To be annoyed that my parents never gave me a sense of responsibility when it comes to money?

[spendyspend]

My parents have always been pretty well off - a successful business, rental properties and healthy pensions.

They have never been ones for investing, and although my dad is quite tight, my mum is the opposite. If i ever saw something I liked as a child she’d tell me to buy it, birthday money would always be “oh let’s go on a shopping trip”, there was never any mention of saving it. They never really bought into the saving for your kids thing either.

That attitude carried on, and I ended up in a bit of a mess in my early 20’s because of it, and I’m only just starting to get myself out of it in my late 20’s.

But looking back, I can’t really believe they did this? I’m not in a hugely well paying job but they encouraged me to act like I was - if I ever mentioned liking something they’d just say “oh well buy it”, never encouraged saving for a home etc., and I just feel like it was really irresponsible of them. They’ve not taught me about pensions, investing, anything like that. I feel a little let down by them to be honest. AIBU to feel that way?

My sibling is the same, "champagne lifestyle on lemonade wages"

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis
I agree that you can't blame parents endlessly, but she's not - she's educating herself now, and wishing her parents had educated her then.

But she is still blaming them.
She's "annoyed" and feels "let down".

You mentioned teeth in your post - my parents were probably over-keen on my teeth, paid extra for fluoride treatment, took me to the dentist regularly...
They were bad at other things.
Obviously, I think I've done my best with my DC but there'll be things I got wrong.

Regardless of whether you should blame your parents or not, the reality is that they did you give you terrible messaging about money (and seemingly still do), which is a very irresponsible way of educating children. Good for you for learning your way out of it, and yes your mother’s attitude is terrible.

Why did you not go into a well paying job that would afford you the kind of lifestyle you want?

Your parents taught you if you work hard, then you have the money to do nice things

If you pick a career that doesn’t pay well - that’s on you?!!

So, despite having a thriving business, rental properties (I.e. investments) and putting money into pensions - you believe they are irresponsible for having holidays they could afford and buying things they could afford? Your belief is it would have been better for them to not have holidays, not buy things they could afford, penny pinch and buy no name food. If they did all of that, their ‘spare cash’ would have just exploded further and I guess they would have added an extra rental property with it, but why??

You poor thing. Is there a Gofundme I can donate to?

This is basically it.

Yes, as a child it wasnt on you.
Was it on you the day you turned 18? No prob not....but as someone pushing 30 its on you.

Logically.. What did you think would happen at 23 when you were earning 2k per month and spending 4k....?

Also given they are so wealthy presumably
A. They could/would bail you out
B. You'll inherit something

These are backstops most people dont have.

Really if this is their biggest "crime" as parents you should consider yourself lucky.

For comparison I can appreciate i had a better childhood with more advantages than many when despite the fact I had a bipolar alcoholic father who alternated between fun adventures and tormenting and terrorising me it wasnt the best but we had a roof over our heads my mother managed to make sure I got a good education in school and wasnt perfect but did her best.... like there's a lottt worse out there.

If easy to be all woe is me but as parents go this honestly if this is the main gripe this is in the "so they weren't perfect" bucket.

But they must have worked hard to earn the money they had and also put it in a pension? While they didn’t directly verbalise the need to save to you, they must have done this themselves but were also in a position to spend a lot.

What kind of financial position are they in these days? Can they help you?

Parenting is hard. I'm sure we could all identify areas where we could have done better, advised better, but I console myself with the fact that I tried my best to prepare my children for adulthood. I'm sure most parents are the same.

Am getting so fed up.of the incessant whiny parent blaming on here.
If you support your kids, you are too indulgent and generous.
If you don't support your kids, you are mean.
If you do childcare, you are not doing it right.
If you don't do childcare, you are selfish and callous.

My parents didn't teach me about money either. I taught myself. There are a million resources out there now.Grow up and use them.

I have a shopaholic friend who is 55 and is still blaming her dead parents for being kind and generous when she was a child. There comes a time when adults need to adult.

My guess is they felt they had earned the right to the holidays and buying whatever they wanted without looking at the price tag. I think it was Harrods’ who came up with the phrase “if you have to ask the price you can’t afford it “. What your parents should, however, be criticised for is bringing up an ungrateful and entitled child.

I wonder what our son will blame us for in the future?

You are an adult. Maybe stop blaming them and do something about it. Take responsibility for yourself

Seems like they forgot to teach you about being responsible for your own actions too.
You're being ridiculous. My parents never taught me about savings, pensions or investments. I figured it out for myself like lots of people do.

But looking back, I can’t really believe they did this? I’m not in a hugely well paying job but they encouraged me to act like I was - if I ever mentioned liking something they’d just say “oh well buy it”, never encouraged saving for a home etc., and I just feel like it was really irresponsible of them.

Maybe they're assumed, rightly or wrongly, that you were bright enough not to spend money that you didn't have on things you couldn't afford and that you understood a home would need paying for.
Just because your mother said "Just buy it" doesn't mean you had to.
You could have said that you couldn't afford it.

Everyone can reflect on their childhood and find something that they disagree with how their parents handled it. If your parents aren’t good or informed about savings/finances then obviously they aren’t going to teach you about it. You don’t just become a perfect and knowledgeable person when you become a parent. Most people I know learnt about finances by trial and error in their early 20s.

I was the same - grew up getting everything I wanted and never being taught about money.

Guess what - I look back at think I was lucky to have such a privileged childhood and taught myself about saving, etc.

Own your choices rather than blame other people.

Oh come on, sounds like you were quite spoiled as a child, and now realise you don’t have the same spending power as your parents but that’s not their fault. Stop blaming your parents.

What your parents should, however, bne criticised for is bringing up an ungrateful and entitled child

This,

Nice try but therr is only so long people can blame their parents for and use it as excuse for not being a grown up

So they gave you a great childhood and you want to find something to moan about. This is downright funny.

You say your dad was tight. Then claim ‘they’ encouraged you to spend.

Erm…I think you are.

You’re getting a lot of heat on here OP. Unnecessarily.

I think it’s reasonable to expect parents teach financial responsibility. Who else is gonna role model that to a child if not their parents.

Youve had to learn the hard way. All the best for the future OP.

This. Op you’re an adult now. Learn from it and move on. Imagine crying about being a bad finances as an adult because your parents spoilt you because they could.

One of my siblings has diagnosed C-PTSD as a result of childhood, me and other sibling hardly unscathed either. I still know there are many, many more who had a infinitely worse time than we did.

If this is your only complaint against your parents, you've had a charmed life.