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AIBU?

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AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

305 replies

Marooney · Today 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
ccccccccc · Today 12:20

So sorry to hear about this @Marooney, it happened to me years ago. I left my engagement ring by the sink in the kitchen and couldn't find it after we'd had turf delivered. I spoke to the police who said there wasn't really anything they could do as I couldn't prove what had happened and I could just have lost it down the plughole or whatever. I just put it down to me being stupid to leave it out, though I was obviously really sad about it.

Marooney · Today 12:21

BIossomtoes · Today 12:16

Nobody’s infallible and we all have absent minded moments. I’d put money on him picking it up and not remembering. He needs to check his pockets and car.

Honestly he realised soon after leaving that he hadn’t taken it and looked for it as soon as he got back- my OP was wrong, it was just that it took him till Wednesday to mention it to me.

OP posts:
SuziQuinto · Today 12:21

MagicMarkers · Today 12:06

Or wiping your toothbrush on their arses as speculated in a recent thread.

I know! It's crazy, the hate and suspicion of tradesmen.

Dogmum74 · Today 12:21

as others have said, it is far far more likely that your DP has put it somewhere else. I really cannot see one of the workmen taking it. That said, if you are adamant then go ahead and ask, although neither will admit it, and the police will do nothing as you have zero evidence. Perhaps lesson to self to not leave things laying around that are valuable when you have people you don’t know in the house?

Marooney · Today 12:23

ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 12:01

He clearly doesn’t, the whole issue arose after he forgot the ring and didn’t notice until the following day it was gone

He did actually notice very quickly, read my updates. He forgot in the morning because he leaves at 5.30 a.m and it wasn’t urgent!

OP posts:
Venicelagoon · Today 12:23

The post where someone has given you some suitable words to say to Bob is excellent. You could also give the impression you are now short of money because you will have to replace it. Sit and cry in front of them too.

ElixirOfLife · Today 12:23

If you didn’t see it you may have brushed it off the table. Picked it up with a pile of towels etc. You need to be pretty sure it’s not dropped or moved

hypnovic · Today 12:24

I woukd assume hubs moved it without remembering really unlikely someone will ruin their business for a ring

Marooney · Today 12:25

AmberTigerEyes · Today 11:32

They have ring footage showing it never exited via the front door.
Id report it as accidental loss

Right but it could have exited via the living room garden door

OP posts:
FlapperFlamingo · Today 12:25

I would tell Bob - especially with the extra info that it was his assistant’s last day. Did the assistant go to the loo whilst you were out by any chance? Maybe he had a quick scout round - I suggest that as he’d need to explain why he was going into the house to Bob. What a nuisance and expensive too.

Zov · Today 12:26

We had some workmen in doing a job or us some 10 years ago, (and we left them in the house for half an hour at one point,) and something quite valuable went missing from our divan drawer under the double bed.

We noticed it missing 2 days later, as DH was going to sell it on Ebay. (It had been in said divan drawer for about a month.) It was worth about £1100-£1200. He said only the workmen could have taken it, and picked up the phone to call the police, I said 'for goodness sake at least have a good look for it first!' He said 'I know where it was blah blah blah!' His face turning red with anger.

Long story short, I had a hunt under the bed, and pulled the divan drawers out, and it was under the bed! DH had shoved some magazine in the drawer, and it had pushed the item out.

Imagine what a massive twat he would have looked, and the bad feeling he would have caused with the company whose men we had employed?! (Not to mention wasting police time!)

tl;dr proceed with caution @Marooney your engagement ring may have dropped/fallen behind something!

I have to say, I find it borderline farcical that you think it couldn't POSSIBLY be your partner who has mislaid it!

If you are soooo sure it's the workmen who have stolen it then call the police. Be prepared to have egg on your face though!

Dogmum74 · Today 12:27

Marooney · Today 11:49

We have contents insurance but it won’t cover theft if there’s no forced entry!

Well obviously you are not going to say theft to the insurance company!!! 1) that would be stupid and 2) you don’t actually know it has been stolen. Also - how much is the ring worth considering it is now second hand? My engagement ring cost £4k and I had a brown diamond eternity ring at £5k and I got £600 for the pair. They are not worth what you think

Marooney · Today 12:27

Delphiniumandlupins · Today 10:55

I would definitely raise it with them, probably on the morning of their last day, and suggesting you or DP might have dropped it outside. Gives them time to 'find' it, if it has been one of them. Search very thoroughly first and accept they won't work for you again.

