Page 4 | Seriously? I mean, seriously?

SunshineOnIslington · 2026-05-30T08:25:47+00:00

Help, I’m in hell. I’m in London to watch the Arsenal game later (have tickets to watch at a fan zone) and the parade tomorrow. Staying in a twin Travelodge room with no air con and which currently feels like the ninth circle of hell but even that cost £256 for two nights! I’m here with a male friend who’s more like a brother, we’ve known each other forever. A few years ago he developed a secret cocaine habit and ended up spending the last three years in a psychiatric hospital. He’s out now and in supported accommodation but other than reminding him about his meds I thought he seemed ok and pretty self sufficient. Well he’s pissed me off from the start. Telling a guy on the train how he does literally nothing for himself, nothing all day (not sure that’s a boast although since I worked 70 hours last week I’m pretty jealous tbh). Then showed me £7k of benefits he’s saved up! He then drank far too much even though he’s not supposed to, wouldn’t come back to the hotel with me, and ended up eating a bucket of fried chicken in the early hours. I’ve tried to sleep given he snores like a walrus but given up, I’m getting up and out and he can do his own thing. He was in the bathroom a lot last night, and I’ve come in to have a shower and THERE IS LITERAL SHIT ON THE WALL. I am disgusted and tbh I don’t think I can be friends with someone who behaves like this. However I need to get through the next 24 hours! Do I book a hotel of my own somewhere else? I really can’t afford to but I feel sick staying here! Most places are also fully booked around where we need to be…

GooseCreekandtheRiver · Today 13:32

SunshineOnIslington · Today 13:16

Unfortunately we are together now. I’ve just told him exactly how his behaviour is making me feel and that I don’t want a repeat of last night (which let’s face it is what’s going to happen since he’s been drinking already). He’s just almost been in tears, but I am so fucking sick. His excuse for drinking last night and not taking his meds? He doesn’t know London! 🤦🏼‍♀️ all I can hope is that we end up mixing with a group of people at the fan park and I don’t have to be stuck with him.

“His excuse for drinking last night and not taking his meds?”

Is he taking his meds now OP? What is the effect if he doesn’t take them?

Thepeopleversuswork · Today 13:34

likelysuspect · Today 13:11

What do you mean 'responsibility for his welbeing'. That would be him

Unless he is subject to DOLs, he doesnt need 'permission' to do anything.

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Well OP said he people who run his sheltered accommodation had given him the green light to go provided he took his meds… so they obviously have some sort of overview or supervisory authority.

I don’t work in mental health so I don’t know how this works but it seems odd, given that they have signed it off, that it didn’t occur to them that drinking in the sun all day wasn’t ideal.

Original poster

SunshineOnIslington · Today 13:38

I don’t see how people aren’t understanding that he’s a grown fucking adult. I cannot physically take the drink out of his hands and I cannot physically force the medication down his throat. I’m already pissed off that I’m having to watch the match miles from the ground because he stated that we would go to a pub early and now couldn’t. Now on the train and I fully expect complaints about having to stand. He doesn’t ‘walk’ or ‘stand’ or do absolutely fuck all by the sounds of it. And he’s messaging a girl who I absolutely can’t stand because she takes advantage of him and telling her I’m in a mood with him!

OP posts:

likelysuspect · Today 13:38

Thepeopleversuswork · Today 13:34

Well OP said he people who run his sheltered accommodation had given him the green light to go provided he took his meds… so they obviously have some sort of overview or supervisory authority.

I don’t work in mental health so I don’t know how this works but it seems odd, given that they have signed it off, that it didn’t occur to them that drinking in the sun all day wasn’t ideal.

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Unless someone is under a DOLs there is no 'green light' to be given. They can advise and ask the person to sign up to a safety plan (ie take your meds and dont drink) but they have no control if the person refuses or ignores it.

