AIBU to feel gaslit by my manager in my very early days at a new job?

[LoyalViper]

Started a new job recently. In our very first meeting, my manager told me that while there are set core hours, it's fine to adjust them as long as you let your team know in some way (she specifically said online status update is fine).

This morning I started early and posted a message in our team chat explaining I'd be leaving early accordingly, which was more than she'd said was necessary.

She then messaged me to say I should give her a heads up if I'm going to shift my hours during probation, and linked me to the policy page.
I replied saying I thought we'd discussed that adjusting my hours was fine as long as I let the team know, and asked if I'd misunderstood.
She immediately replied saying no, I'd understood correctly, it was her mistake for not being clearer.
For context, I've since checked the policy page she linked and it doesn't mention probation at all. It just says hours are flexible as long as you make up the time.

I felt a bit gaslit. And it's made me think back to something a colleague said to me in our very first catch up, completely unprompted: to make sure I always keep communication channels open with my manager. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I'm not sure what to make of it.

AIBU to feel unsettled by this, especially as someone who is neurodivergent and finds inconsistent information from people in authority genuinely stressful? Or am I reading too much into it?

If you're in probation it's likely because you shouldn't be working without a colleague around or they may have arranged training and catch ups for core hours

Yes you are massively overthinking it.

Manager made a mistake and apologised, someone prob said "oh can new employee do that in probation?" thats all. That isnt gaslighting.

Try to chill a bit. Managers make mistakes snd arent perfect and nothing you have said suggests she is difficult or micromanaging.

Talking of that, I can see a bit of Sigourney Weaver in your manager. Don't take any good ideas to her as she might pass them off as her own!

yeah I don't think you should post on the team chat without checking with your manager first, plus you probably need to give more notice.

You can't be serious.

In that case, I’d be a bit wary of her. Had a manager like that and once you do, you notice what they’re going to be like in other places quite quickly.

Give it a month while searching for something else. Best case, it is this one occasion, worst case it’s not but you could have something lined up.

You seem to be slightly stuck in the habitual emoji use. Very retro.

Oh I feel a bit silly I answered this in good faith. What a knob.

i’d have tested the waters after working core hours for two or three weeks and for the first time mentioned to my manager - in advance - that “referencing our previous convo about flexible hours i would be wanting to leave an hour early on tuesday (or whatever) so would like to come in an hour earlier”. and see what she said first.

sometimes we have to cover for each other to stay or go outwith core hours so it’s good being the new person to ask first so you understand the position.

misunderstandings like this shouldn’t happen because the manager should have been clearer and the policy should be available online or in a handbook provided so you can check it.

Nice misogynistic language OP

Don’t bother. The Karen woman is back. Same same every time. A person who seem very angry and bored.

I always check first even though we have this flexibility, it just feels like the courteous thing to do.

Oh,.I didn't read all the updates, what a strange thread

I wasn't born in the 80s but sounds like you're in a low paid low responsibility job. So yes you can move jobs quite a bit. There's only so long you can get away with this though as future employers will see that you were flitting from job to job and there is no good reason for this apart from you being a problem. You'll also never be able to progress in a role because no matter how 'high performing' you think you are, you won't be there long enough. You also need to be able to communicate effectively with staff, customers and stakeholders and you sound like a fucking nightmare. Simply being someone that is likeable and easy to work with gets you a long way. But yes, if you dont like it where you are then move. Noone cares

Does the OP remind anyone of the poster a wee while ago who was upset as bf hadn't organised proposal photos ? We were all too old to understand basically 😂

I started a new job last year and a big onus is on flexible working, work life balance etc and literally everyone worked in this way from day 1 all the way through 6 month probation.

However, if you've some self awareness you realise before you trot off on an early finish that you consider your colleagues too and dont all bugger off early leaving no one in the last hour. We're a small team and kind of know each other's preferences eg I'm always late finishes 2 days out of choice, 1 always starts early finishes by 4, 1 always does a long Friday as partner does childcare that day etc.

I think two things here suggest it's a you issue rather than a her issue.

1. New job, still in probation, not understanding you need to start from a deferential point of view/perspective until you've passed probation, got well established relationships with your manager/co workers and got your feet firmly under the table.

2. Using a trigger word like 'gaslit' about the first issue you come up with in your place of employment. Quite a juvenile term to use. You're a professional now. Level up.

It’s basic manners to let your manager/team know that you will be working different hours the next day, she did not gaslight you and if that makes me a Karen than so be it, you just sound like the current generation who thinks everything revolves around them

It's not unreasonable for your manager to want to know when you are going to be working in advance, particularly while you are on probation and may need more support. I would definitely at least have asked the first time to make sure it was OK.

Didn't see this comment. Absolutely a you problem! Grow up.

I had a similar issue in a new job quite a few years ago and I am also neurodivergent. In my case I had genuinely made a mistake but I thought I was following what I understood to be the rule. I don't think your manager is gaslighting but may not have tho8ght through how her turns of phrase might be understood differently by different people.

I suggest that the next couple of times you want to use the flexibile option you run it past the manager first "I'm planning to work 7:30-15:30 tomorrow, just wanted to check this is ok with you before I tell the restof the team" and then after she approves it, ask her directly whether it's ok for you to vary things in that way without checking with her in future. I suspect that the official company policy is that you just have to inforn the team but she feels uncomfortable supervising your probation with this in place and would perhaps rather you and she matched your working hoiurs with each other until the end of probation.

Ah OK. Is this someone who regularly posts Karen shit and thinks it will have everyone frothing? How very weird (and sad). Thought they sounded a bit thick, probably a 13 year old boy on half term

You're sounding more and more bonkers OP.

Good riddance to you. With your nasty misogynistic Karen calling and your bizarre Rachel Reeves name calling, you won't be missed.

Do come back and let us know how long you lasted in your new job though, as I expect it won't be long with a nasty attitude like yours.

The manager has poor communication skills and already admitted that, not OPs issue that a manager didn’t communicate a simple request in a reasonable way.

Whilst ‘gaslit’ does get thrown around a lot, I think in this situation it’s warranted, the manager tried to claim they’d set a boundary around an expectation during probation that they never explained, and isn’t backed up by the policy they shared - they’re trying to make OP question the facts she was given, so yes that is gaslighting in this context (to cover their own back).