To have done a job interview at 20 weeks pregnant and not disclosed

[Kinekia]

I’m 25 weeks pregnant.

My original manager knew from 6 weeks in January as HG (severe morning sickness) kicked in at 6 weeks and I ended up on the sick for 2 months. After 2 months I returned as I’d found a medication protocol that allowed
me to get back to normality. I worked in an entry level customer service role. They have dozens of staff so my pregnancy didn’t really affect the team that much.

An internal role came up within the business in March. It would essentially be a promotion. Pay rise, more responsibilities (but generally nicer hours and less front-line customer contact, which is a huge bonus), no weekends, smaller team. I applied expecting nothing to come of it. I surprisingly got invited for an interview in April. I was 20 weeks when I interviewed. I had pondered over whether to disclose the pregnancy at the interview. This internal department is in a different part of the building to where I worked so they don’t know me at all. And my line manager at the time confirmed they wouldn’t tell them about the pregnancy and that it was up to me when I disclose. This job role that had come up was something I’ve desired to get into ever since joining the company, and I really wanted to give it my best shot, so I decided not to disclose, as was my legal right.

I interviewed at 20 weeks in April and felt I hid the bump well. We clicked really well at interview and they really liked me. They asked about pre-booked holidays etc. they then asked “Is there anything else we need to know about?” and I cheerfully said “no”. I felt awful about this at the time but on the other hand, as I said, I wanted them to review me as a candidate fairly without just being seen as “the pregnant candidate”.

Middle of May I got offered the role and accepted. The call where they offered the role was very rushed as they were snowed under, and I didn’t get chance to disclose the pregnancy as she said “Right I’ll be in touch when I’ve got a start date I need to go now, take care!” and abruptly hung up.

The next day (my final day before 17 days of annual leave) I messaged the new manager asking if she had time for a call and she never replied. I wanted to disclose the pregnancy then. I then went on the pre-booked
holiday and still didn’t have a start date.

Came back from my holiday and returned to work 26th May after the bank holiday and went to sit in my usual part of the office and got pulled away by my new manager, taken to their department and told I’m starting straight away. By this point I’m 25 weeks so I had to tell them. It was all quite rushed and they’ve been off with me ever since. Nobody has said anything but they aren’t friendly with me like they have been prior and at one point I was asked why I hadn’t disclosed at interview. They exclude me from friendly chat and I have to ask them what they want me to be doing with my time and my training.

I do feel awful for inconveniencing them but I don’t think I did anything wrong by not disclosing at interview. I had intended to tell them earlier than when I did but I just never got the right moment. I thought we’d have a time to sit down together and go through contracts etc and I would’ve mentioned it then but this never happened.

I have seen there is another woman on the team who is pregnant and due to go on leave so I suspect they had intended me to take over from her and that is why they are pissed off. They hadn’t told me this at interview though. Ironically I’m actually due before this other woman so I can see why they are fuming but legally I’ve not done anything wrong. It does prove that if I’d have disclosed at interview they probably would’ve not hired me and would’ve made up a non-pregnancy related reason to justify it.

Am I am awful employee? I’m concerned that my relationship with my managers will never recover from this and it’s a shame as I really have a huge interest in this role and have every intention of going back full-time after mat leave.

They should have advertised a maternity leave cover position then. The OP wouldn’t have applied for it if that’s what they’d said from the outset because she’d have known she wouldn’t be able to commit to that.

IMO it is duplicitous. Barely acceptable if you are going to be employed by a big company with hundreds of employees but totally out of order if you're interviewing for a job with a small company.

On the plus side, there may be movement within the team while you are off, so you won't necessarily come back to,the same people.

One of my maternity covers took 3 months of shared parental leave while I was off. It wasn't even a consideration as to hiring him. Of course he was a man so considered very enlightened for taking leave, instead of a drain on resources.

Congratulations op, enjoy your baby and settle in properly to the role when you get back after

Yes it’s shitty for the team but who cares? It’s not your problem, you need to look after number one. They’re your colleagues, not your friends. Now you’re going into mat leave with a pay rise, good for you. Shark eat shark!

The fact that you are pregnant should have no bearing on their decision to hire you or not. If it was a factor in any way that would be discrimination.

You have done nothing wrong. Power on!

Life happens. It is at worst an annoying inconvenience but one they will be able to sort. Anyone can get sick, have an accident, have a family emergency etc which requires time off at short notice. My friend got cancer and had to immediately leave her job for treatment for a year. Sometimes things like this happen and it’s gets resolved.

There are posts ( like @PeachySmile2) that make me so so SO grateful I am old and don't have to work with such people.

Now that you mention shared parental leave, it might be worth discussing with DP. It would certainly be a way for me to redeem myself with my new managers if I can return a bit earlier. It would show I’m taking my career seriously and help get me back in good stead with the company. Of course I don’t know how I’ll feel about shared parental leave once meeting my baby.

DP is fab and would be up for the time with the baby but his working environment is very “blokey” and I know for a fact his manager would be an arse and make jokes about daddy daycare and him going soft and being under the thumb by “the missus”…but that’s another thread

I would try for another one while on maternity leave. Then come back and tell them you’re pregnant again. Hehe. Watch their faces then.

Crushed23
You behaved rationally.
All those on the thread moralising about how you ‘inconvenienced’ your new team don’t live in the real world.

Well right now there’s going to be a person that will have the first pregnant employee’s work foisted on them as he aren’t going to approve another person being hired. That’s the real world.

