AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

Very difficult situation. Those who are saying the workmen didn’t take it - how can you be so sure? They might have taken it, the OP’s DP might have knocked or lost it, who knows.

When my db was hospitalised, his cleaner was due the next day. She has a key as he’s usually at work. She took the opportunity to steal £400 from a drawer that has been put there the night before, because db hadn’t had time to bank it. He had told her there was cash in the drawer and to take the money he owed her (£100) and so she decided to take the lot. And she didn’t do any cleaning and she quit. I found out the next day as I was getting something for him and he asked me to check the money. He was paying her cash in hand so likely she’s a tax cheat anyway. Later he found out that she was fired from a coffee shop for stealing. So it was 100% her.

Not if you leave something valuable by an unlocked door

If you do say something, this is definitely the sort of phrasing I’d also use.

If they did take it, I reckon they’re more likely to return it if they can pretend that they’ve helpfully “found” it.

But of course your DH may have moved it himself, so search everywhere.

How would they have known it was there to take?

I agree with letting them know it's missing and ask them to look out for it.

You need to properly search for it before accusing anybody of taking it. Just because your DH thinks he left it on the table doesn’t mean he couldn’t have put it somewhere else. Just because neither you or your DH remember moving it doesn’t mean you couldn’t have done it absent mindedly or on auto-pilot. Search the house. Check in pockets and bags in case one of you did pick it up without registering it to your memory. Only if you can be completely sure it’s not in the house should you even consider raising it.

If you don’t feel unable to confront the workmen directly, perhaps you could ask your partner to ring you while you’re within earshot of them - you could say what @Looking4Summer has suggested, and mention looking through the ring doorbell footage etc so they can hear you. And then you can also ask them to help you keep an eye out after you’re done with the phone call.

Small boxes get moved and mixed up easily, I’d be loath to accuse without proof too.

But the engagement ring was in the house. So there are Ring cameras not covered entrances to the house, while you have builders in the garden - there's your single point of failure. :)

My mum was telling everyone a workman stole her jewellery. She then found it in her wardrobe. So be careful.

But it would maybe rule out if anyone else came to the front door eg postman, delivery guys, a neighbour etc.

If the front door was locked then OP could rule these out straight away but it wasn’t.

They have ring footage showing it never exited via the front door.
Id report it as accidental loss

I think this is a great approach!
You need to say something and this gives them the opportunity to return it, but as other posters have said, they would be pretty stupid to take it knowing that you will notice and that there’s no one else who could have done so!
I think there’s a strong chance your husband has put it somewhere for safekeeping too.

I think this is a good option. You are not accusing anyone and if it turns up no harm done!

Oh my goodness, how are people not understanding this very simple situation??

Ring doorbell covers the outside front door. OP HAS looked at this and confirmed no strangers have let themselves into the house

The workmen are coming and going via side passage (and presumably have access to house via back door BUT have no reason to come inside.

The ring was put by the front door in the hallway ready to be taken for readjusting.

OP doesn’t have a camera on the back door or inside in the hallway.

A good suggestion OP is to do as previous poster said and imply you think DH has lost it and ask them to keep an eye out and IMPLY you don’t want to have to trawl through all your home cameras to see where it might have been put (despite not actually having an cameras). It may panic whoever has taken it (if they have) and you find it ‘reappears’

Has he checked with the shop that he didn't drop it off? Or he didn't put it by the door, he would have seen it and not forgotten to pick it up. He needs to retrace his steps what did he do exactly, put the ring in the box in what room? Walked through which rooms? Picked anything else up? Talked to anyone where? etc, etc.

If the workmen don't come into the house how can one of them have stolen it? And it would be so obvious. If it had been stolen from the back of a drawer where hopefully no one would realise it had gone for a long time is one thing, off a hall table would be too stupid.

I was convinced our cleaner had accidentally hoovered up one of DD’s rings that she couldn’t find and was (apparently) last seen in the kitchen. I didn’t say anything cos it wasn’t expensive and she may not have seen it if it had fallen on the floor etc.

Some time later (after dispatching MIL to secure a duplicate without success!), it turned up in a pair of trousers she hadn’t worn for ages.

I would mention that it’s lost, and ask them to keep an eye out in case DP has dropped it somewhere - but I wouldn’t imply they have taken it if you have no proof.

This has just reminded me, a good few years back our local police went into unlocked houses and left balloons reminding people to lock their doors. I never got one but a few people that did were home at the time and didn't even notice the police come in. I know OP lives rurally so that limits who passes but if you leave doors unlocked there is always a risk that some passer by chances it.

Bloody workmen. If they're not shitting in your bog and blocking it with massive turds or rifling through your knicker drawers, they're nicking your jewellery

Do not accuse anyone of stealing unless you have proof they did. That’s a terrible thing to do. Check everywhere you can think of, did the cat bat it under furniture, did you move it without thinking? Annoying as it is, you must not assume it was stolen.

Wherever the cameras are, OP clearly has Ring footage but no ring footage.

DH sounds forgetful, and you need to lock doors, for insurance if nothing else.

It states in the OP she has checked her ring door bell and ruled out anyone else coming in the front gate to the front door, so I’m not sure what point you are trying to make.

It does cover the front door which is what you were on about though.

Do this.

We have contents insurance but it won’t cover theft if there’s no forced entry!

YANBU. I have had jewellery stolen by one worker, and also a special mug that I gave other workers tea in. With the mug, I heard them say "Shall we nick this, then?" as they left, and thoight I must be mishearing.

😂