To be annoyed that my parents never gave me a sense of responsibility when it comes to money?

[spendyspend]

My parents have always been pretty well off - a successful business, rental properties and healthy pensions.

They have never been ones for investing, and although my dad is quite tight, my mum is the opposite. If i ever saw something I liked as a child she’d tell me to buy it, birthday money would always be “oh let’s go on a shopping trip”, there was never any mention of saving it. They never really bought into the saving for your kids thing either.

That attitude carried on, and I ended up in a bit of a mess in my early 20’s because of it, and I’m only just starting to get myself out of it in my late 20’s.

But looking back, I can’t really believe they did this? I’m not in a hugely well paying job but they encouraged me to act like I was - if I ever mentioned liking something they’d just say “oh well buy it”, never encouraged saving for a home etc., and I just feel like it was really irresponsible of them. They’ve not taught me about pensions, investing, anything like that. I feel a little let down by them to be honest. AIBU to feel that way?

My mum is a social worker. She saw 100 times worse every day than whatever complaints I might have had about her.

Forget the money/saving topic of this thread and have a real think about the gratitude you should have for your parents. There are children who are starved, beaten and raped by their patents daily.

This petty thread does yourself and your parents a real dishonour.

Having a successful business and a big pension doesn't necessarily mean you have good habits with your personal money, so I can see where the OP is coming from, since her mother has always actively encouraged her to behave in a way that is fairly irresponsible.
Good parenting includes teaching your kids the life-skills they need, including money management, so they dropped the ball a bit, but she's working it out for herself now - no one is perfect.

In an ideal world yeah, it would be nice if they had taught you good money management habits. But we don't live in an ideal world and once you become an adult it's your responsibility to learn these things.

My mum was very bad with money and I saw her struggle and make poor decisions. That was an education in itself as I've always been determined not to live that way and make those mistakes and I haven't. My sister learned nothing and she struggles with money and continues to blame parenting for all her problems.

My mum was also wild with spending and I was spoilt as a kid. I'm incredibly financially secure - I save and invest everything.

YABVU - not everything is your parents fault, you're an adult, your relationship with money is 100% your responsibility.

😂

Children are like ducklings, they follow their parents behaviour and mirror it, the good and the bad, you were given plenty of opportunities to learn, watch and evaluate. I’ve given up blaming my parents and taking responsibility for my children if they choose not to try. I wasn’t taught anything as a child, my father worked all hours in a manual role, my mother was very loving but very depressed. It took me a lot longer to learn the basics, it is my responsibility. Stop blaming your parents and learn to take responsibility now.

Own your own messes. Your parents didn't make a mess if your finances. You did.
Lessons aren't properly learned unless you take responsibility.

I voted YABU but not strongly - your parents could and should have done better, but no parent is flawless and their “failure” to educate you is now yours to remedy. You’re not even 30 yet, so you have plenty of time to turn your life around. You can even retrain in a better paying career if you want - I think failing to warn their children that nice houses and holidays don’t just happen for most people with arts degrees is something a lot of Boomer and early Gen X parents messed up.

This might have been recommended already, but the new Rebel Finance School course starts on Monday. It’s totally free and will teach you literally everything you need to know. I did it last year and it’s been a serious eye opener. There’s a Facebook group too.

rebeldonegans.com/finance/rfs/

My mum spent money like water and was always skint. Didn't teach me about pension and savings. I knew from the age of 12 I wouldn't be like her. Stop blaming them you're an adult educate yourself.

There’s nothing more unattractive than an adult blaming their parents for their own bad decisions. Grow up listen to a podcast or read a budget article on the net.

How would you expect people with this attitude to money to teach you frugality and to save?

They did teach you their own financial behaviour.

Neither did mine, because we were dirt poor and we lived hand to mouth. Stop whining and sort yourself out!

Exactly. I had never really handled money before I left for uni. Bit of pocket money and cash in hand holiday jobs.
My parents had blessed me with an education so when I went to.uni I used the maths I had learnt to work out my spending limits
Job done!

I honestly think this stuff comes alongside personality. I was never taught any fiscal responsibility by my parents but I have an anxious personality so am naturally frugal.

I think budgeting as an adult is one of those things you have to figure out for yourself. My parents have always been very well off and growing up I never struggled with money - I'm self-employed (as is DH) and between us we probably take home 1/5th of what they did.

I was never taught to budget as I never needed to - I just figured it out for myself as soon as I got paid for the first time and realised I had to make (x) last for a month.

Maybe noone taught them either.

It is annoying that they are irresponsible, but the time the ygrew up in (assuming they are Boomers) was very different. You could walk into any job, a man working 40 hours a week in an average job could support a family. There wasn't as much need to be careful.

Just sort yourself out financially and make the best choices you can. I wouldn't say it is a good idea to invest every penny and not go on any holidays in your youth either. It's all about balance

It is annoying that they are irresponsible, but the time the ygrew up in (assuming they are Boomers) was very different. You could walk into any job, a man working 40 hours a week in an average job could support a family. There wasn't as much need to be careful.

What utter rubbish! I think you will find most boomers had to watch and count every penny, especially in their 20s and 30s, and were incredibly frugal living with minimal luxuries and minimal basics even, having a 'make do and mend' attitude. It's typically only when they got to later in life (60+) they discovered more comfort and that their early frugality, plus some good luck, paid off.

It's not your own failure.

You need to remember the people commenting will not necessarily have been raised in an environment where money was no object, so their comments come from a lack of understanding.

My parents are reasonably well off, but I was raised the opposite to you - to value money, and separate wanting from needing. I was given a monthly allowance that was calculated based on what clothes/shoes I would NEED in a year, and a sensible cost for those items. I then had to budget myself. We got second hand clothes bargains, I learned to look after my property so I could sell it later etc...

I am raising my own children the same. To not be materialistic.

I think managing money is something that you have to learn through experience. We as parents can educate as much as we can but it’s all hypothetical until you’re responsible for your own financial decisions.

OP, let go of the blame for your own sanity. Yes they could have done better but it’s too late now.

Good for you for getting educated now. 20s are a perfect time for this, some never learn!

I wouldn’t blame them. My parents were and are comfortably off, and never frivolous. Every meal was cooked from scratch and I earned every penny of the pocket money I had.

Nowadays? I seem to subscribe to the ‘no pockets in a shroud’ opinion, I have a decently paid job, and I can’t keep a penny.

That about sums it up!
When we're were students we used to save £1 for food for the weekend. To be fair it was worth more then, but we mainly lived on cheese and potato pie!

Parents can’t bloody win can they Instil a work ethic, a sense of self-worth, a happy childhood, and it’s still not good enough.

Being aware at 12 of the parents having a successful business and being encouraged to spend spend spend is not the same as sitting down and explaining how that business came about including potential financial/time sacrifices in the early stages of setting up such a buisness.

Unless I’ve read it wrong, there was no conversation about the need to save in the short or long term.

Children need explicit descriptions and instructions. Assuming they understand by osmosis alone isn’t enough.

YABU, the first poster got it in one. It's comical how unreasonable you are. Why is it that blame the parents is the newest game? "Why didn't my parents educate me" and yet if they had, it would be "why were my parents so tight" or "why wouldn't they let me do what I want with my own money". Educate yourself. This is the exact same as posters who say "why didn't my parents teach me how to wash clothes".

The Irony is you’re not willing to take responsibility for it and so blame your parents for your inability to be careful with money.

You’re an adult. Being careful with money is a skill you can easily develop yourself. I don’t know anyone who’s parents taught them about investing or pensions. We just figure that stuff out ourselves.