AIBU to feel gaslit by my manager in my very early days at a new job?

[LoyalViper]

Started a new job recently. In our very first meeting, my manager told me that while there are set core hours, it's fine to adjust them as long as you let your team know in some way (she specifically said online status update is fine).

This morning I started early and posted a message in our team chat explaining I'd be leaving early accordingly, which was more than she'd said was necessary.

She then messaged me to say I should give her a heads up if I'm going to shift my hours during probation, and linked me to the policy page.
I replied saying I thought we'd discussed that adjusting my hours was fine as long as I let the team know, and asked if I'd misunderstood.
She immediately replied saying no, I'd understood correctly, it was her mistake for not being clearer.
For context, I've since checked the policy page she linked and it doesn't mention probation at all. It just says hours are flexible as long as you make up the time.

I felt a bit gaslit. And it's made me think back to something a colleague said to me in our very first catch up, completely unprompted: to make sure I always keep communication channels open with my manager. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I'm not sure what to make of it.

AIBU to feel unsettled by this, especially as someone who is neurodivergent and finds inconsistent information from people in authority genuinely stressful? Or am I reading too much into it?

You've doubled down on gaslighting with the Karen comment. You're in for it now 😆

This seems to be a simple miscommunication / misunderstanding situation. Labelling it being “gaslit” isn’t helpful. These things happen.

I have worked in many different companies and never in a place that feels like the army. This is very new to me (and I probably won't put up with it, because guess what, we're in 2026!)

Do core hours first, flexi time later on. You could speak to your manager in a 121 and ask them about this again, get them to clarify.

Giving your manager the heads up is polite, common courtesy. Wait until you've finished your probation period before you start doing this though unless there is a genuine need like a GP appointment.

@LoyalViper
have you left jobs in a huff regularly?

Astonishingly, the manager is a she!

@LoyalVipermaybe a gentle reminder that you are still on probation?
Accusing your manager of gaslighting over this is a red flag. Regardless of any policy it would have been basic good manners as a new employee to mention in advance that you would like to adjust your hours rather than present it as a done deed on the day.
And playing the ND card already for something so trivial doesn't bode well.
Suggest a bit of an attitude rethink if this is a job you're hoping to keep.

Off you go then. I thought the previous comment that you are unlikely to pass probation was a bit harsh but can now see what the TM is up against from your few posts and think this is very likely

Who, specifically, do you think is being a Karen?

Or examples of Karen behaviour?

I don't take the same umbridge at the term as others do, but I don't think people are confirming to the stereotype on this thread.

I also think it's a bit unusual for an ND person to misuse a specific term like Karen or gaslit.

I have worked in many different companies …..

I bet you have 😂

Don’t use the work gaslit during probation

She's not going to get any better. I'd like to think working mums in particular, would be understanding as managers, when it comes to flexi time. There seems to be an ego boost with some female managers and I'd never work for one again. Too much walking on egg shells when you can approach a male manager in a direct way. Suppose I'm going to be accused of internal misogyny now but that's how I see it.

I hope they don’t pass probation for the sake of their poor manager. I thought at first she might be at fault but this employee sounds like a potential nightmare.

Signed a gaslighting, trad 😁, old KAREN…

Oh dear. You used the Karen word too 🫣

Don't worry, I've always been a high performer. I will pass probation. Also, keep in mind the company also is on probation. It's a 2-way thing (well, in the modern world at least)

well keep us updated
sounds a rollercoaster

Sure Op
sure

The thing is, I can walk out and get 3 offers in other companies. You all seem to be stuck in the 80s 😂😂😂

how many days have you actually been there ?

This is embarrassing.

So why are you still using the term 'gaslighting' incorrectly?

I don’t think she’s gaslighting you. I think she made an assumption you’d check first.

Most people would assume that unless it is an emergency flexing hours should be prearranged so it doesn't clash with others who may also have to start and finish early.

She could have been clearer but you havent been gaslit.