How would you feel if your husband/partner said this to you?

[Bananatoastie1]

"I think people probably do look at us and wonder what is he doing with her"

In a he could do better way, how would that make you feel?

I am not one to declare LTB at every turn, but this shows a deep lack of respect

I completely agree with this.

Why are you asking how we'd feel if you know, from your responses, how you feel? What are you doing to do about it?

Have you seen the current thread about the op, who’s dh regrets opening up the marriage? The comments are so funny and a lot quite similar.

The guy thinks his wife / partner is boring unappealing, because he’s bored, the grass is greener and he’s clearly a stud, wants to open up the marriage, because he’s going to take the shagging scene by storm. He presumes all other men will think the same about his wife.

He takes years persuading his wife to agree to it and when she does, they both try to find hook ups. The woman is inundated with guys ready and willing. The man? Not a sausage. Oops, poor pun.

Realising is wife is having lots of fun and he has made mistake, he wants to close the marriage back down again <cue sad face>. She’s unsure. She’s having the best sex ever.

Poor guy had presumed all men would see her as the dowdy, middle aged mumsy wifey. To other men, she’s a sex goddess and cougar.

We women all know most men would gladly have no strings attached sex and will gladly rail a woman 15 years older if given the opportunity. Women, not so much with men, especially married ones.

You my love, are a sex goddess and cougar to a large chunk of the male population. I mean, I’m not condoning opening up the marriage, because that’s not a good idea imo. But just fuck what he said.

Ex DH said this to me and knocked my confidence for a while until I couldn't take this kind of crap any longer. His new wife is hideous in looks and personality.

Depends on how he meant it I think everyone has jump straight to thinking it’s about looks

but I’ve thought this about people because of there personality one life and sole and other wouldn’t say boo to a goose

more that there different not that ones better than the other

I’d think it was the end of the relationship and I wouldn’t spend another minute with him.

That’s awful. I do think that men need to feel like they’ve got a ‘catch’ to maintain interest and motivation in a relationship, must go back to the old hunter gatherer days 🙄. Sorry he was a dick, is he always like this?

What a horrible thing to say. What a horrible thing to think. I’ve been with my partner over 40 years: we have a great relationship and he would never say anything like that to me.

Throw this one back.

totally insulted

Well it’s really offensive, he thinks he’s way better than you looking wise, and was telling you that when people look at you both they’d wonder why someone like him was with someone like you. So everyone would be offended.

He would be my ex husband/partner, that has happened to me in the past and I look back on it with ire and disdain. It’s a proper put down

Time to leave him and let him find an updated version of a new partner closer to his « standards ». Hike your own bar up a notch. I’m sure you’re a lovely person who would blossom with a few compliments. Match attitude with action. Get rid.

I’d think he was rude and had an over inflated view of himself. What a thing to say to your wife.

I don't think I could move past a comment like that. It would fester and I'd always know he thinks himself so much better than me.

There are two celebrity couples I can think of who some consider to be 'mismatched'. One is Pearce Brosnan and wife Keely Shaye Smith, and the other is Declan Rice and his GF Lauren Fryer. Both couples have been trolled and in both instances the man has come out publicly to defend their love for their woman. That is how a real man should behave, not telling his partner that he can see the viewpoint.

My feelings would be “right you bastard, I’ll sort you out”.

I wouldn’t immediately do anything, apart from withdraw from the relationship very, very slowly, weeks, months, longer, who knows. Then when I wanted to and when he’s least expecting it, I’d say “you remember when you said….? I’d now like you to fuck off out of my life, as I’ve now decided I’m done with you”.

Mind you, I’m a vindictive bastard who never forgets. Don’t get mad, get even, no matter how long it takes.

It smacks of a huge ego and entitlement issues.

May be time to rethink the relationship?

@Bananatoastie1 it reminds me very much of the thread on here where the OP and her husband had opened their marriage.

Both of them expected that she would not get a lot of action. But she did. And now he wants to close the relationship again.

Your partner is a fucking arrogant arse. I would have to drop little hints in irregularly about attention you've had from other men; compliments, doors opened, chats. Let your not dear-partner know he is totally replaceable. Remind him it's a lot harder for a woman NOT to get a man than it is to get one.

Possibly also drop in the male loneliness epidemic.

I would dump

Don't worry, you wouldn't have to do all the digging alone. I'd pitch in for anyone on Mumsnet. Have own car and shovel.

Wow, what a cock! The guy basically thinks he’s Johnny Depp and as a result is way out of your league. I’m going to assume he’s giving more current Depp than 90s Depp and isn’t anywhere near as good looking as he thinks. Saying something like that also makes it seem as though he’s doing you a favour being with you. He’s ridiculous and I don’t know why you’re with someone who thinks so little of you.

I wouldn’t be able to “shake it off” either. Why should you? He was saying you’re not attractive enough for him. Do you need to be with this man? Could you not just leave him?

What a twat he is.

Offended. And hurt and lesser which is perhaps what his aim was.

I had an older bf like this in my very early 20s and he half destroyed me. I'm still living with the damage.

Is he trying to sabotage you in other ways?

I would end a marriage over this comment. He hates you.

This for me too. I would detach completely. All the crappy stuff in a marriage is only OK if there is a bond. Once the bond is gone it all takes on a miserable edge and that is the beginning of the end.

He's not even your friend @Bananatoastie1