Thepeopleversuswork · Today 13:44

SunshineOnIslington · Today 13:38

I don’t see how people aren’t understanding that he’s a grown fucking adult. I cannot physically take the drink out of his hands and I cannot physically force the medication down his throat. I’m already pissed off that I’m having to watch the match miles from the ground because he stated that we would go to a pub early and now couldn’t. Now on the train and I fully expect complaints about having to stand. He doesn’t ‘walk’ or ‘stand’ or do absolutely fuck all by the sounds of it. And he’s messaging a girl who I absolutely can’t stand because she takes advantage of him and telling her I’m in a mood with him!

No of course you can’t. But maybe you should have anticipated that a chaotic addict with a history of serious mental illness wasn’t the best choice of person to go drinking with hundreds of miles from home. Surely it would have been better to go on your own?

It sounds as if you have form facilitating behaviour like this from him and possibly others.

You sound like a well meaning person who tries to see the best in people and obviously you couldn’t know he was going to go on a huge bender but next time don’t rely on the self control of someone who doesn’t know how to control himself.

I honestly would ditch him. He sounds like someone who has been through a rough time but who lacks the motivation to pull himself out of it and who doesn’t have any responsibility or accountability.

Basically find better friends.

Backedoffhackedoff · Today 13:50

SunshineOnIslington · Today 13:38

I don’t see how people aren’t understanding that he’s a grown fucking adult. I cannot physically take the drink out of his hands and I cannot physically force the medication down his throat. I’m already pissed off that I’m having to watch the match miles from the ground because he stated that we would go to a pub early and now couldn’t. Now on the train and I fully expect complaints about having to stand. He doesn’t ‘walk’ or ‘stand’ or do absolutely fuck all by the sounds of it. And he’s messaging a girl who I absolutely can’t stand because she takes advantage of him and telling her I’m in a mood with him!

Have I missed a page of posts of something? No one is suggesting you should take care of him! You’re the one saying that you didn’t have kids and now you’ve got him.

just ignore him and Expect some puking/ shitting/ fighting later.

maybe book a room elsewhere now so you know you don’t have to go back with him?

Jamesblonde2 · Today 13:53

On top of everything ask for a fan at least.

Discardedbutnotlost8 · Today 13:55

SunshineOnIslington · Today 13:38

I don’t see how people aren’t understanding that he’s a grown fucking adult. I cannot physically take the drink out of his hands and I cannot physically force the medication down his throat. I’m already pissed off that I’m having to watch the match miles from the ground because he stated that we would go to a pub early and now couldn’t. Now on the train and I fully expect complaints about having to stand. He doesn’t ‘walk’ or ‘stand’ or do absolutely fuck all by the sounds of it. And he’s messaging a girl who I absolutely can’t stand because she takes advantage of him and telling her I’m in a mood with him!

But op you make a post on here because you are understandably upset, people are naturally going to offer suggestions to help.

It’s not logical that he’s enough of “a grown fucking adult” to make all of the poor choices like drink, and not take his medication, and yet isn’t enough of “a grown fucking adult* to make choices that would allow him to act considerately towards you, in fact, he’s being horrible

Sorry, it’s not enough to say that “this is the way it’s always been” you have agency too!

I normally loathe the cliché that you teach people how to treat you because imho once it’s reached that stage, it’s usually too late! But it really applies in your case op!

People are not understanding you op bc on the one hand you are saying “this is awful”, and I am sure it is and have every sympathy, but on the other hand you are tolerating and enabling it.

Enjoy the match op! Don’t let him ruin it for you!

JJWT · Today 13:58

Seriously yha may be your solution. We use them in London and they are great. Clean and safe. You don't have to have a berth in a dorm you can book a room. May even have air con. I'm sure u won't need me to add to the advice to permanently call it a day with the friend.

jasmine465 · Today 13:59

SunshineOnIslington · Today 13:38

I don’t see how people aren’t understanding that he’s a grown fucking adult. I cannot physically take the drink out of his hands and I cannot physically force the medication down his throat. I’m already pissed off that I’m having to watch the match miles from the ground because he stated that we would go to a pub early and now couldn’t. Now on the train and I fully expect complaints about having to stand. He doesn’t ‘walk’ or ‘stand’ or do absolutely fuck all by the sounds of it. And he’s messaging a girl who I absolutely can’t stand because she takes advantage of him and telling her I’m in a mood with him!

