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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

1000 replies

Marooney · 28/05/2026 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Marooney · 09/06/2026 19:40

Pinkchickenwine · 09/06/2026 19:20

I expect Bobs mate has hidden her… who else could it be?

Almost certainly - hang tight, I’m off to ask Bob

OP posts:
Marooney · 09/06/2026 19:43

Pinkchickenwine · 09/06/2026 19:22

Apart from what else could he have stolen…

Thank god for Bob? Because bobs mate would’ve been subject to a diplock court otherwise!

No he wouldn’t. We asked Bob about him because we were aware that was the only thing we could do with no evidence. If Bob hadn’t had an opinion one way or the other we would probably have remained with the suspicion until yesterday, but we couldn’t have done anything about it

OP posts:
Marooney · 09/06/2026 19:45

LasersInTheJungle · 09/06/2026 19:26

Your DH has smuggled her out in his toolbelt, into his van, on the way to visit the other woman. Who is...... the cleaner!

The baby has a can of rug detergent under her babygro, and she deliberately disabled your Ring doorbell.

And they’ll be pawning both baby and rug cleaner to buy DP more cargo pants with roomier pockets. Ah well, life goes on

OP posts:
SuziQuinto · 09/06/2026 20:01

Anyway.... post a picture of the ring! I'd love to see it 😁

Marooney · 09/06/2026 20:07

LasersInTheJungle · 09/06/2026 19:23

Favourite post of the thread is the one where someone blames OP because she wasn't going and checking on her engagement ring regularly in her day-to-day life. Maybe the cupboard should become a shrine?

This thread has brought out the nutjobs who don't realise that text can be revisited and re-read and insist that their utterly correct memory of what they reckon OP said last week is gospel. There are a surprising number of these!

Yup! Prime example is @Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain who was spitting mad that I judged the man based on his appearance (I did not, though others did), then backtracked and said I judged him based on his profession (I did not, and DP is in the same profession) then backtracked and said I judged him based on his character (I did not, I don’t know his character), all while accusing me of backtracking, then finally said I had implied terrible things about Bob by saying he was a laid-back hippie biker, decided I was irritated they hadn’t stolen my ring after all and then called me a bitch for good measure. It’s…. entertaining… which is why I’m still here.

I also loved the one chastising me for not having a daily admiration sesh with the ring 💍 Praise be 🙌🏻

OP posts:
Pinkchickenwine · 09/06/2026 20:09

Marooney · 09/06/2026 19:43

No he wouldn’t. We asked Bob about him because we were aware that was the only thing we could do with no evidence. If Bob hadn’t had an opinion one way or the other we would probably have remained with the suspicion until yesterday, but we couldn’t have done anything about it

You had evidence the hidden stuff up his shirt….

Marooney · 09/06/2026 20:16

Pinkchickenwine · 09/06/2026 20:09

You had evidence the hidden stuff up his shirt….

Not evidence of anything at all as I pointed out at the time. I posted it to see if others found it sus or had any ideas why he would do that

OP posts:
AMurderofMurderingCrows · 09/06/2026 20:22

Marooney · 09/06/2026 20:16

Not evidence of anything at all as I pointed out at the time. I posted it to see if others found it sus or had any ideas why he would do that

How dare you say all those things you didn't say but PP wanted you to say so they could berate you over and over 😆

Honestly, some utterly crazy posts on here.

Marooney · 09/06/2026 20:28

SuziQuinto · 09/06/2026 20:01

Anyway.... post a picture of the ring! I'd love to see it 😁

Can you imagine the comments though? People will find new reasons to be enraged 😆 I’ll think about it

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 09/06/2026 20:37

Show us the ring! Please.

TautouRose · 09/06/2026 20:48

Marooney · 09/06/2026 14:25

I’m not sure why you’re trying to discredit the cleaner- she didn’t steal the ring! Also if she did come she’d have to be very lucky with the timing as I’m normally at home, and I don’t know what you think she’d be up to.. None of the borrowing of the machine was shady, she just idiotically didn’t mention it until its return.

Not discrediting her, but it seems she thinks it's a normal thing to do, so may well have done it in the past.

SuziQuinto · 09/06/2026 20:54

Marooney · 09/06/2026 20:28

Can you imagine the comments though? People will find new reasons to be enraged 😆 I’ll think about it

No! It's a ring, nothing for posters to get arsey about! Perhaps post 1,000! 😊

goldylock · 09/06/2026 21:01

I have read all of the thread.

I would deem you an unreliable narrator.

Think that's what police work off to piece things together. It's what's not said that solves situations. But it's how to get that info out of your head.

I was about to ask (until I read you'd found it):

  • What's your definition of "search the whole house" as as we know now, you didn't.
  • Would anyone else have recently (last few weeks) been in your house? Youd mentioned noone had been in your house for a long time.

