AIBU to say my dogs were always part of the package deal of dating me?

[Forest28]

I've had my dogs for around 6/7 years. I got them with a previous partner. When that relationship failed, I took on both. They are large breed dogs, and as puppies were a lot of work, but they spend most of their time asleep these days. When dating, it became clear that many men had an issue with the dogs, both from a "you care about something other than me" perspective and a "this is an unwelcome psychological connection with your past relationship" perspective. I was disturbed by how many men expected me to just throw them out.

I'm in a new relationship of nearly two years and it's been going very well. He seemed to accept the dogs, but as soon as we moved in together, he started with the rehome the dogs pressure. I've done everything I can: I pay for all food, vet visits, insurance and kennels. They have a large dog-gated area in the house so they don't come into our lounge or bedroom. I do most of the walks, all feeding and all toilet breaks. I work from home so I keep them active in the day. We pay for a weekly cleaner. I pay for expensive regular shaves and baths. I have a dog sitter on standby.

The latest thing is that we're planning to try for a baby and he's become obsessed with rehoming the dogs in case we can't cope with a newborn and dogs. He wants to rehome them now even though I'm not even pregnant. In any case, I have no intention of rehoming them. It seems like we're at a stalemate and I'm exhausted by it.

AIBU to say I love my pets, I'm responsible for them and he knew when we met that I would never get rid of them? I'm especially not going to entertain this conversation when it's entirely theoretical. We don't know if we can have kids and we don't know what the dynamic will be if we do. I feel it's just because he doesn't like dogs, which he says is unfair and untrue. I think it is true.

Well as a woman with 3 giants I best pray I don’t get divorced then.

OP get rid!

But it’s not relevant as the PP said. The only people getting hung up on this are the ones who are convinced they will attack the non existent baby.

The OP clearly feels they pose no danger to her and presumably her partner wouldn’t be living there if he was actively scared

I agree they clearly are and that is why OP is being evasive and refusing to answer any questions about them. I’ve never heard of multiple men having issues with a couple of dogs. There is clearly a reason and OP is telling half a story and everyone is calling out the boyfriend as abusive but we clearly do not have all the details.

Everyone thinks their dogs pose no risk. All the owners whose dogs have mauled someone, even to death, still say there were no signs, I never thought there was a risk.

But this isn’t just about a maybe baby. The boyfriend has been unhappy about dogs from day one of living together, there is clearly a reason. Regardless, OP and boyfriend are clearly incompatible.

Depends on her financial situation. She may earn more than him, in which case why would she?

It is ludicrous that women still have to be financially supported by men and therefore often have to marry.

And the majority of dogs live and die without attacking anyone.

Given the amount of hate for dogs on here, it shouldn’t be difficult to think of many reasons he could come up with.

I think you need to end it, I’m sorry,what he is doing is terrible, he’s never wanted the dogs and he’s lied to you, he’s no empathy here, I’m afraid I’d end it and move out.

Yes

His reasons are completely irrelevant though - he is asking her to rehome them when they came first

She was asking about multiple men not liking the dogs

This.

Whatever she says will be used as a gotcha though. There’s always someone who knows someone who was mauled to death by x breed allegedly.

He has overstepped by pushing her to re-home. It doesn’t matter why.

So he was fine with her having dogs, likes dogs even. They move in together and within days he brings up rehoming them. WHY?? The why is importantly. I asked OP this directly and she blanked it. There is clearly an issue with the dogs. He may have felt it was ok until living with her and the dogs has changed his mind. He is allowed to change his mind without being he is a master manipulator and abuser. If the dogs come first so much and this is such an issue why has OP stuck around for two years.

So he was fine with her having dogs, likes dogs even. They move in together and within days he brings up rehoming them. WHY?? The why is importantly. I asked OP this directly and she blanked it. There is clearly an issue with the dogs. He may have felt it was ok until living with her and the dogs has changed his mind. He is allowed to change his mind without being he is a master manipulator and abuser. If the dogs come first so much and this is such an issue why has OP stuck around for two years.

I'm not sharing the particular cross breeds because they are unusual and would identify me, but think similar to a labrador or golden retriever. We're not talking dangerous dogs. One is placid and shy. One loves people and is friendly. I wouldn't say there's anything unusual about them other than their size. They have normal dog needs. No aggression. Toilet trained. They are just big.

I’m not talking about mauled to death for goodness sake. But my views on dating someone would be influenced by what digs they had, and how they behave

But if you didn’t like the dogs for whatever reason, presumably you wouldn’t move in and then push for them to be rehomed?

But how big? St Bernard? Great Dane? Bernese mountain? GSD?

Now I know what the phrase ‘dog with a bone’ (pun not intended) means.

Would you move in with someone who had dogs you hated just so you could pressure them into getting rid?

Those breeds certainly aren’t as big as it seemed you were making it sound. Pretty standard family dogs. Depending on what they’re crossed with of course.. there’s such an emphasis on how big they are I just can’t picture Labrador’s.

But what was his reasoning for first bringing up them being rehomed within days of moving in together? Something must have happened for this change to have occurred?

Those poor animals. Better off without the pair of you. Don't like something? Chuck it away eh

One is labrador size. It's hard to judge the big one. He's smaller than a great dane. He only weighs 25kg, but he's tall and lanky.

Exactly. It would be different if the OP was talking about adopting the dogs now. If he wasn’t prepared to live with them long term he shouldn’t have moved in with her.

My pets are my family. Anyone commenting on them negatively or worse needs to be rehomed not my pets.

Absolutely.

(But then I find nothing more endearing in a man than being an animal lover, esp of the kind that has conversations with them when he thinks nobody is listening 😬)