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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say my dogs were always part of the package deal of dating me?

1000 replies

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:14

I've had my dogs for around 6/7 years. I got them with a previous partner. When that relationship failed, I took on both. They are large breed dogs, and as puppies were a lot of work, but they spend most of their time asleep these days. When dating, it became clear that many men had an issue with the dogs, both from a "you care about something other than me" perspective and a "this is an unwelcome psychological connection with your past relationship" perspective. I was disturbed by how many men expected me to just throw them out.

I'm in a new relationship of nearly two years and it's been going very well. He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure. I've done everything I can: I pay for all food, vet visits, insurance and kennels. They have a large dog-gated area in the house so they don't come into our lounge or bedroom. I do most of the walks, all feeding and all toilet breaks. I work from home so I keep them active in the day. We pay for a weekly cleaner. I pay for expensive regular shaves and baths. I have a dog sitter on standby.

The latest thing is that we're planning to try for a baby and he's become obsessed with rehoming the dogs in case we can't cope with a newborn and dogs. He wants to rehome them now even though I'm not even pregnant. In any case, I have no intention of rehoming them. It seems like we're at a stalemate and I'm exhausted by it.

AIBU to say I love my pets, I'm responsible for them and he knew when we met that I would never get rid of them? I'm especially not going to entertain this conversation when it's entirely theoretical. We don't know if we can have kids and we don't know what the dynamic will be if we do. I feel it's just because he doesn't like dogs, which he says is unfair and untrue. I think it is true.

OP posts:
FriendlyMedusa · 01/06/2026 01:31

I feel so sad for you OP, you deserve better than this.

A man who doesn't at least try to love your pets the way you love them probably wouldn't be a good husband or father.

When I met my husband he knew my cat was part of the package and did his best to win her over even even though she was famously crotchety and hated 95% of people. Her last months would have been 10x more painful without a supportive partner who loved on her every day and gave her nothing but the best. You deserve someone who will treat your furbabies (and human babies!) that way.

bozzabollix · 01/06/2026 02:51

I’ve had two children with two large dogs, the kids and the dogs have adored each other, it’s been amazing for them. We’ve managed just fine.

I can honestly say that if my husband didn’t like dogs we could not have had a relationship. Thankfully he loves them as much as I do.

The fact he’d let two loving pets be rehomed, breaking your heart means he’s not a pleasant person, he’s a cold fish. Do you really want to have children with that?

Id rather go to the sperm bank tbh.

Mightymighty · 01/06/2026 04:17

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 18:40

That story breaks my heart. My two are so attached to me and bonded together. It just isn't an option to rehome them. I've struggled through years of trying to take care of them following a divorce. Sometimes it was they eat or I do. I'm not about to throw them away for a new man now that I'm finally in a better place.

I would immediately lose respect for any man who thought it was okay.

Mightymighty · 01/06/2026 04:28

OneNewEagle · 31/05/2026 21:46

My pets are my family. Anyone commenting on them negatively or worse needs to be rehomed not my pets.

Absolutely right. They won’t be re-homed because they have a PERMANENT home with me.

ThatBlackCat · 01/06/2026 05:16

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:28

We've both been married previously and aren't 100% on doing it again.

Then don't have a baby then! It's not fair to have one if you won't give them the legal protections of marriage.

Definitely don't have a baby with this scumbag, he is NOT the one for you. He is determined to remove those dogs, and I worry the extent he will go to, to get rid of them. I'd move out asap if I were you to protect those dogs. Because he will...not....stop until he has got rid of them, and surely you know this. He lured you under false pretences, and now he is wanting to trap you with a baby, and he will use that to get rid of the dogs.

LEAVE NOW!

ThatBlackCat · 01/06/2026 05:19

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:34

Normally I'd agree, but I'm at the age where we don't have time to wait.

You don't need to have a child with the first pos you find. Find a decent man to have a child with. This man is garbage. You do not want to be tied to him for 18 years. It's your worst nightmare. Find another man. Maybe join a dog club? You may meet a single man there? Just a thought. Or, you can go it alone.

Have you also considered that you may not even be able to conceive? So you may have him get rid of your dogs and have nothing at all to show for it, and you will only end up hating and resenting him.

Always, always choose the dogs over him. Throw him to the gutter.

ThatBlackCat · 01/06/2026 05:25

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:08

It was at his request that they don't come into any rooms that he's in. He has five available rooms where he doesn't have to see them at all. Apparently it's still not enough.

It was at his request that they don't come into any rooms that he's in.

Christ! He really, really HATES them, doesn't he? The more you say about this 'specimen' of a man, the worse he sounds. What are you even doing with him? If a man really could not stand even being in the same room as my pet? He'd be gone.

missspent · 01/06/2026 05:28

Fuck no. Dogs were there first. Can you imagine a life with no dogs ever? He’s already got you restricting where they can go in the house. I agree with PPs, it’s him that needs re homing

ThatBlackCat · 01/06/2026 05:31

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 17:11

We always had this timeline in mind. It only became something connected to the dogs after I had relocated. Maybe he didn't truly understand dogs until he lived with them, but he spent weeks staying at my house. I just feel he probably always planned to exit them somehow.

I just feel he probably always planned to exit them somehow.

That he most definitely did. Be very careful. I'm not fearmongering but you really don't know what he is capable of. A man who can't even stand having a pet in the same room as him! is cold as ice and there is something very disturbing about him. That raises more red flags than a Communist Party convention.