Youre unreliable because you're human. But your own (very calm I must say also) admissions were very inaccurate.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 09/06/2026 21:01

Marooney · 09/06/2026 18:10

But in all seriousness where have you got that from? I said ages ago we no longer suspected him, as soon as we’d spoken to Bob

You've made over 200 posts on this topic, it's OTT and unnecessary especially given you've found the ring, move on.

Marooney · 09/06/2026 21:10

goldylock · 09/06/2026 21:01

I have read all of the thread.

I would deem you an unreliable narrator.

Think that's what police work off to piece things together. It's what's not said that solves situations. But it's how to get that info out of your head.

I was about to ask (until I read you'd found it):

  • What's your definition of "search the whole house" as as we know now, you didn't.
  • Would anyone else have recently (last few weeks) been in your house? Youd mentioned noone had been in your house for a long time.

Youre unreliable because you're human. But your own (very calm I must say also) admissions were very inaccurate.

I don’t think I said no one had been in my house for a long time? But it’s only relevant who had been in the house since last seeing the ring, so if police asked that I wouldn’t have said the cleaner as I had no idea.. what more could I do there really?

Sorry that you and others took the house search so literally, I meant we had searched all rooms/furniture we had used or had possibly used. I didn’t rifle through the muffin tins, seasonal decor or old baby clothes for example. I genuinely did think that would be clear but apologies if not! In a police situation I would not tell them I had searched every inch of the house.

OP posts:
Marooney · 09/06/2026 21:12

Ilovelifeverymuch · 09/06/2026 21:01

You've made over 200 posts on this topic, it's OTT and unnecessary especially given you've found the ring, move on.

You’re very welcome to move on from the thread yourself 😘 It’ll close at 1000 posts

OP posts:
troothfairy · 09/06/2026 21:12

Ilovelifeverymuch · 09/06/2026 21:01

You've made over 200 posts on this topic, it's OTT and unnecessary especially given you've found the ring, move on.

200? Wow, possibly a record!

OP I think it’s fair to say you’re a witterer.

Zov · 09/06/2026 21:16

You could have found the ring AGES ago @Marooney if you hadn't been wasting so much time posting 230-ish posts on this thread!!!

JOKING! Grin

Glad you found the ring, and all the best to you. Thanks for the entertaining thread. 😘

Marooney · 09/06/2026 21:20

troothfairy · 09/06/2026 21:12

200? Wow, possibly a record!

OP I think it’s fair to say you’re a witterer.

Ha! I just currently have nothing better to do and like probing the aggressors and non-readers to see how they’ve formed their often weird and hostile opinions, a fruitless task at times admittedly.

OP posts:
troothfairy · 09/06/2026 21:25

Marooney · 09/06/2026 21:20

Ha! I just currently have nothing better to do and like probing the aggressors and non-readers to see how they’ve formed their often weird and hostile opinions, a fruitless task at times admittedly.

Well you’ve got a baby so that’s a bit sad really.

Marooney · 09/06/2026 21:28

Right here we go @SuziQuinto and @Delphiniumandlupins It’s not actually the permanent ring as DP knew I wanted to choose my own but also didn’t want to propose without a ring so he got this sweet topaz. I love it because he chose it, but I think it’s a bit big for daily wear! I’m so happy to have it back 🥰

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?
OP posts:
goldylock · 09/06/2026 21:30

Marooney · 09/06/2026 21:10

I don’t think I said no one had been in my house for a long time? But it’s only relevant who had been in the house since last seeing the ring, so if police asked that I wouldn’t have said the cleaner as I had no idea.. what more could I do there really?

Sorry that you and others took the house search so literally, I meant we had searched all rooms/furniture we had used or had possibly used. I didn’t rifle through the muffin tins, seasonal decor or old baby clothes for example. I genuinely did think that would be clear but apologies if not! In a police situation I would not tell them I had searched every inch of the house.

You're missing my point.

I don't think it's deliberate. But like the story, you're not willing to check your mind/thoughts, or challenge them.

You/we know now your account of the story is inaccurate. You're eerily calm and convincing.

Like "I've searched my house high and low" to me means "I pulled the place apart and every piece of the house". To you, it means you looked in a few obvious places.

I think that's why people were getting annoyed at you in the thread. You're not willing to say you made a mistake. The story was inconsistent (the proof was in the pudding).

Interest thread from a physiology/behavioural point of view!

Marooney · 09/06/2026 21:31

troothfairy · 09/06/2026 21:25

Well you’ve got a baby so that’s a bit sad really.

It’s awful isn’t it. She was hoping for a game of chess but I told her Mumsnet was more important so she’s reading in bed alone

OP posts:
ruethewhirl · 09/06/2026 21:31

Love the ring, OP!

Zov · 09/06/2026 21:31

That's a lovely ring Smile

Pay no attention to the sneery 'oh my gosh you have a BABY, how sad that you are spending time on Mumsnet' type of comments. (I'm pretty sure you're not taking any notice anyway!) 😆 Great comeback about how your baby wanted to play chess, but you told her Mumsnet is more important!! 😂

This has been a great thread!

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