No one is suggesting you should be taking the drink out of his hand or physically forcing him to take his meds. You are right that the responsibility lies solely with him to do those things.

What people, myself included, are surprised by, is that you are continuing to accept this behaviour from him despite the effect it is having on you.

It is good that you have been able to tell him how his behaviour has impacted you. It is also clear that despite the tears he doesn’t give two shits about how you feel, as your update implies he has done very little to change his behaviour today. Yet you are continuing to socialise with him today, and have not taken the advice from many to ask him to book his own room and continue the trip alone. You have attempted to verbally assert a boundary, but this is not backed by your actions at all. He therefore feels he can continue to behave in this way.

As someone with a background in mental healthcare, I’m surprised you cannot see how your actions have not asserted a boundary. He knows how you feel, but is continuing to impose that on you. By not taking action, you are enabling this behaviour.

If you want to enjoy your trip, you need to start taking more decisive action. Have you asked him to leave the room, or told him that if he continues to behave like this then you’ll be continuing the trip alone? If not, do so now, and back it up by following through with the consequences. Despite his addictions and vulnerabilities, he is an adult with capacity and he needs to be shown that expecting friends to bear the brunt of his poor behaviour and pick up the pieces is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. You will be doing him a favour as a friend to let him learn this lesson, even if it is the hard way.

Good luck, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.

Discardedbutnotlost8 · Today 14:04

Thepeopleversuswork · Today 13:44

No of course you can’t. But maybe you should have anticipated that a chaotic addict with a history of serious mental illness wasn’t the best choice of person to go drinking with hundreds of miles from home. Surely it would have been better to go on your own?

It sounds as if you have form facilitating behaviour like this from him and possibly others.

You sound like a well meaning person who tries to see the best in people and obviously you couldn’t know he was going to go on a huge bender but next time don’t rely on the self control of someone who doesn’t know how to control himself.

I honestly would ditch him. He sounds like someone who has been through a rough time but who lacks the motivation to pull himself out of it and who doesn’t have any responsibility or accountability.

Basically find better friends.

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This in a nutshell!

Even with well behaved, kind friends, going on a trip with someone needs to be carefully negotiated in advance from both sides.

Are you sure there isn’t a romantic element in your attachment to him op? Is that is what is keeping you by his side? And why wouldn’t you take separate rooms by yourselves? It may have been a financial decision but it represents the lack of clarity in your relationship. No proper boundaries.

Do you have other friends op?

Original poster

SunshineOnIslington · Today 14:07

@Discardedbutnotlost8 I have loads of friends! Can also confirm that he is the last person on earth I would ever have any romantic inclinations with

OP posts:

Discardedbutnotlost8 · Today 14:08

jasmine465 · Today 13:59

No one is suggesting you should be taking the drink out of his hand or physically forcing him to take his meds. You are right that the responsibility lies solely with him to do those things.

What people, myself included, are surprised by, is that you are continuing to accept this behaviour from him despite the effect it is having on you.

It is good that you have been able to tell him how his behaviour has impacted you. It is also clear that despite the tears he doesn’t give two shits about how you feel, as your update implies he has done very little to change his behaviour today. Yet you are continuing to socialise with him today, and have not taken the advice from many to ask him to book his own room and continue the trip alone. You have attempted to verbally assert a boundary, but this is not backed by your actions at all. He therefore feels he can continue to behave in this way.

As someone with a background in mental healthcare, I’m surprised you cannot see how your actions have not asserted a boundary. He knows how you feel, but is continuing to impose that on you. By not taking action, you are enabling this behaviour.

If you want to enjoy your trip, you need to start taking more decisive action. Have you asked him to leave the room, or told him that if he continues to behave like this then you’ll be continuing the trip alone? If not, do so now, and back it up by following through with the consequences. Despite his addictions and vulnerabilities, he is an adult with capacity and he needs to be shown that expecting friends to bear the brunt of his poor behaviour and pick up the pieces is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. You will be doing him a favour as a friend to let him learn this lesson, even if it is the hard way.