ThatBlackCat · 01/06/2026 05:33

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 17:17

It's not that easy though. I spent two years online dating and many guys felt the same about my dogs. Apparently it's a red flag that I kept them from my marriage. It shows I haven't fully moved on. It's uncomfortable for men that I'm a feminine woman who has two dogs because apparently that's weird. I really did try. Funnily enough all the women in my life love them, but the guys I date don't. I never had a guy agree to go on a dog walk with me ever. They would just sit on my sofa. I wish I had options.

You need to try dog clubs. That is what you should have tried, and find a single man through there.

ThatBlackCat · 01/06/2026 05:36

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 17:35

Because he's worried that it will be too much work when the baby arrives and he also thinks I will stop loving them as soon as a child is around, so it's better for everyone to remove them.

he also thinks I will stop loving them as soon as a child is around

Jesus christ.... he really is sociopathic! No, he knows you won't ever stop loving them! He WANTS you to stop loving them, that's why he is planting the idea in your head. Can't you see what he is doing? The more you post about him the more if I were you my fanny would dry up drier than the Sahara Desert, and tighter than a banker's fist! Any love I had for him would turn to hate! How you don't detest him already, I don't understand.

Empress13 · 01/06/2026 05:43

You can tell a lot about a person as to how they are with animals IMO not to mention he has zero respect for your opinions. I’d ditch him

Ricequark · 01/06/2026 05:58

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 19:14

It was a week after we moved in together than he said the dogs will need to go.

One week after you moved in he made his opinion clear. I’m sure by that time you still were surrounded by boxes. However you stayed. With your dogs. And for the last however many months you have both been trying to convince the other.

And no progress. So if your bio clock is screaming at you…. You need to move out OP and return back to where your friends and family are! Did you also change jobs @Forest28 ?

Ricequark · 01/06/2026 06:00

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 22:25

I don't think he was okay with the dogs from the start. He said recently when he first saw a picture of them he was thinking oh no, but he didn't want to say anything. That said, he also stuck around for all this time.

But can you not see… you have also stuck around ever since one week of moving in together, with a man who has been explicit about the dogs. But you have stuck around hoping to change his mind.

So basically the pair of you are trying to change the other person but it’s not going to happen.

Terrribletwos · 01/06/2026 06:10

Anarchy99 · 31/05/2026 10:26

Cleaner than the average toddler 🤷‍♀️

Most parents wipe their toddler's arses and keep them clean though, and in some sort of underwear. Do pet owners wipe their pets arses?

Slipknot8 · 01/06/2026 06:15

Please don't abandon your sweet dogs, who have done nothing wrong. The man isn't worth keeping - frankly, he sounds like a real piece of shit and if his current little campaign doesn't work I wouldn't be surprised if his next move isn't to deliberately try to hurt the dogs, "accidentally" leaving the gate open, etc, etc or lying about them biting. He sounds vile.

moose62 · 01/06/2026 06:22

He obviously lied to you from the start and thought that once you moved into shared accommodation he could make you get rid of the dogs. That is unacceptable and bully behaviour. If he didn't accept your feelings for the dogs, he should not have got involved with you.
When I met my now DH, I had a large dog. It was obvious that the dog was a non negotiable part of my life. For 2 years he ignored my dog, was not unkind to him but just didn't get involved nor ask me to rehome him.
We moved in together and had a child. Gradually the thaw set in and although he never loved the dog as much as I did, he accepted him as an integral part of the family.
I could not have a relationship with someone that wants you to ditch your responsibility. He knew the dogs were a permanent fixture when he met you....he obviously thought he could bully you. This man is not worth it.

BiteSizedLife · 01/06/2026 06:27

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 12:10

The last time I thought we'd reached an agreement that we would make it work, but then he's back on it again.

Quite literally on my personal list (in no particular oder) of things a man should be is #35 :

"A dog person and loving of [my dog name]"

I would never get into a relationship with someone who does not like dogs or who only tolerates them. Having a dog is a whole lifestyle that one must be 100% on board with and actively love said lifestyle.

Nos4r2 · 01/06/2026 06:28

What if you re-home the dogs and then he decides he dosnt want to stay and have a baby. No I would sooner re-home him than my dogs. He knew the score and is showing his true colours. Get rid and dont look back. Nasty piece of work that he is.

CoffeeTeaa · 01/06/2026 06:28

Forest28 · 31/05/2026 09:23

I have two. They are mixed breed, but those breeds are common family pets and not dangerous dogs.

Edited

What are the breeds? Certain breeds are more likely to kill or seriously injure people than others. I wouldn’t want certain breeds near my toddler even if the dog’s owner was present.

Neveragainplease · 01/06/2026 06:48

No to a baby with this controlling man love you, love your dog. I'd be worried that he would somehow try and get rid of them anyway
So re-home himy daughter had 3 (small) dogs when she had her baby. Obviously they have to keep a close eye on the dogs, round the baby, and vice versa, , but they are fine with him

PriscillaQueenoftheKitchen · 01/06/2026 06:59

You're with someone who doesn't like dogs. That is the bottom line.
Personally I'd choose the dogs over him.

Mix56 · 01/06/2026 07:01

Do these cross breeds include, Bulldog/, Pit bull/Cane Corso though? Maybe thats the real issue?

ThatBlackCat · 01/06/2026 07:04

Mix56 · 01/06/2026 07:01

Do these cross breeds include, Bulldog/, Pit bull/Cane Corso though? Maybe thats the real issue?

She's already answered that question. They're 'outing' so she won't reveal, just they're large dogs but docile.

Floralibra · 01/06/2026 07:05

If he truly loved you OP he wouldn’t be asking this if you. Don’t have a baby with this man, hes showing his true character already x

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