To be annoyed that my parents never gave me a sense of responsibility when it comes to money?

[spendyspend]

My parents have always been pretty well off - a successful business, rental properties and healthy pensions.

They have never been ones for investing, and although my dad is quite tight, my mum is the opposite. If i ever saw something I liked as a child she’d tell me to buy it, birthday money would always be “oh let’s go on a shopping trip”, there was never any mention of saving it. They never really bought into the saving for your kids thing either.

That attitude carried on, and I ended up in a bit of a mess in my early 20’s because of it, and I’m only just starting to get myself out of it in my late 20’s.

But looking back, I can’t really believe they did this? I’m not in a hugely well paying job but they encouraged me to act like I was - if I ever mentioned liking something they’d just say “oh well buy it”, never encouraged saving for a home etc., and I just feel like it was really irresponsible of them. They’ve not taught me about pensions, investing, anything like that. I feel a little let down by them to be honest. AIBU to feel that way?

I don’t think most parents know anything about investing or pensions.

I’ve not voted as I do see your point and think being financially savvy should be taught and being spoilt as a child rarely ends well.

However, they obviously thought they were doing the best thing for you at the time and so you can’t be mad at that.

Parenting is literally something we just wing and hope we get right.
We learn from our parents - either from what they did right or from their mistakes.

Their parents were probably much more careful with money and so wanted to give you everything you wanted.
You’ll probably find you’ll be a lot more strict with your child and spend much less on them.

You had a very privileged childhood and I would just be grateful for that. Most of us would dream for this to be the worst thing that happened in our childhood.
But I do understand how it can be challenging to navigate adulthood when you’ve not been taught properly.

I don't think my parents ever talked to me about money. There were no suggestions that I should or should not save it - if there was something I wanted to buy with my money I bought it. As an adult, I'm quite frugal. My adult son, however, is the opposite.
As an adult, surely it all comes down to knowing what your income is and knowing what you can afford on that income? I don't see what else there is to know? I can't believe you wouldn't know what a savings account is and that having money aside for future use is a good idea - that's just basic common sense that comes with getting older.

Parent Blaming seems to be the fashion now.

Parent Blaming seems to be the fashion now.

Sounds as though your parents were well off and were able to spend their money how they wished? So if they could afford it, they bought it. Don't see a problem with that personally. They paid their bills on time? Food on the table? You're an adult, stop making excuses for your bad financial choices.

You can be annoyed but it would make me wonder if you were brought up in isolation! Or if you have developed emotionally.

We are not just influenced by our parents - wider family, friends, school/education. Even programmes on TV/films/info online.

My parents didn’t talk about money - it was considered uncouth to do so. I still managed to learn about finances though.

The parents had successfull businesses surely that is role modelling ? the op was working in the business at 12 surely that is also role modelling ? Her mum was extravagant sure she loved her child and liked spending, they had money but the op must have known it didn't come out of the air because she was working from 12.
The op imo is resentful because she was spoiled and can't have what she had growing up, that is on her imo those are her feelings to sort out and deal with.

Your parents, like most parents, try to do their best. You can take responsibility for how you deal with what they equipped you with.

Look at the good things they did for you not what they didn't do.

Philip Larkin and all that.

Your children one day will look back and curse you for all sorts probably.

Exactly.
You see so many posts here about feckless, drunk, abusive parents. Those kids have something to complain about.

I don’t understand why so many posters are being so harsh or saying the OP is ridiculous. Money management is a really important thing. If her parents had been saying ‘oh just eat if if you want it’ and encouraging her to eat as many sweets / treats / donuts as she wanted, I don’t think so many posters would be saying ‘it’s your responsibility to learn good food habits’. Seems reasonable to me to be a bit annoyed that her parents instilled poor money habits. Obviously while recognising that she is an adult now and has the power to do what she wants (as she seems to be fully aware of…)

Utter nonsense. My parents didn't teach me about pensions or savings but if I had money (weekly pocket money - not a lot or birthday money) and wanted to spend it I could. Should I also complain about my school as it didn't teach me about mortgages, car finance, insurance, work contracts? The only debt I've had other than a mortgage was my overdraft when I was a student....