Good luck, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.

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This is great advice!

shuggles · Today 14:10

@SunshineOnIslington A word of advice - find normal men to have friendships with.

Discardedbutnotlost8 · Today 14:11

SunshineOnIslington · Today 14:07

@Discardedbutnotlost8 I have loads of friends! Can also confirm that he is the last person on earth I would ever have any romantic inclinations with

Fair enough Op! I stand corrected!

I hope you have a good evening at the match and I genuinely hope that things aren’t too grim tonight for you.

SignGrudgeBluebook · Today 14:14

Wait til you hit menopause. It's one strike and you're out!

EmeraldRoulette · Today 14:20

@SunshineOnIslington "I don’t see how people aren’t understanding that he’s a grown fucking adult"

I think we all get that

What is confusing is that he lives in supported accommodation so we don't know how much agency he has over his own behaviour. We don't have to be experts in everything.

As I said, it sounds like you are best placed to make the decisions here because it's within your realm of work experience

But somehow you've ended up shouting at us when we were just trying to help

Because you asked for advice

I give up

VickyEadie · Today 14:25

SunshineOnIslington · Today 13:38

I don’t see how people aren’t understanding that he’s a grown fucking adult. I cannot physically take the drink out of his hands and I cannot physically force the medication down his throat. I’m already pissed off that I’m having to watch the match miles from the ground because he stated that we would go to a pub early and now couldn’t. Now on the train and I fully expect complaints about having to stand. He doesn’t ‘walk’ or ‘stand’ or do absolutely fuck all by the sounds of it. And he’s messaging a girl who I absolutely can’t stand because she takes advantage of him and telling her I’m in a mood with him!

I don't understand - why haven't you gone to the fan zone, which you've got a ticket for?

EmeraldRoulette · Today 14:30

PS I didn't know that a "grown fucking adult" with full and total capacity and responsibility for their own decisions, could be in supported accommodation. What is the support for? Maybe someone can tell me.

likelysuspect · Today 14:40

EmeraldRoulette · Today 14:30

PS I didn't know that a "grown fucking adult" with full and total capacity and responsibility for their own decisions, could be in supported accommodation. What is the support for? Maybe someone can tell me.

It will be a care package. Usually s117 aftercare after being in hospital.

Some people are in supported accommodation with learning disabilities, or physical disabilities or MH issues under adult social services as a care package.

His will likely be a package under the MH team (health rather than SSD)

It just offers support to try to live independently for people that struggle.

You're not a prisoner.

ginasevern · Today 14:42

Sorry OP but given that you work in mental health, you don't seem to have thought this through at all. This is a vulnerable adult with substance abuse issues who is currently residing in supported accommodation for goodness sake. That should really tell you all you need to know, and whether you were likely to have a "jolly" time going away with him.

Original poster

SunshineOnIslington · Today 14:44

@SignGrudgeBluebook i already have!

@VickyEadie it’s a fan zone but an hour away from the ground, the only place we could get tickets. Currently dead

OP posts:

LongDarkTeatime · Today 14:51

Feeling for you @SunshineOnIslington
As you say he’s an adult and makes his own choices. All you can do is manage your own behaviour (boundaries) and keep yourself safe.
If you can afford it, I’d get a different room for tonight. It’s not fair on you but worth it in the long run for your peace.

Take care and hope you get to enjoy some of the day.

Moveoverdarlin · Today 14:57

He was in a psychiatric hospital for 3 years? Years????

I think perhaps you’ve taken on more than you can chew with this friend and you perhaps underestimated his ability to conform to a conventional weekend jolly in the city.

I would one hundred percent remove myself from this situation. Try and get another hotel and to hell with the cost. Have a lovely weekend on your own OP.

LarksAscending · Today 15:03

That’s shit. But tbf I’m not sure why you expected seeing an Arsenal game in London during a heatwave with a former cocaine addict would be fun. It was going to be awful from the get go.

Id just leave. Stay further away.