AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

I very much doubt it was the builders. I also think DH picked it up then forgot. Get him to check his pockets.

I would turn the house upside down. I'd mention to the workmen that a ring has gone missing, and can they keep their eyes peeled in case you lost it outside. It gives them a chance to return it. I think an open accusation won't give you results - that would be admitting that they did steal it.

But you might just find it somewhere in the house and that would be awful if you had accused them.

She does but the builders don’t enter and leave through the front door. It’s all there in the OP, she has no camera covering the area.

I can relate so much. Something like that happened, only when we were invited to spend a week-end with members of our family in their cottage. My late MIL's piece of jewellery, left to my dh. I even kind of know who took it, but it was my fault for leaving it on the sink. Happened early in the week-end, spoilt everything for me and dh. He did not let me raise it with anyone, shouted at me instead for being absent-minded. Will be three years soon, still angry.

From experience, raise it with them, even if they deny it, otherwise you will be seething for not asking, like me.

I don't quite understand what the Ring cameras are capturing then, if it's not actually people entering the house...

I reckon it’s in your bloke’s pocket because he absent mindedly picked it up and forgot he’d done it. How would the workmen know it was there if they’d never been inside the house?

If you are convinced it's been stolen you report it to the police.

It’s really not hard to understand. The ring camera captures the front door, which guests will use. The builders aren’t using this door, so it wouldn’t have captured them leaving via the side passage as that’s not where the camera is.

the reading comprehension on this thread is brilliant.

"Can you prove they took it?" when OP has said "obviously we can't accuse with no proof."

"I don't understand why you don't just go through your Ring camera footage? Do that." When OP has said "We have cameras but unfortunately not in that area,"

and so on. If you can't even be bothered to properly read the one and only post OP has made is your response going to be that helpful?

It's also interesting the amount of people saying 'No way would the workmen have taken it, it's too risky for them, they'd be the first ones suspected,' with the posts saying 'Your DH has lost/misplaced it, there's no point asking them, you'll ruin the relationship, you can't accuse them without evidence....'

Surely that proves that actually it's not that risky, because a significant proportion of people will believe anything OTHER than workmen have taken it, and even if that is the only option are too scared/don't think it's worth even asking them?

I think it's a fairly good chance it is them - they are the main variable in the situation and OP doesn't know anything about the 'assistant. Assuming she and her DH have already double checked the most likely alternatives (and how likely is it that a box could have randomly jumped from a table in the front hallway to behind a sofa or similar as posters are suggesting!) then I think the 'have a quiet word with Bob implying CCTV footage,' is the only option.

That way if it's him he can pretend he's had a word with the assistant, and if it's the assistant he can make an informed decision about whether to keep using him!"

The other alternative is to leave something tempting but not too valuable - e.g. a purse with a few fivers/load of change in in another easily accessible location but make sure there is a camera on it this time - if someone is going to steal once they'll likely do it again and it gives you more ammunition to bullshit that you have evidence of both.

I would definitely raise it with them, probably on the morning of their last day, and suggesting you or DP might have dropped it outside. Gives them time to 'find' it, if it has been one of them. Search very thoroughly first and accept they won't work for you again.

This is what home insurance is for.

Have you got a pet chick or a duck?
Maybe it was one of them....

Spend a day searching. If they haven't done anything they will probably ask what you're looking for. If you are absolutely sure it's not in the house report to the police. If they took it seeing the police rock up will scare them into returning/ 'finding' it

I’d do this.

You can’t accuse - it’s far, far more likely that your partner has misplaced the ring, and it’s in a pocket somewhere.

He might genuinely have dropped it.

In the unlikely event one of them has taken it, they know it’s been noticed and might turn up on the video footage, so gives them a chance to find it.

Look, I had an electrician in my apartment years ago to sort problems with a couple of lamps. I left a black case on my dressing table that had the pearl necklace my grandad brought from Japan after the war and that my gran left me. I was too trustful. I lived alone then, and a few days later I went to put my necklace on and couldn´t find it anywhere. Or the box. I knew he had nicked it. And he wasn´t a young guy either, almost 65 I would´ve said.
About a couple of years later we needed some more electrical work done and my brother phoned him, when the guy twigged who he was he said no and put the phone down on him. My brother was surprised as he didn´t know about the necklace. To me it just reinforced his guilt.
Op, you will have to suck it up. There is nothing you can do. It is your word against theirs. I just hoped that what came around would get round to him next. I hope it did, with bells on.

No one ever thinks that they have moved something and forgotten about it, which is why the person who has lost the thing will decide the builders are the prime suspects. That’s why it’s risky.

People outside the situation (on this thread) can see that there’s a decent chance the partner who meant to take it to be adjusted but forgot, didn’t leave it exactly where he thinks he did.

So your ring doorbell doesn’t show who’s coming to the front door?

I assume you had no post or anything over those couple of days so you know it can’t be anyone else?

I would be very surprised if either of them took it, knowing it was so obviously placed and you would immediately notice it missing.
If someone’s going to take something then it’s usually something someone wouldn’t notice for a few weeks/months and so therefore they can’t be accused.

I wouldn’t confront - as a PP said, they’re not going to admit it.
I also would immediately trust the one you’ve know for longest.

I would however, make sure that they see you looking for something and blame DH (or vice versa) for forgetting where they put it and swearing it was by the front door.
If one did take it, they may worry once they know you know it’s gone and potentially put it back.

Without proof or them admitting it, you’re not going to get anywhere and so I can’t think of another suggestion.

So if they don’t need access to the house, do they still have a key? Or is the door unlocked for them to use the loo? Just wondering how they have gone about it if they only go down the side passage

I wouldn’t say workmen never steal anything, as presumably some will, but I think it’s much more likely it’s been moved or displaced by you or your partner.

Haaa 😂 atleast there isn't a stripper involved as that would really confuse things

I would ask them both outright if they have seen it or moved it for any reason. Some people are opportunistic and rely on implausibility. And others will lie and deny until you give up.

but I would ask them just to see what they say. If you’re absolutely certain that your DH hasn’t moved it

Ask them if they’ve seen “a ring box”? It would be an odd thing to steal. It’s not like you won’t miss it?

Have you checked his car thoroughly? Maybe he took it as far as the car before he forgot about it? Did he change out of jeans into shorts or anything like that during the day?

Have you checked where you usually keep it? I know that sounds silly but I have checked everywhere for my keys before checking the hook where they are supposed to be 😂

My DGM lost her mother's eternity ring, it had fallen into the lining of the curtains! Even in it's box it's small enough to hide somewhere.

Honestly good, reliable workmen are like gold dust, you don't want to falsely accuse them, then find you can't get a good tradesmen in future! They will talk to all the other tradesmen they work alongside.

The front door is not locked, I'm confused where the table is and the ring doorbell. Is there a back door or patio doors someone can open to get into the house.