Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

305 replies

Marooney · Today 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · Today 11:56

Have the builders come into your house before? Do they use the bathroom? Did they know that there was nobody at home?
I don’t think you can go accusing people without proof! I’m thinking maybe your DH has forgotten that he moved it.

ThisBirdOnThatRoof · Today 11:56

Classist fingerpointing and blaming is wrong.

Assuming that every stranger in your home must be honest if they are part of the proletariat is also wrong.

Marooney · Today 11:57

Thanks for your replies everyone. Amazed at the number of people assuming a workman wouldn’t steal. My DP is not absent-minded at all, I absolutely believe he put it where he says and hasn’t moved it, as for me I didn’t even see it (I’m very unobservant! Also possibly not there long before it was swiped). I have nevertheless thoroughly searched the whole area.

Re the Ring camera, it does actually cover the front door (exterior) and the side passage so I can see them going in and out and they don’t appear to have entered the front door, but they could have entered the house from the sliding doors into the living room which have been open at some point.

Unfortunately today is the last day and I think it’s only Bob coming to clean up and collect payment - it’s possible his assistant is someone he hired just for this job and has now disappeared into the sunset

OP posts:
VickyEadie · Today 11:57

Anonbakerylady · Today 11:44

This has just reminded me, a good few years back our local police went into unlocked houses and left balloons reminding people to lock their doors. I never got one but a few people that did were home at the time and didn't even notice the police come in. I know OP lives rurally so that limits who passes but if you leave doors unlocked there is always a risk that some passer by chances it.

There are Mumsnetters who don't even lock their doors when they're in bed at night, because there's "no crime" where they live...

MyDeftDuck · Today 11:57

Report this to the police on 101 to get a crime number and then claim on your home insurance. Alternatively, get DP to ask his mate Bob how honest and trustworthy the other bloke is and why you want to know. The bloke might have form for this and Bob might consider dropping him.
Moral to the story…….lock your doors!

Marooney · Today 11:59

AnnaQuayRules · Today 09:49

Be very sure before accusing.

I've lost countless items that I could have sworn I'd put in X place, only to find them somewhere completely different. A couple of weeks ago I couldn't find my car keys, I always put them in the same place. They turned out to be in a jacket pocket that I don't even remember wearing.

Could your DH have picked it up and put it in a pocket, in the glove box of his car, randomly moved it somewhere else?

I know, but it definitely wasn’t DP, he’s very efficient and has an excellent memory. Not so much the case with me but I definitely didn’t even see the ring there

OP posts:
BoredZelda · Today 12:01

AmberTigerEyes · Today 10:56

This is what home insurance is for.

Yep. I’d put good money on DH having misplaced it rather than it being stolen. Best to claim off the insurance rather than accuse someone of theft with very little proof.

ThisBirdOnThatRoof · Today 12:01

Marooney · Today 11:59

I know, but it definitely wasn’t DP, he’s very efficient and has an excellent memory. Not so much the case with me but I definitely didn’t even see the ring there

Please report to 101 and also speak to Bob.

Marooney · Today 12:01

WhatAMarvelousTune · Today 09:53

Are you sure your partner didn’t just put it somewhere else? Is it in the car?

It would be a bold move for one of two workmen to take it. They’d know that a) it would be noticed immediately, and b) they’d be the only suspects.

Definitely not DP’s doing. I agree it’s bold but I think the assistant did it on his last day (yesterday) possibly with no intention to work for Bob again

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · Today 12:01

Marooney · Today 11:59

I know, but it definitely wasn’t DP, he’s very efficient and has an excellent memory. Not so much the case with me but I definitely didn’t even see the ring there

He clearly doesn’t, the whole issue arose after he forgot the ring and didn’t notice until the following day it was gone

Ringfound · Today 12:02

I’ve changed my name for this as it’s identifiable. We had decorators in two years ago. One of the rooms they were doing was our bedroom. After they had gone I realised that the box containing my wedding and engagement rings had disappeared. I hunted high and low for it but couldn’t find it. As I couldn’t be completely certain that they had taken it we didn’t say anything just vowed to never use or recommend them again. Four months later DD came home from university for Christmas and took some things back with her.

In February I had a call from DD. She had gone away for the weekend. When she was unpacking she discovered the ring box containing the rings inside a pair of socks that she had taken away! We have absolutely no idea how they ended up there but are very pleased that they were found! I really hope your ring turns up for you!

Twasasurprise · Today 12:03

Marooney · Today 11:59

I know, but it definitely wasn’t DP, he’s very efficient and has an excellent memory. Not so much the case with me but I definitely didn’t even see the ring there

"however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there"

Yet he's very efficient with an excellent memory?

I hope the ring turns up soon.

