AIBU to feel gaslit by my manager in my very early days at a new job?

[LoyalViper]

Started a new job recently. In our very first meeting, my manager told me that while there are set core hours, it's fine to adjust them as long as you let your team know in some way (she specifically said online status update is fine).

This morning I started early and posted a message in our team chat explaining I'd be leaving early accordingly, which was more than she'd said was necessary.

She then messaged me to say I should give her a heads up if I'm going to shift my hours during probation, and linked me to the policy page.
I replied saying I thought we'd discussed that adjusting my hours was fine as long as I let the team know, and asked if I'd misunderstood.
She immediately replied saying no, I'd understood correctly, it was her mistake for not being clearer.
For context, I've since checked the policy page she linked and it doesn't mention probation at all. It just says hours are flexible as long as you make up the time.

I felt a bit gaslit. And it's made me think back to something a colleague said to me in our very first catch up, completely unprompted: to make sure I always keep communication channels open with my manager. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I'm not sure what to make of it.

AIBU to feel unsettled by this, especially as someone who is neurodivergent and finds inconsistent information from people in authority genuinely stressful? Or am I reading too much into it?

It’s half term for many folks. Based on OP’s follow up posts I think we can safely say the manager (if there is one…) will hopefully be writing out the p45 already. It’s the rest of the team I feel for if this is genuine.

you have to earn their trust op

This. DH is neurodivergent and has landed in hot water not sussing out the actual environment not the theoretical environment as it is written down on paper.

Get to know the day to day culture on the ground, what people are actually doing and then once you figure that out you can deviate.

That and several other posts. One unhappy person in need of lashing out even if it’s to complete strangers on a forum (for all ages).

misunderstandings like this shouldn’t happen because the manager should have been clearer and the policy should be available online or in a handbook provided so you can check it.

Agree.

Ime, things like that were stated in the contract depending on the kind of work it is. It was something usually discussed beforehand and was written in the contract and once contract was signed, a copy emailed to you along with a pdf of policies and procedures and a login to the company employees’ site.

This again, if that’s how you’ve been interacting with colleagues no wonder you’re getting the response you are.
”Karen” is a lazy, misogynistic, pathetic slur.

That and too many laughing emojis.

Was going to answer the OP til I read all their responses. Just the comment about how easy they’d find walking into another job makes me feel this isn’t a good faith poster, never mind all the comments goading the other posters, so I’ve reported the thread.

On the off chance you’re genuine, all you need to do is ask your manager to confirm in writing (so you have the evidence) what the correct process is, ask if there’s a limited amount of times it’s acceptable to do this (eg maybe it’s fine once a week or maybe it’s only ok as a one off for an appointment etc) and confirm what the core hours are. Is there also a way to prove you started work at the time you did? Eg it’s very different logging on at 7am and immediately posting to say you’ve started early so will finish at 3pm today than it is to post at 10/11am and say “oh by the way, I started early so I’m finishing at 3pm” - some people might seeing this as the new person taking the piss if there’s nothing to show you were online at 7am… I’d highly recommend you keep a record of your working hours. I have a spreadsheet going back to 2010 (when our work place removed the clocking in machines that we would record TOIL, annual leave etc on) - it started as a set of columns with every date of the year down the side, and my holiday marked up on there, then I added another set of columns to record TOIL earned and taken. Last year I trialled a 10 days in 9 working pattern, so I added columns to record my start, finish and total working time so that I could make sure I was doing the hours, and it was clear which days I was off etc. I’ve kept this going despite no longer doing that (they increased us going into the office from 2 days a month to 2 days a week and I decided I didn’t want extra long days in the office) so that if anyone ever questions my hours, I can show them my start and finish times etc.

Thos post has made me realise how lucky I am - I haven’t even asked my manager about switching up the hours I do, I’ve just done it. Peri’s kicking my ass and I’ve gone from a night owl who struggled to wake up when the alarm went off, so someone waking up 1-3 hours before the alarm goes off. So I just started getting up earlier and logging on around 7am (I do try to wait til then, even when awake from 3.30am, because the main system I use is running its “night chain” until around 6:30am, but sometimes goes on til later - 7am is the earliest time it’s promised to be available. I did make a comment to him one time that I’m enjoying the earlier finishes as it means I can get done and out of the house at a decent time, he didn’t seem to have an issue with it, so I’m just cracking on with it. I’d hate to have to run it past him every time PLUS if I am actually able to stay asleep one day, I wouldn’t want to have agreed I’m starting at 7am then miss the start time!

Tbf you do get new employees like this. Manager makes one mistake or comment, new employee loses their mind and everyone has to walk on eggshells (until they are let go of course, which is usually pretty quick 😂)

Then everyone breathes a sigh of relief and forgets their name after a week.

I would have ran it by her first while on probation rather than announce it on teams.
Is the role flexitime or just easy going if you need to shift around, even flexitime is monitored in approved in many jobs.

unless they work where i work and management just cannot let people go!
stressful all around

I'm an autistic, older woman. The workplace can be really difficult for me and other autistic people to navigate . You sound really unkind and ageist. You are giving neurodivergent people a bad name in the workplace , when all some of us want to do is fit in and work.

I think so many people see these buzzwords and leap to using them to make themselves sound “intelligent”.

it has the opposite effect

Like the muppets that use myself when they mean me for example.

Why do you assume I'm young 🤔 this is actually quite ageist. Also I've never had issues in the workplace unlike what everyone else assumes. Honestly, check yourselves out people before accusing others of stuff... Or look at yourself in a mirror at least.

I'll close this post because this is a complete waste of my time and energy

Every time I see a negative or unkind comment on a thread recently, it seems to be from you. Are you okay?

Life can be hard enough without making it harder for each other. I just wonder what makes someone choose to spend so much time putting other people down.

I'm also not a native English speaker... Ah privilege, privilege....

Why is me saying I can walk out and get another job easily making my post not genuine 🤔 I work in Tech, I've always switched jobs very easily.

You certainly know how to use insulting language so I would say that you are fluent in English. 😅

ah the old trad MN admins have deleted your posts now OP - perhaps they are gaslighting you as well

If I were new, I would be waiting to see what the team culture is before doing anything. Do others work the fixed hours? Do others send a message on Teams if they are leaving early? Etc. Or ask the manager if you are unsure. I can’t imagine sending a message on Teams saying “I’m leaving early” as the new person, without knowing that it’s okay to do so.

I assumed you were quite young as you made reference to mumsnetters being older and Karens being older. You have got those posts deleted now that people have pointed that out to you . Anyway, maybe wait until your probation is over.

The job market these days is extremely competitive to say the least. Most people say how hard it is to find work.

Your responses calling people old and “Karen’s”, but then say you’re older yourself, just make you look like you’re on a wind up.

Insulting language? You feeling insulted doesn't mean I insulted you. A bit like me feeling gaslit apparently doesn't mean I was gaslighted ☺️ just saying ...

But how can you feel gaslit, if you don't even know what it means?

Don't overthink it OP.
You did what you were told was OK, and then it turned out it was just that she didn't explain it properly and then mentioned it to clarify.
I would just say OK gotcha and then give a heads up next time.