to think it is acceptable to smack someone if they touch your body, even if they have dementia? Part 2

[haleey]

Continuing from previous thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5534178-to-think-it-is-acceptable-to-smack-someone-if-they-touch-your-body-even-if-they-have-dementia

I visit my grandad in a care home regularly and sometimes male residents will touch women unexpectedly. I’ve had my waist touched, boobs grabbed and one man touched my privates while smiling at me. I know they are ill and confused, but honestly I think people act as though women are supposed to just tolerate it because “they can’t help it”.

Part of this for me is that I have been assaulted before, so my reflex when someone suddenly touches me unexpectedly is to hit out before I even properly think. It is an automatic panic response.

Recently one resident suddenly grabbed me and I instinctively smacked his hand away. One of the staff immediately told me off and said “he can’t help it”. I understand that dementia affects behaviour and judgement, but I found it upsetting that the focus instantly became about him rather than acknowledging that I had just been touched without consent and panicked.

I’m not talking about beating vulnerable elderly people or deliberately hurting confused residents. But I also don’t think women should be expected to quietly accept unwanted touching because the person is elderly or cognitively impaired.

Great. If you call that support, then we must have different interpretations of support.

Me too

You must assess someone's vulnerability before having an instinctive reaction according to some folks on here.

I think we have different ideas about what a ‘swat’ is. It’s not a smack, and it doesn’t hurt. It’s just moving someone’s hand away quickly. It’s not meant to teach them anything, it’s literally moving a hand away 🫤

An alternative would be grabbing someone’s hand but I can’t imagine that being any less ‘shocking’ if it’s done quickly.

What if you had grabbed her inappropriately and she swatted your hand away?
Shes not saying she’s swaggering in and randomly punching people.

Why is that relevant to the OP hitting a vulnerable man?

Where does it say she hit a man? Looooool

She would have already been in my home three times by this point and assaulted a member of my family each time.

I don't tend to grab my guests inappropriately because I DON'T HAVE DEMENTIA!

Neither are you.

What's your second sentence? Is it another language?

I am so grateful you think that. Gave you the benefit of the doubt. But my instincts were right the first time.

There's a lot of places on the Internet where people chat shit. Just avoid them, it's better for your IQ.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intelligence_quotient

Because the OP hates it when people say she's unreasonable. She is ignorant about the extent & impact of dementia, and basically she just wants everyone to say she's right.

She's not, btw. No-one should be hitting out at a person with dementia severe enough that they need 24 hour residential care.

I actually gave her the benefit of the doubt. Regret it now. She's "hearted" a few posts of mine but now I'm horrible apparently.

I think your caps lock is stuck.

She wouldn’t be swatting at your hand because you wouldn’t have grabbed her inappropriately.

She swatted someone’s hand because she had been grabbed inappropriately and her reflex was to knock the hand away. She didn’t just wallop someone randomly.

Benefit of the doubt the FIRST time this happened to you.

Second, third AND fourth time, you should have known you might hit, sorry, smack, a vulnerable adult, then you should have taken precautions, absolutely.

You are not a fan of instincts remember?

Your instincts were right the first time yet you engaged in thread 1 and again in thread 2?

Now you have read the lies, here is the truth:

The other thread went to 1000 posts and ended. I was asked to start another one

I do not hate it if people say I am unreasonable. If I did, what is the point of me being here?

I am not hitting people with dementia randomly. It is a reflex action due to PTSD from sexual assault.

I never thought you were horrible even when you disagreed with me.

It is just a chat forum, it's not that deep.

You just posted that I was!

Anyway. I’m done with this thread and regret asking the OP to start it.

The fact is, at this point in time over 70% of voters say you are not being unreasonable.

That seems quite the majority.

My cap locks is fine thanks.