I think my DH is jealous of my Adult children (that aren’t his)

[Blondiebeachbabe]

Me and my DH get on pretty well most of the time. But I think he’s jealous of my relationship with my adult kids! I hardly see them too. One is 40 miles away and the other lives in Australia.

Two months ago, we hired a van and moved my son into a new apartment. My husband was the only person who could drive the van. He had a long face the whole day and made us feel very indebted to him for driving. Why can’t he do it with a good heart?

My daughter is back from Australia right now, only for four days for a wedding, and we are meeting for breakfast on Monday. I offered to drive them to the airport after breakfast, as it is en route to our way home. The only way that we could do this is to take 2 Cars. Well, my husband has hit the roof! Telling me that I’m a joke and unreasonable . I don’t even really know why he is angry.

I’m just so exhausted with the competition. We don’t have sex anymore (his decision). It’s so sad because I am in love with him, but this is such a turn off that part of me just wants him to leave. He has stormed off to bed and I’m feeling so lost.

Oh mate. You are worth so much more.

He doesn’t respect you. Doesn’t appreciate you. Doesn’t support you. Doesn’t fancy you. Doesn’t sound like he even likes you.

What is it about you that that has led you to think that’s good enough for you? Get him out. Reflect on your choices. Do not be persuaded by his protests when he realises he’s losing his support human. You don’t need to be skivvying for a man to be worth something.

Swearing at someone repeatedly in a relationship and getting in their face is emotional abuse. As is trying to create separation between them and their loved ones.

You children will be picking up on this and if you stay with him, they’ll slowly choose to see even less of you. Especially if kids come along.

You'd be better off leaving him and concentrating on your kids. He’s a horrible man and doesn’t deserve you in the slightest.

I do question why you’re willingly doing all the household chores and treating him like a king though - especially when he’s shown nastiness towards you. Why are your expectations on a partner so low that you accept it? You deserve much more.

Why on earth are you with this abusive, POS, insecure man-child? What does he bring to your life?! Leave for goodness sake.

Contrasting your situation with mine... My DH came into our lives when my children were early/mid twenties and neither of them were living at home. That was 20 years ago.

He loves my children as his own (he also has a daughter who does not live near), he loves my grandchildren as his own and he would do anything for them. My children and grandchildren adore him. They have their own father, but I think they actually feel closer to my DH as although their father is a good man who helps out a lot, he is not as consistently reliable as my DH and he has his own issues which means he needs support himself. My children and grandchildren adore my DH.

One of my children lives 6 hours away and comes to stay for a few days about 4 times a year. My DH looks forward to it and does lots of little things to spoil and help her and her child. The other one lives locally and my DH regularly picks up one of her children from an activity, sometimes 4 times a week! Yes, he grumbles about it but he does it anyway. Both of my children know that if they need help they just have to ask him, and they will do that direct rather than through me.

I don't think we would have lasted if he had been jealous or resentful of my children. I'm fact I know we wouldn't. He is very aware that my children and grandchildren are immensely important to me, and they are important to him as well. When I read the title of your post I asked him whether he was ever jealous of my children and he said absolutely not!

That is my situation, and how I feel. It does not mean that that is how you should feel - only you know that.

You are very mistaken there unfortunately your husband is entitled to 50% of
the house even though you live in Scotland! Don’t know where you got the idea he isn’t?

Report the domes abuse to police police and then change the locks and chuck him out - only way to get him out. You’ll either have to sell the house and give him 50% of pay him the amount it’s worth half of though as legally the law is he’s entitled to the house as it’s an asset too

He would only get the opportunity to call me that once! Especially ily when added to the rest of his childish behaviour. What exactly do you get out of this relationship?

I’d bet my last quid he’s the reason OP barely sees her kids and is a factor in why her DD is staying with her in-laws and they’re only going for breakfast when she LIVES in Australia.

I’m glad you said you’re done OP. He isn’t jealous of your kids, he hates you, and them, and everyone knows it but you. I promise you’ve no idea the peace you’ll feel when he’s out and the dust is settled, although I presume it won’t be easy as he’s clearly only there because you’re providing for him.

What does that mean in practise @Blondiebeachbabe ?

Fair enough that you don't want to be with him for several reasons. But I wonder if you actually ask him to help your children, giving him the chance to say no, and do the DC thank him afterwards . I have been annoyed with my partner assuming I am always ready to do things for his adult DC just because he is always ready. A whole day driving a van is a big ask.

I’m so good to him too. He came in tonight to a lovely dinner, all handed to him while he just sat there. I’ve made his lunch for tomorrow. I’ve also cooked him sausages to heat in the microwave for breakfast. I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry.

what the hell must your kids think OP as they see / know you martyr yourself for him day in and day out

Scottish law is different.
If the house was purchased by the OP before they married in her name alone he is NOT entitled to 50% of it.
He may be entitled to some of the value increase since marriage depending on the length of marriage.

2 divorces I know off :-

Friend divorced and bought ex out as both names were on deeds.
Family member owned a house before marriage. Married a couple of years (separated after a year) and house value had gone up slightly but court awarded nothing to ex as marriage was deemed short.

Sounds like he’s got one foot out the door, especially if he’s not wanting action. YANBU - he doesn’t sound very pleasant to be around, OP.

He was in your face calling you a what now? Get rid of him, that is aggressive behaviour for what? Because he doesn’t want to take two cars. Man child.

Crap @Nearly50omg

Utter crap

length of marriage is relevant just for starters

Don’t you think you’d see a lot more of your adult dc if it wasn’t for him? Every time they see him he’s a miserable fucker and he’s behaving that way so you’ll cut your contact.
I better he’d never dream of visiting your daughter in Australia?
Have they lived with him? How old were they when you met? Pleased to hear you’re done. Your kids are more important than this life sucker

Stop waiting in him.

That’s not just being grumpy, that is abuse. You should leave.

It's horrible he's calling you names like that, has he always done it or is it getting worse x

a lovely dinner, all handed to him while he just sat there. I’ve made his lunch for tomorrow. I’ve also cooked him sausages to heat in the microwave for breakfast. I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry

Why do you do all that?
This is not a rhetorical question. You need to think long and hard about why you do this.
Is it to try and make him love you?
Or
Is it because this is the role you want to have for yourself: devoted wife to a wonderful husband? Someone to lavish all your love and care on?
There is nothing wrong with you being that way - except that you have chosen the wrong man.
Get rid of him and get a pet to saturate with all your love.

Start showing him and to yourself you don’t need him, visit your children alone, I’m sure they pick up on his hostility anyway?