You have grown up with the Internet as normal with a whole world of information available to you. You obviously had no curiosity as you had access to the information as a teen if you'd wanted it. My children are of a similar age to you and know a lot more about an incredible range of things than I ever did at their age because they were (and still are) curious. As a teen I had to go to the library for information, read books, journals or newspapers- you just need to click a few buttons.

I'm a saver, husbands a spender. If he has £21 he has to spend every penny. He treats his wages like they're winnings and not something that needs to be spread out over the month. No intervention has worked and this is why we now have separate bank accounts. His mum is the same. 2 weeks out of the month neither have a penny left in their bank accounts. I wasn't taught to save but I figured out I needed to. There comes a point in your life you have to take responsibility for yourself and although parents maybe partly to blame, they're not to blame entirely.

I get what you mean. My son-in-laws parents, totally spoilt and indulged him. He met my DD when they were teens and it took nearly ten years to get him money savvy, his parents bailed him out. She still won't combine finances with him. I've always been skint (since being widowed) and needed a good credit rating, if I needed a new fridge freezer etc. I taught my children how to budget, how to build credit ratings and overpaying into a pension/mortgage, the best way to borrow etc.

I didn’t get a savings account until I graduated uni because I’d been taught it wasn’t important to save

You'd been 'taught' it wasn't important to save?
Or hadn't been taught that it 'is' important to save?

I mean it is a bit sad that they didn’t teach you about money, but it’s really just that - a bit sad.

i don’t think they have failed you or are terrible parents.

My husbands parents never taught him to look after himself hygiene wise, never taught him to cook or how to look after a home, definitely didn’t talk about money, how to drive or look after a car, and on and on.

My parents also never taught me a lot of these things, but I’ve taught myself over the years. And I am making sure to specifically teach myself children these things in order to break the cycle and hopefully for them to have a better life in general.

I’d say try not to dwell on it. If they were good parents otherwise then I think they’ve done well. You can’t change the past and thinking about does absolutely nothing.

You need to take responsibility for the mess that you got yourself into without blaming anyone else.

You should be more annoyed that your parents didn't teach you that as an adult you will be responsible for yourself and your own actions.

Well this is how I am, after I’ve put £1.5k into my pension, £500 paying off my rental property mortgage and £1k into my stocks and shares ISA. This in itself isn’t bad behaviour.

Also my parents are self employed, spend their whole wage every mont and have no pensions or other investments. I’ve still, all by myself, figured out how to save and invest sufficiently and balance this against my monthly spending.

Take some personal responsibility. If you know your parents have rental properties and pensions then saving and investing was not a surprise to you.

I came from a poor one parent family so I learnt nothing about money management but I suppose what’s the point if there’s no extra money to save/invest?

I was going to say similar, my parents never taught me about pensions or saving or anything financial because there was never any spare money to do anything with. I never had a savings account opened for me or got pocket money to save myself - the concept of having excess money was completely alien.

My parents bought and fed me chocolate when I was growing up. It is entirely their fault I love it too much now! (Lighthearted-just in case!) OP you could use this argument for everything but at the end of the day, we have to make our own choices in life. You can't blame everyone else!

I don’t think you can blame your parents.You could have educated yourself. It isn’t exactly rocket science if you have £x coming in, and basics for living cost £y, the amount you have left £x-y is what you have to spend on other stuff. As far as pensions go, all jobs I believe have to provide a workplace pension and there have been plenty of programmes on the radio and tv about money/pensions. That said, I do believe that schools should teach stuff like budgeting, tax, savings, pension to everyone.
If you are in debt, there are charities around the will help you, and citizens advice bureau can help or point people in the right direction.

Oh Op grow up and take responsibility for your life.

At some point, as an adult you have to decide how to behave yourself. That things are your responsibility.
The attitude to money in your house growing up certainly will influence you. But once you reach adulthood you can choose to have your own view of how things should be.

All parents make mistakes, being wealthy and not having to teach their children to save or worry about money is down to their wealthy lifestyle. They didn't have to so why would they think to model it.

You're late 20s, you have plenty of time to turn it around and do things your own way. If your Mum thinks you should buy things just tell her you can't afford it, maybe she will buy it for you if they are still well off.