AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

Exactly! Glad it’s not only me remembering correctly. Thought I’d remembered wrongly. OP seemed definite it was builders. No mention of cleaner.

Quite.

I haven’t said that at all. We strongly suspected Bob’s mate until we spoke to Bob, then we changed our minds. It’s not hard to understand but people on here are struggling..

What back-peddling? We thought it was the builders until we spoke to Bob and then we didn’t - it’s all there in my posts. By page 2 of my replies (if you click see all OP’s posts or whatever) I was saying we didn’t think it was them.
You don’t have any idea of the nature of the conversation since you weren’t there. Half of you lot are honestly bonkers

I was sure at first yes, hence my OP. Why would I mention the cleaner? Have you read much of the thread?

My mother, in her 80s, did similar with her eternity ring. She was bed bound and put it on her finger each morning from her bedside table and put it back each evening. One day it had gone. We scoured the room, the bed (inside her nightie even) but eventually had to believe her when she said a magpie must have flown in while she had a nap. 2 days later, a phone call from the local library.....Had she recently mislaid anything?? Yes, she'd tucked it in her library book as a book mark and my sister had dropped it off on the way to work. I preferred the thieving magpie story.

Have you ever asked her why she puts items in obscure places?

I’m not sure why you’re trying to discredit the cleaner- she didn’t steal the ring! Also if she did come she’d have to be very lucky with the timing as I’m normally at home, and I don’t know what you think she’d be up to.. None of the borrowing of the machine was shady, she just idiotically didn’t mention it until its return.

Yes, often. She doesn’t get that the places are obscure, if they’re relatively close to the original place. All surfaces must be clear so she’d rather put the cornflakes away with the oven trays than leave them on the counter. She has got a lot better over the years though.

I see. In which case I would have thought she was the obvious culprit, but I suppose it didn't occur to you as she came into your home without you realising.

Well yes that is the crux of it. In my mind she is very much compartmentalised into every other Monday morning, she doesn’t figure in my life at all outside those times. It would have been an odd leap to think “I wonder if cleaner moved it” when we had no inkling she’d been near the house!

I’ve read a lot of the thread yes. And you were blaming/suspecting builders right from the start. Not your DH. As the cleaner comes into your house (normally not unscheduled) she has keys to your door property to but you never mentioned her.

I’ve read most of the thread and suspicion definitely rested with the builders. Then it went quiet until last night when you updated.

Why didn’t the ring door bell pick her up? You reviewed it for anomalies like opportunist thieves, I assume?

This has confirmed my view that cupboards which are narrower than the base they sit on, leaving a ledge in front, are a pain. I've been in holiday cottages with kitchens with similar, and you can't really put anything on them without having to move it every time you need to get in the cupboard! And there's always something on them because flat surfaces are just an invitation to leave stuff laying around!

Not generally though. She’s great because she really enjoys her job as she often tells me, she doesn’t clockwatch, if she finishes quickly she looks for other things to do, she’s also helping me create a herb garden and veggie patch, oh and she takes away all our rubbish every time. Honestly I’m glad to have her

You’re completely mistaken. I said I believed Bob that it wasn’t his mate, so the mystery remained. Not sure how you missed all that

I’ve read through your posts (not whole thread) can’t see page numbering on my phone but you definitely have suspected the builders for quite a while on the thread, later on there’s confusion as to if it’s your DH who’s lost it or misplaced it. It’s there in black and white though.

Glad you found the ring, OP. Hope some of the deranged posters have kept you entertained.

I’ve answered this question often. It turns out the wifi doesn’t always reach it and it missed chunks of the afternoon, rendering it useless

You kept going over it though, was it him or his mate. See my last post.

I’m not deranged. I just wouldn’t like to be suspected of theft like she did with her builders simply because they were on her property at this timeline. And it turns out it’s not them but the cleaner who’s “tidied it away” into a box.

I didn't call you deranged,

Regardless, it's logical to suspect unknown people on your property in this scenario. 'Suspect' is different to 'accuse'.

Yes correct, the start of the thread was about blaming the builders, then I spoke to one of them and moved on from that. Also correct that I wasn’t blaming my DP, why would I? It wasn’t him anyway was it. The cleaner doesn’t have keys, please stop with these comments if you haven’t read the whole thing.

I stopped suspecting them after speaking to Bob, indeed it is all here in the thread in black and white. I was never confused at all about DP losing it, though I did spend a fair bit of time replying to posters who were convinced of it.