Marooney · Today 12:03

MayaLui · Today 09:57

I would say something, yes. I had to do this when a cleaner took my new phone. She was a new assistant to the regular cleaner. I got it back with the excuse that she'd mixed it up with hers and taken it accidentally. I categorically do not believe that, as it had a bright distinctive case, my own screen photo and so on, but I thanked them and left it at that. It's worth you mentioning it in case it prompts them to do the same - they may make up some weak excuse to return it, phrase it in a way that allows them to do that.

I think any way of phrasing it is clearly an accusation really, but also today is the last day of the job and I think only Bob will be coming, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Bob knows nothing about it

OP posts:
Marooney · Today 12:04

InBedBy10 · Today 10:07

You really have to be sure before you accuse someone or even hint at it. My mother's best friend of 30yrs accused her of stealing a ring as she was the only other person in the house. They had a huge falling out over it. The friend eventually found it on the bathroom floor behind the toilet. She tried to apologise but the damage was done. My mam will never speak to her again.

Search everywhere.

Gosh yes it’s a very different scenario with a friend, but this assistant guy is a stranger to us and has nothing to lose

OP posts:
ThisBirdOnThatRoof · Today 12:06

Marooney · Today 12:03

I think any way of phrasing it is clearly an accusation really, but also today is the last day of the job and I think only Bob will be coming, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Bob knows nothing about it

Still do ask and also for the assistant's contact details 'in case it turns up'.

MagicMarkers · Today 12:06

JustinesGraspingAvarice · Today 11:45

Bloody workmen. If they're not shitting in your bog and blocking it with massive turds or rifling through your knicker drawers, they're nicking your jewellery

Or wiping your toothbrush on their arses as speculated in a recent thread.

fantam · Today 12:06

I'd leave it to your DP to sort out, and I wouldn't say anything to Bob without proof either.

Why would you think anyone would go through the sliding doors all the way to the front door anyway?

St. Anthony is a good un for finding things. I bet it's in DPs possession, even if he hasn't noticed it yet, or it has fallen down behind something. You yourself may have moved it from the hall table. I know I move things without remembering I did it, and more's to the point why I did! St. Anthony is owed a fortune by me by now.

Bamboozledbylife · Today 12:07

I would be included to mention it as it's also Bob's reputation that's at risk. If he doesn't know then he might use him again

ButterPie1 · Today 12:09

I'd be really careful and you need to be 100% sure. My husband was once adamant that cash he had withdrawn had been taken by our cleaners. Low and behold, it turned up and he had forgotten he moved it. We never got as far as accusing the cleaners as I kne the odds of them being daft enough to steal from a house they worked in was a lot less than the odds of OH being a dimwit.

Jellybunny98 · Today 12:11

Marooney · Today 11:59

I know, but it definitely wasn’t DP, he’s very efficient and has an excellent memory. Not so much the case with me but I definitely didn’t even see the ring there

He has such an excellent memory that he forgot to take the ring?

frumpydump · Today 12:12

So DP places ring by front door.

You never see it there.

It is not there two days later.

You automatically assume it’s been stolen, despite the far more likely outcome being DP has lost it!

Gloriia · Today 12:14

How valuable is it? 100 quid just buy another. Very expensive bollock dp for being so careless.

You can't accuse anyone of stealing without proof.

BIossomtoes · Today 12:16

Marooney · Today 11:59

I know, but it definitely wasn’t DP, he’s very efficient and has an excellent memory. Not so much the case with me but I definitely didn’t even see the ring there

Nobody’s infallible and we all have absent minded moments. I’d put money on him picking it up and not remembering. He needs to check his pockets and car.

Marooney · Today 12:17

Ok everyone saying my DP is forgetful and it was most likely him- honestly he isn’t but I just called him to clarify the timeline and that he definitely doesn’t have it: He put it out on Monday night to take, Tuesday morning yes he left in a hurry and didn’t take it but realised ten minutes later in his van, so no it’s not in a pocket or his vehicle. He then saw that night on returning that it was gone (not on Wednesday as I had thought- that’s when he asked me about it). So it definitely went on Tuesday and definitely is not somewhere in his possession

OP posts:
StrictlyCoffee · Today 12:19

Marooney · Today 11:59

I know, but it definitely wasn’t DP, he’s very efficient and has an excellent memory. Not so much the case with me but I definitely didn’t even see the ring there

I lost a pair of expensive sunglasses recently. The last place I saw them was a tray in the living room. I could visualise them there and I definitely hadn’t touched them. Looked everywhere, no sign. Was convinced my family had moved them or one of my sons’ friends had taken them (I never vocalised the latter).

took my car to get valeted a couple of weeks later and they were under the seat in my car.

I still have no recollection of moving them from the house. But I clearly did. I would also describe myself as efficient with an excellent memory

Swipe left for the next trending thread