get rid of boyfriend he doesn't love them / accept them totally.

I agree with this. He isn’t the only man on the planet, there’s billions of them.

100% this.
I've had some of my horses longer than I've been with my DH - I'd get rid of him if I had to choose 😂

Edited - misread,sorry didnt have my glasses on 😂

But isn't that my point? They are incompatible she wants to live with dogs and he doesn't

No dog is more important than children but he knew they came with you. This has arisen since he moved in and he has thought this all along.

You are doing all the work yet he gets to tell you what to do with the pets he knows you love. I feel he is not a kind, considerate man. This could arise again when you have children.

You have had good responses so please do consider them. I do think you already know the painful truth.

Also this. What is next? The baby disturbs him in some way so it goes in the attic?

You got the dogs when u didnt have kids and knew you wanted kids in the future, but still got 2 big dogs. You then split and have since chosen men unwisely who hate dogs.

This guy said at beginning he accepts the dogs are part of the package of being with u, but down the line he’s gone back on that. Can’t believe the people on here just say rehome, these dogs are your family- that was the statement when you took them when your old relationship broke up.

so now you are at a stage when you do want kids n time is pressing. Personally the guy sounds awful and I’d get rid and find someone who appreciates your lifestyle choices and doesn’t try and pressure you into making decisions u don’t want to do

You should not be entertaining TTC with him.

Only you can make that decision but it's not as solid as you think I don't think.

Love me, love my dogs. Not negotiable .

And the next thing will be that when a baby is there he’ll do nothing for them either. Or do it occasionally as a favour to you and then moan afterwards. His attitude to not being first in your life is very obvious. It’s dogs now, but it will be a baby too.

I think that being a turn off a good point and secondary to him being controlling. How many women say they love Tom Hardy and Ricky Gervais' love of dogs. The wonderful late Paul O'Grady too.

Nowhere has she said that she cordoned off the lounge and bedroom at his request or say so. She may have done so because she felt she needed to do so.