to think DM is unfair to ban the twins from visiting?

[timetoban]

My sister has four children: an 6-year-old, a 5-year-old and 2-year-old twins.
The older two are easy visitors. They tend to sit quietly, chat a bit and spend a lot of time on their screens. The twins, however, are typical two-year-olds. They run around, make noise, have the occasional tantrum and create a bit of mess.
DM is very house-proud and likes everything neat, tidy and pristine.

She has become increasingly irritated by the twins whenever they visit. She complains that they don't sit nicely, don't behave properly and are too noisy. Personally, I think her expectations of two-year-olds are unrealistic.

The latest development is that she has told DSis that the twins are no longer welcome at her house. She says DSis can bring the older two, but not the younger ones.

The problem is that DSis's husband works long hours and isn't always available to stay home with the twins. So in practice, this means DSis often can't visit at all, or has to choose between seeing DM and staying with her younger children.

DM says it's her house and she's entitled to decide who comes into it. DSis feels hurt that two of her children have effectively been singled out and excluded.

Your mother doesn't cope well with young children, they're obviously too much for her even when she was younger as a parent, she probably hated those years and only really started to enjoy you and your sister as adults.
She has tried to cope with the grandchildren but I'm not surprised she has drawn this line considering what I can about her personality and prefrences.
I don't think it's nice to ban children but I think she has to do what's best for herself.
I get the impression she won't be bothered about not seeing your sister or the other grandchildren much, her priority is her peace.

At least you know where people stand.

How does my sister take them when they have be banned?

It’s not impossible for 2 year olds to sit relatively quietly for a short period of time.

Do you have or have you had 2 year old twins?

Try reading my posts. It really does help.

That is for your sister to work out - also the noise. Does she take (non noisy) toys for them? What sort of mess do they make?

I guess she will have to figure out how to ensure they do not make a noise or sound then.

Totally realistic for 2 year old twins 🙄

As I said try reading my posts. It really does help.

One person’s mess/chaos/havoc is another person’s three toys on the floor!

i don’t think you need to get so defensive when people are asking you things. What sort of mess do they make?

And there is a difference between kids making normal noise and having noisy toys, screaming etc.

Which is why I asked what kind of noise and mess they are making

Do you have no experience of 2 year olds? My sister is constantly trying to keep the twins quiet and occupied whenever she visits DM. She cannot bandage their mouths and force them too play without a mess 100% of the time.

No defensiveness just amazed at your expectations of 2 year old twins.

Obviously, she’s rude and in the wrong so she could even have all four grandchildren at hers or she can go to sister’s house and see them there

Or third option, not see her grandchildren at all she can’t split them

She does not want to go to anyone's house. All visits have to be made to her. She does not want to go to the park either.

I’m not expecting anything. I asked what kind of mess as there’s a difference between toys lying around and breaking something.

Why are you being so defensive when people are just asking questions?

People just want to know if your DM is overreacting to normal noise and mess.

Why don’t you want to reply to this?

No defensiveness just amazed at your expectations of 2 year old twins.

I explained I’m not expecting anything. Why won’t you clarify what sort of mess and noise? Perhaps if you can answer then people have a better idea of how unreasonable your mother is being

There is a real lack of emotional intelligence in some on this thread. Some posters can only see family dynamics in a black and white way; it’s quite fascinating.

It doesn’t help that the OP is just saying that everyone is expecting too much without actually clarifying what they are doing.

Here you go for those who are unfamiliar with 2 year olds:

Noise: twins talking in normal tone, sometimes the odd shriek if they get excited.

Mess: building blocks that go beyond more than 1 metre square radius. If the twins drop a soft toy here and there. If they drop toys as they are walking around.

Is there any Neuro divergence in your family OP?

Thank you for clarifying - there was no need to be so snarky about it though. Do you not see there is quite a spectrum of ‘mess’ between reasonable and unreasonable?

Nobody is expecting anything of the kids. Are you the ‘sister’ as you appear to be really angry about it