How would you feel if your husband/partner said this to you?

[Bananatoastie1]

"I think people probably do look at us and wonder what is he doing with her"

In a he could do better way, how would that make you feel?

He said this a year ago?! YABU to even still be with the prick.

Is this your husband or just your boyfriend? Id be gutted either way . What a horrible thing to say. Is he cruel in any other ways?

I have an ex partner from many years ago that told me most women in our town would kill to be in my shoes and I should count my lucky stars he chose me.
Yeah not an attractive trait to have at all!

I don't think that needed to be said EVEN if his point was very clearly "people are stupid; they only see the superficial and judge that based on convention without even thinking about the important things." But it doesn't sound like he even suggested, or gave you any reason to believe, that he disagrees with these critics at all. I'm sorry; that sucks.

He’s being very disrespectful & needs to grow up. If it’s a one off speak to him tell him how it axe you feel & his response will tell you what you need to do

Fuck off and do it would be my exact words. Then I really would leave him.

How did you respond at the time?

Was there any further discussion about it, did he ever back down or apologise?

Is it part of a pattern of disrespectful behaviour or an out-of-character one-off?

He said this because he KNOWS he is not better than you ..he needed to diminish and hurt you to feel better about himself..to test his power and assert himself...pathetic really but incredibly harmful to bear. Start planning a life without this feeble man.

Except maybe it was meant as "she could do better."

I am not one to declare LTB at every turn, but this shows a deep lack of respect. He has stopped seeing you as a special, attractive person. He has become complacent. That would cut me to the quick.

A man I was engaged to once said 'You're too good for me, I wish you would find someone better'. Although it sounds like the opposite, it was actually the same. He was wishing I would end things and save him the bother. We ended things soon afterwards. Either way, he is visualising a different life partnered with someone different (not necessarily an actual person, but an imagined better one) and is down valuing you in the process. You deserve better.

Anyone who makes remarks to their partner like that must be pretty 8nsecure.
He is bigging himself up by putting you down. Deep down he possibly thinks he is less attractive in some way.

I’d think he was a negging little shitehawk and I’d have been making plans to be single.

Plus a kick in the balls!

I'd get my ducks in a row and start planning how to exit, have money and a place to live if needed then I'd ask him how he felt about the marriage. My next move would depend on his response.

It would make me feel the sudden urge to buy a new patio.
So I could bury him under it.

I think the onus is on you OP, he clearly is an idiot but what does it say about you that you are still with him and ruminating on his comment over a year later.

Come on, you really could do a lot better.

He could be the most handsome man on planet earth but he is clearly not the most thoughtful.
But the fact that you are still with him most probably suggests that he is really is a catch in all other ways.

Get rid of!

Relationship ending is what it would be.

It sounds a bit like that Gavin and Stacey moment when Smithy escapes Sonia's clutches.
He walked.
So should you.

That is an awful thing to say. People come out with all sorts when they are angry but you say you weren't having a row

I don't think I could have sat on that for a year, I'd want to know exactly what he meant, what he thinks and why. Then I would start to be more independent and live my own life.

Your husband needs a wake up call.

I look at my DH and I know that he could do so much better than me in terms of aesthetics, he is so handsome. We are both men.

He would never say that to me though, and I don't even think he thinks it.

If he did ever say that, we'd be done!

My esteem, possibly ego, couldn't take this. I'd either have responded in a manner he'd be thinking about a year later, or more likely set him free to find his equal.

I took 'look' literally. It might not be anything to do with aesthetics at all. It might be to do with being more successful, having a higher salary, doing more for the community, whatever!

The fact being is if you love someone, you don't belittle them and make them feel like shit by saying such an unreasonable and self-indulgent comment.

What was your reply?

Did you even ask what he meant?

Actually, dont answer, I dont care. If you're still together who gives a fuck.

No we didn't all wonder a little about OP's attractiveness. I certainly didn't.

It's so obviously a negging comment calculated to undermine OP's self esteem - and it worked to the extent she is still hurt by it a year later.

OP could be the most beautiful woman in the world and this type of guy would STILL make this type of comment because it's about his inadequacy and his need to bring his partner down rather than anything to do with how either of them actually look.

The fact that sone pp are actually validating him by raising the possibility he might actually be more attractive than OP is shameful.

Ouch. It would stay with me too, OP. For a very long time.