Saying that I don’t have a ‘side’ in this, I think there’s too many different issues here, op lied, she covered up, an employer is looking for someone they can trust and lying negates that but I also think op wouldn’t have gotten the job if she’d disclosed and that’s not fair especially as she sounds fairly sensible and they thought her right for the job. Sorry you’re having to worry about this op

You did nothing wrong. They would have discriminated against you clearly if they had known. You were the right person for the job long term and this is a great opportunity for you. They can get a temp mat cover pretty easily I'm sure. They didn't interview you for that role. If they continue to be shitty with you when you're back from mat leave id take it higher. Congratulations on your pregnancy and your job!!

I reacted to pregnancy so much differently than I thought I would. I’d assumed I’d want to be very part-time and be at home with baby as much as possible. When we started TTC we agreed we’d look for me to be very part-time.

But getting pregnant has made me suddenly want a career and to have financial stability and be able to give our little family nice things. I’m more interested in work than ever! I think it comes from childhood trauma of poverty, sometimes missing meals, bailiffs at the door, being anxious about losing our home etc.

I want to be able to buy a house for baby to inherit, want them to grow up without financial anxiety, to be able to have hobbies and pay for them to go to clubs, I want to save money for them.

I think the need to build a career is all coming from a desire to do the best for my baby this is what has made me become a bit selfish and dog eat dog in regards to going for this promotion. I’m usually quite shy and don’t put myself in situations which could lead to upset or confrontation. I think my maternal instructs have just manifested themselves in a way I hadn’t expected and it’s led to this situation.

Of course this is all irrelevant to the inconvenience I’ve caused my workplace, I’m just explaining my logic

This.

It's why women are often discriminated against and men often favoured. Whether or not it should be this way, someone who just wants the job done will prefer to just get the job done without having to arrange maternity cover for the maternity cover.

Congrats on your pregnancy and your promotion.

Everyone posting here knows that if OP had disclosed her pregnancy, it may have changed the outcome of the interview, intentionally or otherwise, and that's exactly why OP didn't disclose it. If she didn't take the opportunity now, it wpuld have been pushed back years.

I work in a very male dominated environment.
About 7 years ago, there was a promotion coming up on a team I worked on.
1 women and 4 men invited to interview.
The day before the interview the lady involved came into my office and say there's something I want to tell you and get your advice on.
I just said, are you sure you don't want to tell me in 2 weeks time. She understood.

It was as clear as day to anyone with any half a clue, that she was about 3 months pregnant at the time.
She did her interview.
She got the job.
She was the best candidate by far.
She told them when she was handing in her signed contract.

I was even asked by the interview panel afterwards if I knew but they quickly dropped it when I said, no but would it have made a difference if I did.

She came back after maternity leave and is fantastic at her job.

It's not the OPs fault if companies don't have contingency plans in place. Illness, breavement, death, resignations happen all the time. That's life.

You've done nothing wrong OP. You did the best thing for you and your child and if people have an issue with it, that's their problem not yours.

As someone who was pretty blatantly discriminated against when pregnant (pre-agreed progression / promotion withheld and all criteria to achieve it changed / extended), you did the right thing. My (now ex!) employer was able to behave this way because I disclosed before I legally had to, in a bout of naïveté an attempt to be helpful and collegiate; if I’d kept quiet my pregnancy would’ve been a lot less stressful!

I can understand the managers being annoyed, but they should be professional. Like others have said, talk to ACAS and keep records, but hopefully they’ll get past their immediate reactions soon, remember how much they liked you at interview, and you can build on that.

I think you did them a favour - you didn't give them the opportunity to break the law and discriminate against you. That has kept your employer safe from a discrimination case and the horrible publicity that can follow.

@Kinekia You have probably harmed your chances of being successful in the interview by not disclosing that you are pregnant. I know 4 women who are recent mothers, or soon-to-be mothers, who have progressed very rapidly in their career.

Interviewers are biased and favour mothers because there is a misconception that parents are more "put together," "grown up," and "in control" compared to childless people. This is the reason why parents progress further in their careers compared to single and childless people.

I wouldn't disagree with any of your examples BananaPeels. But I already know that you work for a big company, with an HR department. I work for a tiny SME, that doesn't. There's no HR at all here. The office manager does some of the procurement and the invoicing; she books all the accommodation for onsite projects, organises all the training, and deals with the payroll and pension fund and and and ad infinitum. Our office is one person who organises everything for the four people who bring in the bacon.

We can sue if our colleagues aren’t as friendly as we want?! 🤑🤑🤑🤑

We had this when I was a bid manager. A woman was trained up but went on maternity leave just before she was due to manage her first bid on her own.

When she came back she had to be retrained all over again as she'd never actually done any of the stuff she'd been trained on. She then announced she was pregnant again just when they felt she was finally ready to start a bid in earnest.

It got to the point where she'd been there something like two years and still not managed a bid. She had a company car all along and all the perks, and she had to be trained a third time when she got back. She then left to do the same job elsewhere still having not actually managed a bid. 🤣

I think when they asked why you didn't mention it in interview your answer should have been I thought it was obvious I was pregnant and you knew from my manager or similar so it didn't seem so intentional

Please, pretty please MNHQ, could we have a disapproval emoji?

I was honest when asked why I hadn’t mentioned it at interview and said I wanted to wait until things were in writing. I’ve got the outcome I wanted - the job. Now is time to start redeeming myself rather than digging the hole further. I understand what you mean though.

Are you suggesting she should have quit, had no income and been out of work during her time having babies?

If you're being fucked over as you say by a single employee acting in total legality, then I'd say your business model is pretty rubbish