To be annoyed that my parents never gave me a sense of responsibility when it comes to money?

[spendyspend]

My parents have always been pretty well off - a successful business, rental properties and healthy pensions.

They have never been ones for investing, and although my dad is quite tight, my mum is the opposite. If i ever saw something I liked as a child she’d tell me to buy it, birthday money would always be “oh let’s go on a shopping trip”, there was never any mention of saving it. They never really bought into the saving for your kids thing either.

That attitude carried on, and I ended up in a bit of a mess in my early 20’s because of it, and I’m only just starting to get myself out of it in my late 20’s.

But looking back, I can’t really believe they did this? I’m not in a hugely well paying job but they encouraged me to act like I was - if I ever mentioned liking something they’d just say “oh well buy it”, never encouraged saving for a home etc., and I just feel like it was really irresponsible of them. They’ve not taught me about pensions, investing, anything like that. I feel a little let down by them to be honest. AIBU to feel that way?

I feel really strongly about this sort of thing. Not all parents can teach their kids about finances and so we should be having them get this education in schools but unfortunately they don’t.

That being said, yes your parents probably did you a disservice, but you are an adult and you make your own choices so you can’t blame them. My mum didn’t teach me how to cook, but that’s not why I am fat, I could have chosen to learn…you could have chosen to educate yourself, not make purchases if you couldn’t afford them etc.

Your post makes you sound entitled and you probably won’t get much sympathy here.

It’s a shame they don’t treat you to the breakfast if they have plenty of money. I agree that they shouldn’t pressure you to spend but lots of people have parents who are either skinflint or spendthrift and have to find their own way with money.

I sort of get what you are saying. I could choose to throw money about but i don’t. We have taught our kids to save. Once our first child hit 18 she had her first alone meeting with our financial advisor. We have been very open with the kids about saving and investments.

Budgeting is a learning curve. I always spent my pocket money as a kid, I loved gel pens and writing diaries, sweets, all that tat. I probably blew it straight away. My parents didnt sit me down and educate me but life did as it with most people.

When I started Uni, and overspent on going out and realised rent has to be paid ect. You learn fast. Bills come in, car fees ect. You just have to prioritise. Absolutely you take on what your parents do but you also just learn on the job yourself and mould your own habits. You need to step out of this blame cycle and take ownership for your own spending now really.

Probably because they could afford it?

My father is just like that. It’s ridiculous. He just spends everything he has, big or small, and then my mother supports him when it runs out. However if anything, watching that cycle taught me to budget appropriately and save now as an adult. I do think financial literacy should be taught in school. We didn’t have much education about money either and I wish I’d known about investing and interest etc much earlier. But I’m going to teach my nephews and break the cycle. You have to take responsibility for yourself as an adult and these days education is easily found online.

Talk about blaming others! You are having a laugh surely?

What happened to responsibility to yourself? You don’t have to be taught everything. It’s called growing up.

They could of told you to budget and save and you could of said well you don't, I'm not going to, and now moan about that.

You're a grown up, surely it only takes running out of money before the end of the month once for you to figure what you're doing isn't working.

But you know basic maths, whether you have enough money to pay for x or y? Yes as a young adult some guidance might have been helpful but if you’re old enough to hold down a job you’re old enough to work out you can’t afford everything you want.

There’s a point when we need to accept responsibility for our own choices.

The thing about teaching people about finances is that it’s a constantly moving target. Look at the changes happening to ISA’s next year. As an adult one really has to start learning for oneself.

Your parents had multiple income streams and from the sounds of it were very wealthy. Your mum might have thought your “spends” were for you to buy anything you wanted as they could provide everything else?

Many/most of us have lived the other side of that coin which is that parents had no spare cash to save themselves and wouldn’t have any idea about the tax efficiency of pensions or buying rental properties.

Some of my spends I had to save to pay for “necessaries” like period products.

I know which childhood I would have preferred!

You just sound like a spoilt brat 🤨

you may have a point
my dm wanted me to save a large amount of money that a relative gave me
my df spoke to me at length about getting a pension