AIBU to feel gaslit by my manager in my very early days at a new job?

[LoyalViper]

Started a new job recently. In our very first meeting, my manager told me that while there are set core hours, it's fine to adjust them as long as you let your team know in some way (she specifically said online status update is fine).

This morning I started early and posted a message in our team chat explaining I'd be leaving early accordingly, which was more than she'd said was necessary.

She then messaged me to say I should give her a heads up if I'm going to shift my hours during probation, and linked me to the policy page.
I replied saying I thought we'd discussed that adjusting my hours was fine as long as I let the team know, and asked if I'd misunderstood.
She immediately replied saying no, I'd understood correctly, it was her mistake for not being clearer.
For context, I've since checked the policy page she linked and it doesn't mention probation at all. It just says hours are flexible as long as you make up the time.

I felt a bit gaslit. And it's made me think back to something a colleague said to me in our very first catch up, completely unprompted: to make sure I always keep communication channels open with my manager. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I'm not sure what to make of it.

AIBU to feel unsettled by this, especially as someone who is neurodivergent and finds inconsistent information from people in authority genuinely stressful? Or am I reading too much into it?

Happens so often. And you aren't the winner..

I always give my manager the heads up if I want to finish earlier than core hours. Even though she wouldn’t ever object, but just seems right to ‘ask’

Hmm . I’d probably work the core hours to start with until you work out the environment.

Do they not want you to run it past them first?

I’m not sure I would be adjusting my hours whilst I’m still in my probation period.

You need to ask the manager privately first.
Once she agrees, then put it on the team chat.

I'd expect new joiners to stick to standard hours during probation, before flexing their hours according to need, once they are established..

He should have been clearer about the norms and his expectations.

I'd also check that the flexibility is not based on need (ie getting home early to let in a plumber or collect a poorly child), rather than when you just fancy doing earlier hours.

Your manager wanted a heads up about what you were doing, before you went ahead and did it.
She probably wanted you to ask if it was OK, rather than just tell her you were doing it, and she would have said yes, it’s fine. Some people just work like this. I guess it makes them feel like they’re doing their job of managing you, and consider it “good manners” for you to ask first.

I’m very flexible in my approach and am happy for team members to do this but I expect to be asked first about it. I almost always agree to it but there might sometimes be reasons why it’s a bit tricky.

I don’t think YABU, she has given you mixed messages and then tried to cover this up with some policy that she doesn't even understand herself or at the very least hasn’t read properly. I understand why you feel unsettled but I would just let it slide on this occasion, hopefully it’s a one off rather than a pattern on her side.

I’ve been in my role for 20 years and always give my manager the heads up before telling my team. Sometimes I ask permission. It’s good manners.

I think some are misunderstanding the issue. You thought- based on what you had been verbally told - that you were following the rules, only to be given contradictory information.

I would feel a bit like you, so going forward I would try to confirm as much on Teams as possible. Gaslighting is a big word and possibly not helpful here, maybe better to assume your manager is a bit scatty so check they meant what they said on all occasions.

In a probation period and the first time of doing it I'd have checked with the manager that it was OK that just seems polite to me

She didnt gaslight you, she just wasn't clear enough in her instructions

Sometimes that happens, now you know the procedure you do that

Be prepared for the micro managing to start.

I feel for the manager. She’s going to have her hands full with you I suspect. “Gaslit” 🙄

How many days have you been there?

Gaslighting?

You’re not being gaslit. That’s an overreaction of a term to use. You can still do adjusted hours, she just wants a heads up first, and said it was her mistake.

Crikey, thank goodness I don't need to report to anybody again in the workplace. Interesting use of language from some managers on this thread.

Start job hunting. I think passing your probation is unlikely

What does the policy say? I get that the link didn't work but there must be a policy somewhere.
It's probably sensible to keep to standard hours in probation period anyway

What a mean thing to say. OP, the problem with the thread is that the results are going to be affected by your use of the gaslighting term. Some are really hung up on how it's used. If she had said she hadn't said that at all in the interview I agree it would be gaslighting. Monitor how interactions go with her from hereonin and keep paper trails of your communication with her, where possible.

Agree with others, they wanted you to check with them first. My team runs like this and I've only ever said no to one staff member (who was absolutely taking the piss with his requests!)

I feel for the staff with such bad communication from management 🙄

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Maybe your manager lied, maybe there's been a miscommunication, but this is absolutely not gaslighting.