Seriously? I mean, seriously?

[SunshineOnIslington]

Help, I’m in hell. I’m in London to watch the Arsenal game later (have tickets to watch at a fan zone) and the parade tomorrow. Staying in a twin Travelodge room with no air con and which currently feels like the ninth circle of hell but even that cost £256 for two nights!

I’m here with a male friend who’s more like a brother, we’ve known each other forever. A few years ago he developed a secret cocaine habit and ended up spending the last three years in a psychiatric hospital. He’s out now and in supported accommodation but other than reminding him about his meds I thought he seemed ok and pretty self sufficient.

Well he’s pissed me off from the start. Telling a guy on the train how he does literally nothing for himself, nothing all day (not sure that’s a boast although since I worked 70 hours last week I’m pretty jealous tbh). Then showed me £7k of benefits he’s saved up!

He then drank far too much even though he’s not supposed to, wouldn’t come back to the hotel with me, and ended up eating a bucket of fried chicken in the early hours. I’ve tried to sleep given he snores like a walrus but given up, I’m getting up and out and he can do his own thing.

He was in the bathroom a lot last night, and I’ve come in to have a shower and THERE IS LITERAL SHIT ON THE WALL. I am disgusted and tbh I don’t think I can be friends with someone who behaves like this. However I need to get through the next 24 hours! Do I book a hotel of my own somewhere else? I really can’t afford to but I feel sick staying here! Most places are also fully booked around where we need to be…

Why should you book another room? Get him gone.
ETA after he cleans up his shit obviously

Ask him to leave - he’s absolutely disgusting
Those poor housekeepers having to clean that up
make him do it and then he can piss off

I’ve done because I was so ashamed of the housekeepers having to do it. I don’t want to wake him up as I will go absolutely nuclear on him. I’m going out to find a nice cafe, he’ll never make it to where we need to be later but right now I don’t care

Go home. I wouldn't stay in that situation if I had tickets to a date with Johnny Depp!!

Honestly it sounds as if he should still be in psychiatric care. He doesn’t sound at all well and shouldn’t have been put in a position which involved access to alcohol as he clearly has addiction issues. The whole thing sounds poorly thought through and predictable.

Its too late now but I would see if you can call a friend or family member of his and see if they can pick him up. Does he have a partner?

If you can afford it I would also book another room. Yes you shouldn’t have to be just to get away from him.

It sounds grim so sympathy but also fairly predictable that someone with psychiatric and addiction issues would struggle with this sort of situation and you should have known he was a liability.

To be fair last time I stayed in a Travelodge there was shit on the bathroom wall and it definitely wasn’t my travel companions, are you really sure that’s not a pre-existing feature of the room?

Well, he’s probably not going to leave when you ask but worth a try.

i would tell him you can’t deal with his behaviour and this will be the last time you see each other and then see what he does.

you won’t get another hotel unless you come right out of London so you will just have to do what you can to enjoy.

bad luck op

Get away from him without further delay. Stay away from him. Please.

He's got £7k. He can get his own room. How awful for you.

So wish I could be there for the parade. Enjoy the match.

Ditch your mate pronto.

Exactly!!!

He needs to spend £1800, so can pay for another room. You are only allowed £6k, or your benefits stop. If he is in supported living, he will be on means tested benefits, as well as PIP. My eldest runs supported living accommodations and there us still a level of self care/housekeeping that needs to be done. He's enjoyed pissing you off.

The issue isn’t the money it’s that he won’t get his own room.

Did you book and pay for the room on your credit card, or in your name? In which case I would tell him to leave. You are ultimately responsible for whatever damage or mess he causes and as unpredictable and off as he sounds, this could end up costing you a lot more than £256. If he booked it, I would leave. Sorry but he's a liability - the red flags were flying in full sight - cocaine habit being the biggest one. Not sure where you are from but as a London I can tell you that North London is not a place to be with an idiot who's acting like an idiot. Get yourself as far away from him as possible.

Where does it say he won't get his own room? I don't think OP has asked him to leave the room. But they should.

Grim 😡 I highly doubt there'll be another room available at this point but I would wake him and ask him to leave. If he refuses, I would leave. No way would I share a room with him, even if it means missing out on the fanzone and parade!

Ask him to leave, he’s got £7k so he can book another hotel.

everything said by @Thepeopleversuswork is correct

To emphasise he is still in supported accommodation. I don't think he was set up to cope with this trip.

I do think he's got the money to go into another hotel room, but it won't be nearby

Can you go home early? It won't be fun spending the evening with him.

Did he have to get permission to come out of the supportive accommodation by the way? I feel as if you've massively overestimated his ability to cope

Did he have other addiction problems or other problems generally before he went into the psychiatric hospital?

I'm a bit worried that you're stuck in a hotel room with someone who's likely to do something bad. Also worth remembering he may not have told you the truth about his situation.

I said she should ask. But you seriously think he’s going to say “yea alright then” and pop off to find another hotel on the busiest weekend of the year?

he’s not going anywhere. I know his type

You are not a support human for fragile men OP. I would bin this friend off. Give him the riot act. Asshole.

I agree with @Thepeopleversuswork — however, you’re not his support worker on a day that was supposed to be fun for you. See if you can get someone to pick him up and get him out of your hair, and enjoy the rest of your day. Alone.

He did have permission from his accommodation they agreed he would be ok as long as he took his meds. I work in mental health services too so thought he’d be ok. At the end of the day I can’t physically stop him drinking, physically make him take his meds, etc. he has absolutely no personal responsibility at all.

We’re over 200 miles from home (2.5 hours by train so nobody is going to pick him up. We’re meeting my mum tomorrow for the parade and no doubt she will be having stern words too.

hes in the hotel room and I’m currently soaking up the early atmosphere with a coffee. Sucks to be him. I’m just a bit disappointed he’s woken up as was half hoping he’d sleep all day like he does at home and I’d be alone

I’m surprised that no one with responsibility for his wellbeing at his accommodation stopped to consider that an afternoon drinking and watching football in a city a long way away was a red flag for an addict. It seems blindingly obvious to me that someone with a history of substance abuse shouldn’t plan an afternoon drinking. Its not your fault and not your responsibility but it was pretty predictable that this was going to happen.

Anyway it is what it is and you need to just get through the next 24 hours. If you can’t get another room I would just stay out of his way but don’t feel obliged to be his carer and organise his weekend for him.

Good luck.

The first thing that sprung to mind is your own safety, and then his. Could he turn psychotic and harm you?

He sounds vulnerable so I would leave if I were you, rather than telling him to leave. Suck up the money, and pay for somewhere else to stay tonight if you can.

Maybe contact someone who knows him next week, does he have a support or social worker for example?

How did he end up in a situation where he was freely able to drink so much then stay out all night?

If you work in mental health services you might have thought this through a bit better. This will have set him back hugely. So what if he was ‘showing off’ to someone on the train? He’s still in recovery, he probably has little else to talk about and is trying to figure life out again. It was a stupid idea all round. A night away from home in a non eventful place in nature would have been a more sensible idea. It isnt your fault and you aren’t his carer of course but he has no insight clearly and you should have thought it through a bit more.