Well they won’t have it on them now, it’s probably already sold or pawned

OP posts:
Marooney · Today 12:31

Zov · Today 12:26

We had some workmen in doing a job or us some 10 years ago, (and we left them in the house for half an hour at one point,) and something quite valuable went missing from our divan drawer under the double bed.

We noticed it missing 2 days later, as DH was going to sell it on Ebay. (It had been in said divan drawer for about a month.) It was worth about £1100-£1200. He said only the workmen could have taken it, and picked up the phone to call the police, I said 'for goodness sake at least have a good look for it first!' He said 'I know where it was blah blah blah!' His face turning red with anger.

Long story short, I had a hunt under the bed, and pulled the divan drawers out, and it was under the bed! DH had shoved some magazine in the drawer, and it had pushed the item out.

Imagine what a massive twat he would have looked, and the bad feeling he would have caused with the company whose men we had employed?! (Not to mention wasting police time!)

tl;dr proceed with caution @Marooney your engagement ring may have dropped/fallen behind something!

I have to say, I find it borderline farcical that you think it couldn't POSSIBLY be your partner who has mislaid it!

If you are soooo sure it's the workmen who have stolen it then call the police. Be prepared to have egg on your face though!

For a start the ring is in a chunky white box so not easy to slip behind something. I appreciate why people are saying my partner mislaid it but I know that’s not the case as he realised quickly he didn’t have it and noticed as soon as he came home that it wasn’t there (yes slightly different to my OP, I just got him to clarify)

OP posts:
PinkPerpetue · Today 12:32

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · Today 09:57

I’d be surprised if workmen took it to be honest.

A carpenter took jewellery from my bedroom.
ETA: I contacted the police and turned out he had a history of burglary. I didn’t get the items back as he likely shifted them mighty fast

DinoLil · Today 12:33

I wouldn't accuse anyone without evidence.

Strange story but my DM gave me a ring that DGF had gifted DGM. I wore it every day, took it off at night and put it on the bedside cabinet. One morning it wasn't there. I pulled the room apart trying to find it. No sign of it. Several years later, I moved house. The removal people came and went and I got to cleaning the empty rooms. I put down that carpet freshener in my bedroom, carried on about the house. I went back to vacuum up the powder stuff and what was in the middle of the floor? Yep, the ring.

Never accuse anyone unless you are 100%. Odd things happen.

Marooney · Today 12:34

Something strange- this is from the day in question, the assistant walking out with something under his t-shirt! Obviously too big to be the ring but makes me wonder if he’s stolen other things

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?
OP posts:
Eddielizzard · Today 12:35

You could ask Bob about his assistant casually - how long have they worked together? Do they work together a lot? When Bob asks why, cos he will, say you've lost an engagement ring and you've searched high and low. You know it's not Bob, but he might want to keep an eye on lightfingers on other jobs.

ginasevern · Today 12:36

Have you looked absolutely everywhere and ruled out all other possibilities OP? I'm reminded of the episode of Ghosts where Alison's engagement ring goes missing. But it is also naive to assume that workmen never steal anything, they're just as honest or crooked as the next man.

Owly11 · Today 12:37

DP probably lost it. Leave it to him to sort out.

Sheeppig · Today 12:38

Years back we were having a lot of work done on our old house with several different trades in the house at once so it was hard to keep count. During that period a couple of small, expensive items went missing. I didn’t suspect the workmen tbh but there was a guy who turned up a few times delivering stuff to them. I remember thinking he was all over the house (when he didn't need to be) and am pretty sure he took them. They never did turn up even when we stripped the house to move out. I regret not saying anything at the time.

Marooney · Today 12:38

Eddielizzard · Today 12:35

You could ask Bob about his assistant casually - how long have they worked together? Do they work together a lot? When Bob asks why, cos he will, say you've lost an engagement ring and you've searched high and low. You know it's not Bob, but he might want to keep an eye on lightfingers on other jobs.

Thanks yes this is my plan, but it won’t help get the ring back. The assistant may be a casual labourer who’s already disappeared anyway

OP posts:
fantam · Today 12:39

Dying to know how much the ring is worth.

It is in the house somewhere. Ask me how I know...

TFImBackIn · Today 12:39

That's definitely a sus photo, isn't it? He's holding something under his T-shirt.

I hope you get it sorted out. I'd check the local jewellery and pawn shops and look on Facebook and Gumtree etc.

StrictlyCoffee · Today 12:40

If you think it’s been stolen then call the police

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