How would you feel if your husband/partner said this to you?

[Bananatoastie1]

"I think people probably do look at us and wonder what is he doing with her"

In a he could do better way, how would that make you feel?

What an absolute bellend he is @Bananatoastie1. A cocky, stupid prick. I say stupid because no one in their right mind says that out loud.

I’d be fucking pissed. Probably tell him to fuck off and find someone worthy of him.

Really though, most couples I’ve seen the man is punching. If the woman is punching it’s so rare I’ll actually notice it.

I’d think he was trying to trigger some insecurity in me, either to make him feel better or to cruely amuse himself.

I’d stay very calm and say “l can’t stop you having these thoughts, however most people with basic social skills and empathy know not to this vocalise this to their partner. So what is your motive for telling me? What are you hoping to achieve?” I’d then watch him dig a hole for himself.

Then I’d make my life busier and phase him out.

Everyone here saying they’d be furious and tell him to fuck off are going about this entirely wrong, you’re playing into his hands. Any man who says this to you is looking for a strong negative reaction. Don’t fall for it. Your calmness will confuse him and play with his head more.

I absolutely would be looking to leave because I wouldn’t remain in a relationship with a man who would effectively tell me that he thinks he can do better. Off you go then.

Taking it as you say it was meant I would be incredibly upset and no I wouldn’t forget he said it. It would make me think of him in a completely different way and I’m. It sure I would be hanging around
As a PP said very eloquently the person who loves you should be thinking wow I’m with her in a very positive way

Taking it as you say it was meant I would be incredibly upset and no I wouldn’t forget he said it. It would make me think of him in a completely different way and I’m. It sure I would be hanging around
As a PP said very eloquently the person who loves you should be thinking wow I’m with her in a very positive way

I’m a very forgiving woman but I don’t think I’d be able to look past this. I don’t want a man acting like he’s doing me a favour by being with me.

I do know how you feel - at one point I started looking for a part time job separate to the business we run together and my H said ‘why are you looking, who would want you ‘ - I was 55 at the time ( this was 9 yearsago and we were going through a tough time) and we have worked for ourselves for 20 years , I don’t think he meant it how it came out , but as someone who had helped build our business up, understands digital marketing, media, can do accounts , manage 2 limited companies admin - it hurt enormously and I never quite forgot it. Problem is I suspect you won’t forget it either even if it was a stupid off the cuff comment !

Yep, I’d be seriously wondering what he’s actually trying to justify to himself.

Did you dump him?
I can't answer your question because if a man said that I would be so repulsed by him I would walk away and he would never have access to me again.

Shit men are not for dating.

Have you raised it with him in the year since? What has he had to say for himself?

What a charmer, unless he means you’re far more attractive than him, but I doubt that’s the case.

Is he a partner or a husband, length of relationship and do you have children together @Bananatoastie1

All salient points which could help us offer a more relevant answer.

I’d probably channel Harry from Sex & The City and say “yes I know people probably do think like that. I just didn’t realise you were one of them” and dump him on the spot.

What an absolute prick.

I’m sorry you’ve spent so long being affected by his crass and insulting comment, I’m sure it’s not the only one. Unless he’d done some serious grovelling and explained that he didn’t mean it and actually thinks the world of you, why would you forgive him? And even if had done that, I still wouldn’t be able to forget.

If you’re not married I’d just walk away. Negging is gross.

If he could do better, why hasn't he?

You deserve better, don't stay with this AH, he doesn't deserve you.

I’d think him totally superficial, shallow and vastly underrating you. I’d leave the sad act to realise how impoverished his life was without you.

I wouldn’t be surprised. My mother told me he was too good for me before we got married. Married 41 years now, never forgot that.

What a ridiculous and childish thing for him to say and think! Why do you think he said it? It's kinda hard to know without the context of his personality - does he come out with stupid off-hand comments like that often, that he doesn't really mean? Might he have been saying it to cover up a fragile ego, ie he was feeling insecure about himself at the time and he was trying to make himself feel better? Do you believe it? All of that would factor in to what I'd feel about it, if I were on the receiving end.

My partner actually once said something similar, that he's "a better catch" than me. Funnily enough our life circumstances have changed and now he thinks that he's the one who's "punching", but I always saw that whole way of thinking as childish and never agreed with him in either direction, so it didn't bother me much - chalked it up to my partner being a bit of an immature, insecure man-child at times.

But since he said it, I made it a point to point out a few times that I am actually a great catch, so I guess I stooped to that level, but maybe that helped level things out a bit in his head.

Try not to believe it please - easier said than done, but this kind of childish comparison is much more reflective of him being a bit of a man-child than anything about how great you are

Agreed. I’d be looking forward to my Young Hot Widow era though.

I wouldn't forgive or forget it either OP. The fact that it's still very much on your mind suggests that he hasn't redeemed himself since he said it.

How long have you been together?

I think even though it would hurt more, I’d have to ask why.

then I would think about how that makes me feel, if its a really recent relationship/no kids/no tangles, he is gone and being blocked into oblivion.

if Its a 25yr marriage then, I’d tell him that he made it this far without other peoples opinions & the door is there if he can do better.

don’t let someone make you feel like you aren’t good enough, it’s the worst feeling & hard to get past

I've had some cruel boyfriends but I've never had this comment! Even the meaner guys from my past said they felt lucky to be with me.

I don't know how you can bear to stay with him. What a nasty thing to say.

I’d fire straight back, ‘Oh honey, you’re not that bad - I think you’re cute anyway and that’s all that matters’.

Joking aside, my DP would never say that to me.

Unless he was genuinely having a laugh and trying to get a rise out of you, it sounds like abusive language to me